The Attitude - Part 3
Cynthia's continues to struggle19 total reviews
Comment from Pyrrho
Coach Hall (was sitting) SAT at her desk ... simple declarative always better than passive ... it increases your pace and punches up your presentation.
chewing=>chewed,and staring=>stared
Other than the notes above I took while reading, this is excellent.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Coach Hall (was sitting) SAT at her desk ... simple declarative always better than passive ... it increases your pace and punches up your presentation.
chewing=>chewed,and staring=>stared
Other than the notes above I took while reading, this is excellent.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2014
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Thank you very much for your helpful review!
Comment from A Matter Of Words
The stress of achievement is very well written here, Boxergirl. Cee's stress over not being in the game is very palpable. This is the first chapter of this story I have and I will try and go back to the beginning.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2014
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The stress of achievement is very well written here, Boxergirl. Cee's stress over not being in the game is very palpable. This is the first chapter of this story I have and I will try and go back to the beginning.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2014
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Thank you! 8-)
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You're welcome.
Comment from c_lucas
It is unusual for the coach not coming to the aid of a player when her big break is just around the corner. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014
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It is unusual for the coach not coming to the aid of a player when her big break is just around the corner. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much. 8-)
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You're welcome, BG. Charlie
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I think it will take more than this to make Cynthia turn around. I was going to say there needs to be more emotion here, but then I remembered the audience you're writing for, so maybe not.
made her 'I don't have a clue' face. "Okay..." Coach Hall continued. "Let me just lay it (comma after continued)
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014
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I think it will take more than this to make Cynthia turn around. I was going to say there needs to be more emotion here, but then I remembered the audience you're writing for, so maybe not.
made her 'I don't have a clue' face. "Okay..." Coach Hall continued. "Let me just lay it (comma after continued)
Comment Written 18-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014
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Thanks. I agree. Trying to keep it real.
Comment from dennis0530
Sometimes a perceived enemy is really a concerned and true friend. But too often in real life we mistake those who criticize us being against us not andnot appreciating their concern. This is the expected reaction when a self-centered individual is full of herself.
A small but important lesson against drug-taking is given focus here. Pills do not solve problems of ego and pride.
I would say, the subjects of self-worth, and humility are touched on in this writing. And more, very important to point out who our true friends are.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014
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Sometimes a perceived enemy is really a concerned and true friend. But too often in real life we mistake those who criticize us being against us not andnot appreciating their concern. This is the expected reaction when a self-centered individual is full of herself.
A small but important lesson against drug-taking is given focus here. Pills do not solve problems of ego and pride.
I would say, the subjects of self-worth, and humility are touched on in this writing. And more, very important to point out who our true friends are.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much, Dennis. 8-)
Comment from Nosha17
This is a good story for young people, especially those involved in sport to read. It has a good message about being focussed and not succumbing to anger and doing silly things like taking pills. Well written in the narrative, characters are well drawn and the dialogue is good. Most enjoyable. Faye
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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This is a good story for young people, especially those involved in sport to read. It has a good message about being focussed and not succumbing to anger and doing silly things like taking pills. Well written in the narrative, characters are well drawn and the dialogue is good. Most enjoyable. Faye
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much! 8-)
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Karen.
This is a great twist in the story, and a huge frustration for Cynthia. I like that the coach held firm to her decision to bench her, regardless of the scout coming. Many teens have entitlement issues, and feel they are above any rules.
The second part with the pills is well handled. Becca, a true friend is trying to pull Cynthia out of her slump and offer support. Again, well shown and captures the emotions of kids at this age.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Hi, Karen.
This is a great twist in the story, and a huge frustration for Cynthia. I like that the coach held firm to her decision to bench her, regardless of the scout coming. Many teens have entitlement issues, and feel they are above any rules.
The second part with the pills is well handled. Becca, a true friend is trying to pull Cynthia out of her slump and offer support. Again, well shown and captures the emotions of kids at this age.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much. 8-)
Comment from WritingsByG
Good smooth flowing revelation of teen angst and 'needing' the competitive edge they think they need to please others rather then themsleves.
Thanks for a very good read.
G
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Good smooth flowing revelation of teen angst and 'needing' the competitive edge they think they need to please others rather then themsleves.
Thanks for a very good read.
G
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much G.
Comment from Writingfundimension
I like the tension you build in this chapter, BG. Though I wonder if Cynthia may have gotten the prescription through her Doctor? Of course, that could take the story in a different direction than you had in mind. I've come to care about your protagonist. Looking forward to the next installment.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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I like the tension you build in this chapter, BG. Though I wonder if Cynthia may have gotten the prescription through her Doctor? Of course, that could take the story in a different direction than you had in mind. I've come to care about your protagonist. Looking forward to the next installment.
:) Bev
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thanks Bev. Cynthia got the pills from her dad's medicine cabinet in Part two. 8-)
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Oops, didn't recall reading that. Makes perfect sense now LoL. :) Bev
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No problem. 8-)
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:)
Comment from adewpearl
excellent dialogue that shows the stern demeanor of the no-nonsense coach and the desperate girl
good dialogue also between this troubled girl and her helpful, compassionate friend
Brooke
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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excellent dialogue that shows the stern demeanor of the no-nonsense coach and the desperate girl
good dialogue also between this troubled girl and her helpful, compassionate friend
Brooke
Comment Written 17-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2014
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Thank you very much, Brooke. 8-)
