Reviews from

Turncoat!

Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Turncoat, Part 6"
WW2 One soldier's ordeal at the fall of Berlin

33 total reviews 
Comment from camaria
Excellent
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Excellent chapter. Only found one nit at the very end:

Her narrow eyes said didn't

You are missing 'she'.

Really enjoyed it.

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2015


reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
    I fixed the nit.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Excellent
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Yes, I needed this background at least. I have always been interested in WWII and the stories of the sacrifices of the victims. I will fan you so I can keep up. Nancy

 Comment Written 02-Sep-2014


reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
    Glad you became a fan.
reply by nancy_e_davis on 02-Sep-2014
    So am I. Like your story.
Comment from michaelcahill
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This is quite flawless especially when considered with the previous chapters. Elsa and Hans are reacting so true to character that it makes the story seem perfectly true in every way and enhances Schmidt as well. Showing that Schmidt knows exactly how to tame a feral kitten is the perfect touch. So much about him is revealed by that. You never mention a thing about it, you just let it happen. I didn't see a word out of place. Bravo. mikey

 Comment Written 22-Aug-2014


reply by the author on 22-Aug-2014
    First, thanks for the sixer. Too bad you had to review at two cents, because I think the certificate ended earlier today.

    I'm employing something with Schmidt in first person called deep point of view (DPoV). I really like it. You can learn about it on the web, but it eliminates 'telling' in close-up scenes, as well as most tags. Schutte tamed the kitten, not Hans Schmidt. I know, two characters whose names begin with an S is not a good idea, but Schutte is Marilyn Callahan's character, loaned to me, so couldn't do anything about the S thing.

    Thanks for reviewing and for your comments, Mikey.
Comment from Goodauthor
Excellent
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This was a well written chapter in a story that I will follow closely. it flows smoothly from and the characters are real. It was like I was there. Good write.

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2014


reply by the author on 21-Aug-2014
    Thanks, Goodauthor. I appreciate your comments and review.
reply by Goodauthor on 21-Aug-2014
    You're welcome.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Excellent
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Hello nor,

Glad to catch another episode in Hans' pre-America life.

The ambiance you create is very authentic.

The kitten in the midst of war torn Berlin is a touching picture.

Thanks for the great read!

Until next time,

Sonali



the rack of shelves came (a ..?) plaintive mewing.

At (the ..?) sight of him, Elsa squeezed my arm.

Her narrowed eyes said (she) didn't appreciate being upstaged by a fur ball and ordered to the kitchen

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2014


reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
    I know about the nits, Sonali, but thanks for pointing them out. This needs a polish. Glad you like the story -- and the kitten.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
Excellent
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this is an excellent chapter, nor84, the difference that is seen in schutte is amazing as it transforms his face with a smile and offers a show of gentleness. I enjoyed reading it.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2014


reply by the author on 20-Aug-2014
    Hi, sweetwood. Yeah, Schutte the killer isn't fond of people, but people melt him. His psychotic behavior is making Hans uneasy, but Hans needs someone to cover his back and provide support. Thanks, as always, for your comments and review.
Comment from Twilightspire
Excellent
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Hans seems to have his hands full in this part. Between catering to Elsa's ego, Shutte's murderous tendencies and now a new kitten; what is he to do?
I like this new part, it shows Hans's jealousy and near frustration with what's going on.
I found one small suggestion for you:

From under the rack of shelves came the plaintive mewing.
-The second "the" should be "a" I believe.

Great chapter and I look forward to the next.
-T.J.

 Comment Written 19-Aug-2014


reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
    Hi, TJ. I have a list printed out. There's a couple of nits. Thanks for reviewing, and for liking it. Schutte is a scary guy, isn't he? The term walking one eggs around someone comes to mind.
Comment from CHIGYSISKI
Excellent
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INTRIGUING STORY.I HOPE THE END IS NOT TOO FAR AWAY.I THINK SCMIDT IS MAKING A MISTAKE LETTING SCHUTTE INTO THEIR GROUP. THESE THREESOMES OFTEN DO NOT WORK OUT. WELL-WRITTEN. GOOD JOB!

 Comment Written 19-Aug-2014


reply by the author on 19-Aug-2014
    Glad you liked it. Thanks for the comments. Even Schmidt is afraid he's making a mistake. Schutte is a cold-blooded killer and Schmidt's seen him kill, but needs somebody to help him protect the girl. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment from lalajovanoski
Excellent
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What beautiful imagery in this. Great use of calm and peaceful words to show your images. I loved the feeling of a dream like state while absorbing nature around you. Great job on this.! Exquisitely composed. Love, L J

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2014

Comment from lindalcreel
Excellent
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So can they really trust this Schutte or is just just playing along and waiting for an opportunity to do them in. I hate when my mind goes off in a crazy direction like that. But it is plausible. I love that Elsa is being ordered around. I have a feeling she is usually the one giving commands.

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2014


reply by the author on 18-Aug-2014
    Now you know I can't tell you what's going on here... Elsa doesn't order so much as manipulate. She was a rich beauty, formerly engaged to Hans. She's used that beauty, her money, and sex to get what she wanted from men. She's attracted to Schutte, the new fellow in the group, and Hans is watching. Glad you liked it, Linda. Hope you'll watch for the next installment. Appreciate the review.
reply by lindalcreel on 18-Aug-2014
    My pleasure. I can see trouble on the horizon.