Comment from BlueFlag

Excellent

very good chapter and read
good luck with this piece
worthy of my 5 star review
and good luck with it
it already has a ribbon
and is on it's way to victory!
Stick around for your 2nd ribbon...

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014

Thanks so much!

reply by BlueFlag on 14-Jul-2014

your welcome boxer girl

Comment from MIKECON

Excellent

Good storyline that relates a message to all.The inter action between the characters is good and I am sure goes on.
Whatever happened to humility in modern sport.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2014

Thanks for reviewing. Humility has left the building. 8-)

Comment from Writingfundimension

Excellent

I think you've done a great job with this short story and I very much look forward to reading more, BG. The dialogue is very realistic, to my eye, and fits with the audience you're writing for. Great job!

:) Bev

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2014

Thanks, Bev. I am learning "lots" from all of you. 8-)

reply by Writingfundimension on 12-Jul-2014

You have a unique voice that I like, BG. And I know what you mean about learning from others all the time.

:) Bev

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I can't wait for part 2. This is a reality for many athletics, boys and girls. You did a good job with this post. I will become a fan so I don't miss any more of your work.

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks so much. I am trying to improve my storytelling skills so any and all input welcome. Part 2 coming soon! 8-)

Comment from Mystic Angel 7777

Excellent

This is very well written and quite engaging. You do a beautiful job here of setting the scene for what I assume will be the delivery of a valuable life lesson. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks so much. Trying to hone my skills for YA or younger fiction stories. 8-) All feedback welcome. 8-)

Comment from Rosalyne

Excellent

Hi, Karen.
Great opening. You caught my attention right from the onset. You clearly show teen attitude and cockiness that drips off of kids at this age. I like how you describe the basketball drills with great visuals. Girl shunning is very common at this age, such cliques and nastiness. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Bye
Rosalyne :)

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks, Rosalyne. As a former coach, I blew my whistle many times. 8-)

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

BG... I think you have the jist for that younger audience. It's a story that I've seen many times as I coached boys baseball and girls softball over the years.
Well done. It read Part I, more coming to the story, I hope?
John

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks, John. Yes, as a former coach, I have lived this story too. I have divided it into shorter parts as I try to improve my story telling skills. All feedback welcome. 8-)

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

I liked Coach Hall right from the get-go, boxergirl. She's absolutely right, there is no "I" in "TEAM". They do everything together, or not at all. Well, or over again, as the case may be here.

Cynthia seems to feel as if she's too good to be subjected to the menial rigors of practice and training. At least Rebecca tries to keep her on her toes, and grounded in reality. Sounds like Cee Cee needs it. Natural, raw talent and ability is great. But just like anything we happen to be good at, practice is what helps to make us perfect. Well, as perfect as humanly possible, anyhow.

"Be humble, lest you stumble". I like that...

Great beginning to your story, BG. I only noticed one minor error, which I've listed below.

Good work!


"Yeah," Holly aggreed agreed as she threw her towel down on the floor.

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks so much, Dean. I am trying to improve my story telling skills, especially for this age group. Thanks for the spelling catch. Any feedback is encouraged and welcomed! 8-)

reply by Dean Kuch on 11-Jul-2014

My pleasure, BG. Anytime! 8]

Comment from Cin

Excellent

I can see that Cynthia may have a learning curve a head of her. This was really well written. I'm not a big basketball fan but I have played a lot of other sports and I recognise the attitude. I'm looking forward to part II and seeing how your plot unfolds and the characters continue to develop.

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks so much. I appreciate your review and comments. Part 2 coming soon. 8-)

Comment from dennis0530

Excellent

The writer gives an introductory profile of the "basketball star" in this first part. So, for now we can only guess how she will come out. Will she be a changed character? Humbled or risking to stumble?

Maybe she has enough time to be a team player.

Just a minor slip to correct - "aggreed" should be AGREED

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jul-2014

Thanks so much for the review and the spelling catch. 8-)