Alone, I Walk
free verse faith poem83 total reviews
Comment from acerisestory
Your poem, Teresa, is very impactful and a statement, in the end, of your strong faith. I am very impressed, indeed, with your words. I read many reviewer's thoughts about your use of the "shit" word :) Many of us use that word, maybe not often, but we use it. I wouldn't change it for anything. The alliteration itself is worth leaving it in.
Even though your poem is free verse, your use of occasional rhyming is well done and increases the flow of your words.
This is a wonderful entry for the contest. Best of luck! Take care. Alana
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Your poem, Teresa, is very impactful and a statement, in the end, of your strong faith. I am very impressed, indeed, with your words. I read many reviewer's thoughts about your use of the "shit" word :) Many of us use that word, maybe not often, but we use it. I wouldn't change it for anything. The alliteration itself is worth leaving it in.
Even though your poem is free verse, your use of occasional rhyming is well done and increases the flow of your words.
This is a wonderful entry for the contest. Best of luck! Take care. Alana
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much for the positive review Alana and for weighing in on the "shit" - lol.
Comment from pearlecat
First off....I think 'shit' has to be. In that frame of mind you wouldn't say 'poop' now would you?
That being said, I thought you did an EXCELLENT job with this one. "overripe sunshine" Loved that and so many other lines. Great metaphors and read nice and smooth down the page. Great free verse!
Good luck in the competition. Pearl
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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First off....I think 'shit' has to be. In that frame of mind you wouldn't say 'poop' now would you?
That being said, I thought you did an EXCELLENT job with this one. "overripe sunshine" Loved that and so many other lines. Great metaphors and read nice and smooth down the page. Great free verse!
Good luck in the competition. Pearl
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much Pearl for the exceptional review and gift of all the stars:)
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi Teresa,
Yes indeed, it is more honest to use the word shit because it illustrates the anger. We all go through difficult times, dear, and your poem reflects the depth of despair, yet lifts the reader up at the end. Good work.
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Hi Teresa,
Yes indeed, it is more honest to use the word shit because it illustrates the anger. We all go through difficult times, dear, and your poem reflects the depth of despair, yet lifts the reader up at the end. Good work.
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you Lou for the review and weighing in on the 'shit' vs 'poop
Comment from Pyrrho
The poem is so far out of my experience, that the content might as well be fiction. So I will comment on the difficulty you have with a simple word. "Shit".
That is the extent of it. It is a word that describes a smelly unfortunate reality of life. We all shit. Is poop less obnoxious? Is ca-ca less obnoxious? Or #2 etc.
My neighbors used to stop their dogs on my front lawn and encourage them to shit. I put up a sign "No Dog Shit Please". They complained. In their opinion the dog shit they were duping on my lawn was not insulting but my sign with the word shit was.
I believe some folks have a distorted sense of civility.
I really do not assess your poem as containing much poetic beauty or poetry for that matter but I will assess it as a five star so you will not think my assessment has anything to do with my discussion of the word shot.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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The poem is so far out of my experience, that the content might as well be fiction. So I will comment on the difficulty you have with a simple word. "Shit".
That is the extent of it. It is a word that describes a smelly unfortunate reality of life. We all shit. Is poop less obnoxious? Is ca-ca less obnoxious? Or #2 etc.
My neighbors used to stop their dogs on my front lawn and encourage them to shit. I put up a sign "No Dog Shit Please". They complained. In their opinion the dog shit they were duping on my lawn was not insulting but my sign with the word shit was.
I believe some folks have a distorted sense of civility.
I really do not assess your poem as containing much poetic beauty or poetry for that matter but I will assess it as a five star so you will not think my assessment has anything to do with my discussion of the word shot.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from CHIGYSISKI
Lovely poem.Lovely message.I definitely like the idea of one being clobbered by lies and whys...and wanting to prove we are something, when indeed,we are nothing. Do you want to try' dung?' instead of shit.I thought of mud but like pooh,it doesn't seem strong enough. Well done!
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Lovely poem.Lovely message.I definitely like the idea of one being clobbered by lies and whys...and wanting to prove we are something, when indeed,we are nothing. Do you want to try' dung?' instead of shit.I thought of mud but like pooh,it doesn't seem strong enough. Well done!
Comment Written 31-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the awesome six star review and for your input on 'shit' vs. 'poop':)
Comment from rrabinow
Wonderfully written poem. Great use of description that creates a wonderful image in my mind as I read your poem. I like how it flows and the way you formatted your poem.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Wonderfully written poem. Great use of description that creates a wonderful image in my mind as I read your poem. I like how it flows and the way you formatted your poem.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much:)
Comment from royowen
Well I like it, I think it's ok, it's like my life before I walked with The Lord, my life had become, like what you said, Jesus order of disorder, harmony out of chaos, hope out of despair, meaning out of no meaning, purpose out of existence! I like your beautiful but stark work, on your journey and pilgrimage, well written, well composed and designed poem. Well done, Teresa, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Well I like it, I think it's ok, it's like my life before I walked with The Lord, my life had become, like what you said, Jesus order of disorder, harmony out of chaos, hope out of despair, meaning out of no meaning, purpose out of existence! I like your beautiful but stark work, on your journey and pilgrimage, well written, well composed and designed poem. Well done, Teresa, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much Roy for the wonderful review:)
Comment from LIJ Red
I am not a great fan of shit but here it's the exact word
for your context. That bothers me, an old guy who you can
never shock with language- I may sound crude at times. This is the 21st @#$%^&*() century, remember. I like your poem.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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I am not a great fan of shit but here it's the exact word
for your context. That bothers me, an old guy who you can
never shock with language- I may sound crude at times. This is the 21st @#$%^&*() century, remember. I like your poem.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much for your input:)
Comment from sibhus
Poop suggests a sunday school teacher accidently stepping in manure on the way home from church. "oh, goodness I think I have stepped in poop." Shit, shizen, crap, good strong expletive that scream a demented frustration with the world, which I believe is the approate word for this bit of soul- serching poetry. Good thoughts with some great images, and I liked the ideaof wanding the dessert while conte,plateing your life. Good stuff.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Poop suggests a sunday school teacher accidently stepping in manure on the way home from church. "oh, goodness I think I have stepped in poop." Shit, shizen, crap, good strong expletive that scream a demented frustration with the world, which I believe is the approate word for this bit of soul- serching poetry. Good thoughts with some great images, and I liked the ideaof wanding the dessert while conte,plateing your life. Good stuff.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Hey thanks so much for the great review and for your input on 'shit' and 'poop':)
Comment from DR DIP
what a great poem and perfect image to go with it TAB I really enjoyed the body of the poem and loved the layout the metaphor to being on your own to being in a desert is strong throughout
well done and thanks for sharing
dip
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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what a great poem and perfect image to go with it TAB I really enjoyed the body of the poem and loved the layout the metaphor to being on your own to being in a desert is strong throughout
well done and thanks for sharing
dip
Comment Written 30-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2014
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Thanks:)
