Jack and Jill
Nursery rhyme with an adult twist58 total reviews
Comment from ann marie mazz
hello amahra
this is marvelous
I like your intake and version
yes it is a modern day version
your words are clever and well stated
this is a feel good entry for certain
you allow the reader to smile and chuckle
that is a plus
thank you for sharing your talent
this was a pleasure to read
you leave us all on a grand note and thought
ann marie
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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hello amahra
this is marvelous
I like your intake and version
yes it is a modern day version
your words are clever and well stated
this is a feel good entry for certain
you allow the reader to smile and chuckle
that is a plus
thank you for sharing your talent
this was a pleasure to read
you leave us all on a grand note and thought
ann marie
Comment Written 19-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014
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Thank you ann marie. So glad you enjoyed my little poem.
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for updating the old nursery rhyme and adding humor. I liked your rhyme scheme, and your "life sucks" remark plus the final line were quite apt. Smiles- Joan
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Thank you for updating the old nursery rhyme and adding humor. I liked your rhyme scheme, and your "life sucks" remark plus the final line were quite apt. Smiles- Joan
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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thank you, Joan.
Comment from Selina Stambi
It was a fun read, all right, Auntie!
Wickedly clever - a rollicking riot!
Chuckles and smiles,
Sonali
And said(,) "(C)hill out my man(,)
I have a wife and a new baby son(.)
A grateful cancer survivor - loves creating beauty out of the hideous and the mundane. Recovered garage-sale-aholic (going into those spaces where the hideous and/or mundane are often to be found...!).
She is an accomplished novelist and is currently at the #5 spot on this years rankings.
She is an accomplished poet and is currently at the #80 spot on this years rankings.
She is also an active reviewer and is holding the #34 spot on the top ranked reviewer list.
Portfolio | Become A Fan
A tea party of three - I, myself and me.
Tea for two today, please, and some cucumber sandwiches, maybe. A slice of white chocolate vanilla cream cake, of course - the kind with slivers of almond and dark chocolate curls drizzled all over it.
No counting calories.
Follow the stepping-stones to this sweet spot. The old bench beckons. We will sip and munch, and pause from time to time to sing joy-songs in the solitude of this space.
Pristine paradise! Pierce my soul, oh, still silence of noisy nature, while peace ponders amidst the purple petunias; the faint fragrance of lilac lingers in my nostrils.
My fancy flits upwards, flies outwards, beyond the borders of my mortal mesh. I see myself soar above the cotton wool clouds, looking down upon the coils of carnal bondage.
Peel off the presence of pain and pretense. Cradle the naked human heart in all its festering rawness. See it rise from its state of somber sorrow, timidly parting its petals in the gentleness of this shadowed shrine. Anything is possible today.
Serene solace, stay. Shelter me from the warfare within.
Be my shield in this solitary sanctuary.
Saturate me with the beauty I behold.
Secure me to your side. Slowly, softly.
Sigh, but just for joy.
Drink deep of this potent brew that defies all definition.
Intoxicate and make me whole again.
My gaze falls upon feathery fern-fronds. My musings meander to Maureen. To one summer morning when we walked our dogs - she and I - shortly after dawn. Puppy yapped and cavorted after a renegade rabbit. Led by his leash, I paused to peer at a patch of ferns pleading to come home. I picked a piece which grew to fill a floral border with fragile frills of green.
Too many years ago.
There is a solemn sadness in the sweetness of these reveries. They bring the brevity of life to remembrance, and the transience of time; the inevitability of the journey's end.
I am thankful for the thoughts of eternity, the lessons I've learned. I am grateful for the gifts of sorrow and tears that cause the veil to vanish, revealing the rainbow in all its sparkling splendour.
God, may I introduce my friend, Maureen?
She didn't choose to come to my meeting place today. She's shut me out and shrugged me away. She wouldn't come to tea with I, myself and me.
I can't seem to sense the right words to speak, and sometimes I feel stupid. I think she's sick, but she doesn't say.
Should I speak sugar-coated platitudes to tell her how sorry I am? Should I show sympathy, or shall I stay silent?
Show her how to seek the stars and see the stairway to her dreams, so she can shine.
Hold her hand. She won't take mine.
I'd like you to meet Maureen, God. This is my friend.
I cried for her today.
.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2014
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It was a fun read, all right, Auntie!
Wickedly clever - a rollicking riot!
Chuckles and smiles,
Sonali
And said(,) "(C)hill out my man(,)
I have a wife and a new baby son(.)
A grateful cancer survivor - loves creating beauty out of the hideous and the mundane. Recovered garage-sale-aholic (going into those spaces where the hideous and/or mundane are often to be found...!).
She is an accomplished novelist and is currently at the #5 spot on this years rankings.
She is an accomplished poet and is currently at the #80 spot on this years rankings.
She is also an active reviewer and is holding the #34 spot on the top ranked reviewer list.
Portfolio | Become A Fan
A tea party of three - I, myself and me.
Tea for two today, please, and some cucumber sandwiches, maybe. A slice of white chocolate vanilla cream cake, of course - the kind with slivers of almond and dark chocolate curls drizzled all over it.
No counting calories.
Follow the stepping-stones to this sweet spot. The old bench beckons. We will sip and munch, and pause from time to time to sing joy-songs in the solitude of this space.
