Comment from Contests

A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review.

 Comment Written 05-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Sep-2014

Thank you so much! I'm honored. Bev

Comment from Mastery

Exceptional

Hi, Bev. Just stopped by to catch another chapter, and I see you are up for BOM again. I signed my remark "M"..Good job here, once again btw. You have an excellent way of keeping the excitement flowing.


Suggestions:

"He looked back at the ground' (looked down, might be better)

And: "He felt in his bones a bad situation waited for him (a bit off kilter-sounding...perhaps "In his bones he felt a bad situation...etc


Great job as usual, Bev. I am still on hold, but a couple of the deals fell through...ie, Google "Black Rose Writing" and tell me what you think...LOL Bob

 Comment Written 04-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Sep-2014

Hi, Bob. Thanks so much for the really wonderful review and suggestions. I think they make good sense! So, I appreciate it.

I'm sorry for your disappointing news. I will google that site and send you a note. Something better will come along, I feel very confident of that prediction.

And thank you for the vote, Bob. I really appreciate your confidence and support.

Big Hug,

Bev

reply by Mastery on 05-Sep-2014

Well, I still have two possibles with the Ms in their hands. so all is never lost...Right? Thanks and big hug to you, too. (from Lynie, too)

Comment from AprilShower

Excellent

I am wondering how many pages this book will have, Bev. You might have to make this a series of books. This is very interesting. Well done.

April

 Comment Written 31-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 01-Sep-2014

I'll be trimming and cutting with the editing process as you are quite right - it's too long for public consumption :)

Comment from LoannaLois

Excellent

Just excellent writing. This story line is intelligent, exciting, and interesting.Although I am behind, I knew I wanted to know more. This is super.

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2014

Thank you so very much, LoannaLois. What a very kind and encouraging review from you. I really appreciate it.

:) Bev

Comment from jadapenn

Excellent

Ooh, the evil powers are wielding around here and driving fear into both Jake and Father Brian. You wrote this section well, friend. It made me uncomfortable being on this page with that evil dog. Thank goodness Wasu is an angelic hound. Now to get to that mine. Well penned. luv jada

 Comment Written 29-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2014

Jada, thank you, my friend for your awesome and gracious review. Your support has meant so very much through this project!

Hugs, Bev

Comment from DALLAS01

Exceptional

I really found the inner dialogue helpful in maintaining the characters moods and fears.

A flash of movement at one of the windows drew his eye. Shit! Ty wasn't lying to me
I liked the sudden thrust into the next scene, it gives the reader a jolt.

Though but a pinpoint, it carried the breath of holiness.
(short sentence that carries a bi impact.)

A wind set the tree tops flailing and slammed him into the trunk. Bark, leaves and debris pelted him. Brian fell sideways, dazed and bleeding from a cut on his cheek. An arm's length away, the roots of a fifty-foot cedar lifted up out of the ground and whipped about like snakes in a mating frenzy. Severed of its security, the trunk toppled forward.
Taut visual images that places the reader in the fray.

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014

Thanks so much for all the attention you gave to this review, Dallas. I always find your insights helpful as is the case here. The internal dialogue aspect is a direct result of working with Rama Devi as I begin editing the novel. So, thanks for mentioning that! Your support and generosity mean a lot to me. :) Bev

reply by DALLAS01 on 23-Jul-2014

rd has a sharp eye.

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2014

Oh yeah!!! hehe

Comment from MM lives on :)

Exceptional

Last six star and it couldnt of went to a better
Writer..Bev you have such amazing talent
And it shows everytime i read you
Keep up the great work
I look forward to reading you again

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jul-2014

Thanks so much, Christopher, for this awesome review. You've been such a support for me through this novel and I deeply appreciate you for it. XX Bev

reply by MM lives on :) on 19-Jul-2014

Most welcome :)

Comment from Connie C

Exceptional

Hi Bev,

Here are just some of the things I really like about this chapter:
--great description, making it easy to see Jake up in the tree
--excellent image of Brian and his struggles here
--being a dog lover, I like that the dog is leading Brian out
--good use of italics, as you often do, to reflect on the characters' thoughts

As always, a pleasure to read another of your chapters. This one seems especially fast-paced. Good work, my friend.
Hugs,
Connie

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014

Hi, Connie. Thank you so much for this very encouraging review. Just a couple of more chapters to go! You've been such a great support for me, and I really do appreciate you, my friend.

It's especially helpful to get your specific feedback on what worked for you.

Hugs, Bev

Comment from Patrick G Cox

Exceptional

Hi Writingfundimension,

Great chapter, I love the fact that Wasu is sent to guide the priest. An angel dog sent to counter the evil devil dog - and one hopes given the power to overcome it.

Lovely read, the fat cop up the tree is hilarious as well.

Patrick

 Comment Written 17-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014

Hi, Patrick. Thank you so much for this great review and your encouragement. Yes, poor Jake, has been a tool for some light humor. The reservation near my home has a serious problem with obesity and diabetes. Some of it's genetics and some of it is the type of foods they/we all eat.

:) Bev

Comment from djsaxon

Exceptional

Great read. Well constructed and fast paced. Really like the italicized device for internal thoughts. I use it all the time. It avoids that awful 'he thought' qualifier. Good closer. The reader wants to know more. cheers - DJ

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014

Thank you so much, DJ. I'm really honored by this gracious and very generous review. Your encouragement and support mean a lot to me. :) Bev