Pristine paradise! Pierce my soul, oh, still silence of noisy nature, while peace ponders amidst the purple petunias; the faint fragrance of lilac lingers in my nostrils.
My fancy flits upwards, flies outwards, beyond the borders of my mortal mesh. I see myself soar above the cotton wool clouds, looking down upon the coils of carnal bondage.
Peel off the presence of pain and pretense. Cradle the naked human heart in all its festering rawness. See it rise from its state of somber sorrow, timidly parting its petals in the gentleness of this shadowed shrine. Anything is possible today.
Serene solace, stay. Shelter me from the warfare within.
Be my shield in this solitary sanctuary.
Saturate me with the beauty I behold.
Secure me to your side. Slowly, softly.
Sigh, but just for joy.
Drink deep of this potent brew that defies all definition.
Intoxicate and make me whole again.
My gaze falls upon feathery fern-fronds. My musings meander to Maureen. To one summer morning when we walked our dogs - she and I - shortly after dawn. Puppy yapped and cavorted after a renegade rabbit. Led by his leash, I paused to peer at a patch of ferns pleading to come home. I picked a piece which grew to fill a floral border with fragile frills of green.
Too many years ago.
There is a solemn sadness in the sweetness of these reveries. They bring the brevity of life to remembrance, and the transience of time; the inevitability of the journey's end.
I am thankful for the thoughts of eternity, the lessons I've learned. I am grateful for the gifts of sorrow and tears that cause the veil to vanish, revealing the rainbow in all its sparkling splendour.
God, may I introduce my friend, Maureen?
She didn't choose to come to my meeting place today. She's shut me out and shrugged me away. She wouldn't come to tea with I, myself and me.
I can't seem to sense the right words to speak, and sometimes I feel stupid. I think she's sick, but she doesn't say.
Should I speak sugar-coated platitudes to tell her how sorry I am? Should I show sympathy, or shall I stay silent?
Show her how to seek the stars and see the stairway to her dreams, so she can shine.
Hold her hand. She won't take mine.
I'd like you to meet Maureen, God. This is my friend.
I cried for her today.
.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2014
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thank you. how did these two get attached?
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Oh, my goodness - I have NO idea! So sorry about that. xxx
Comment from dennis0530
The author's modern-day Jack and Jill; and a Jack with a heart.
This is indeed written with an adult twist and a modern touch. Three desperate characters meet and their fates play on one another.
The intertwining of morality comes into play. Helpful drug addicts falling for a criminal's ploy and in the end helps him out.
In this tale about "bad" people, the writer manages to show their better sides.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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The author's modern-day Jack and Jill; and a Jack with a heart.
This is indeed written with an adult twist and a modern touch. Three desperate characters meet and their fates play on one another.
The intertwining of morality comes into play. Helpful drug addicts falling for a criminal's ploy and in the end helps him out.
In this tale about "bad" people, the writer manages to show their better sides.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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thank you dennis for this fantstic review.
Comment from L.M.Mullins
Cleverly crafted, light hearted poem you have written here. Both funny and a sad reality of the modern day Jack and Jill.
LM
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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Cleverly crafted, light hearted poem you have written here. Both funny and a sad reality of the modern day Jack and Jill.
LM
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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Thank you LM.
Comment from Liandra
You succeeded in making it a fun read!
Your rhythm is definitely working and the poem told a good story.
A brilliant Jack and Jill story, well done.
:) Liandra
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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You succeeded in making it a fun read!
Your rhythm is definitely working and the poem told a good story.
A brilliant Jack and Jill story, well done.
:) Liandra
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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thank you very much Liandra.
Comment from granny goes viral
OK, had me at the first line. This is like a country song, could be lyrics. Fine piece of stoned mutterings. Oh where are the munchies?
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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OK, had me at the first line. This is like a country song, could be lyrics. Fine piece of stoned mutterings. Oh where are the munchies?
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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thank you granny.
Comment from Glasstruth
Wow! What a story. Like how you used Jack and Jill in a modern way, not like what I read when I was a kid. LOL. Wish the originality would've been there when I first heard the story. Nice rhyming throughout. Great story! Les
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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Wow! What a story. Like how you used Jack and Jill in a modern way, not like what I read when I was a kid. LOL. Wish the originality would've been there when I first heard the story. Nice rhyming throughout. Great story! Les
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much Les. I was trying to imagine what Jack and Jill would do in our world. But they could have become nice doctors and Lawyers, or Rock stars. LOL
Comment from Leineco
An interesting twist :-) Jack and Jill grow up - but their bad luck just keeps following after. I guess in a way, it's a parable of life. Sometimes your up, and sometimes your down. . .and in between is the climbing and falling. ;-)
Fun to read :-)
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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An interesting twist :-) Jack and Jill grow up - but their bad luck just keeps following after. I guess in a way, it's a parable of life. Sometimes your up, and sometimes your down. . .and in between is the climbing and falling. ;-)
Fun to read :-)
Comment Written 02-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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thank you Leineco. I'm glad you found it fun.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Don't worry, it is a fun read! I thought it was very clever and unfortunately it is a reflection on today's world. But I hope there are more ordinary people out there than what we realise. Well done with a comment on society, Giddy
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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Don't worry, it is a fun read! I thought it was very clever and unfortunately it is a reflection on today's world. But I hope there are more ordinary people out there than what we realise. Well done with a comment on society, Giddy
Comment Written 01-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2014
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Thank you so much Giddy.
