The Bard of Bel Air
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "The Team Makes Preparations"A homeless man sees more than people realize.
13 total reviews
Comment from l.raven
OK Michael, hot time in the old town today...LOL...Loved the poem ...and the music you pick is great...and Lucy is still coming on strong...Next...LOL...this is fun...tells you what my life is like...LOL..just kidding...I am loving this...Luff Linda xxoo love
  |
OK Michael, hot time in the old town today...LOL...Loved the poem ...and the music you pick is great...and Lucy is still coming on strong...Next...LOL...this is fun...tells you what my life is like...LOL..just kidding...I am loving this...Luff Linda xxoo love
Comment Written 18-May-2014
Comment from seaglass
This piece is a bridge from one piece of action to the next. Bridges are always important (the explainin'part) and you made it enjoyable with some light hearted interaction.
|
This piece is a bridge from one piece of action to the next. Bridges are always important (the explainin'part) and you made it enjoyable with some light hearted interaction.
Comment Written 17-May-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
I really loved the poem, especially the "eagle's oubliette." I also loved the Bard singing "Doo Wah Diddy" - I actually felt I could hear him, this was so well-written. I like your pacing in this chapter; it's really moving along and kept my attention to the end. I have to tell you, though, I think you've overwritten this in this first draft. This seems like too many chapters to tell this much of the story. I'm afraid you might lose readers. If you re-write this, I'd suggest making it as spare as possible. If you could tell this same story in, say, fifteen chapters, I think that would pack a lot more punch - and I think you could do that.
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
|
I really loved the poem, especially the "eagle's oubliette." I also loved the Bard singing "Doo Wah Diddy" - I actually felt I could hear him, this was so well-written. I like your pacing in this chapter; it's really moving along and kept my attention to the end. I have to tell you, though, I think you've overwritten this in this first draft. This seems like too many chapters to tell this much of the story. I'm afraid you might lose readers. If you re-write this, I'd suggest making it as spare as possible. If you could tell this same story in, say, fifteen chapters, I think that would pack a lot more punch - and I think you could do that.
Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
-
Yes! That is my current dilemma. I have too many characters and too many angles. So now it's heading towards a conclusion and there are things that I had planned that I may not be able to do without stopping the momentum. Well, glad you are enjoying. At least I feel pleased that I have something good to work with!! mikey
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Holy smokes ... Batman! Live action!!!!! that is my style. I like your poem by the Bard. The Bard is a music singing pompus fool. LOL! Great chapter! Finally, seeing daylight, catching up. Woo--I finally got a chapter posted. Lots of work in this one. Later Lion King ... wackydo, do loco.
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
|
Holy smokes ... Batman! Live action!!!!! that is my style. I like your poem by the Bard. The Bard is a music singing pompus fool. LOL! Great chapter! Finally, seeing daylight, catching up. Woo--I finally got a chapter posted. Lots of work in this one. Later Lion King ... wackydo, do loco.
Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
-
I'll catch your chapter tonight. Glad you are liking this. I made it a bit too complicated I think. But, it is taking off now and I can't stop it. Hahaha
Comment from Nosha17
You had me on the edge of my seat, it is so well thought out, the master storyteller! It is fast-moving, your characters are slick. Most enjoyable as always. Faye
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
|
You had me on the edge of my seat, it is so well thought out, the master storyteller! It is fast-moving, your characters are slick. Most enjoyable as always. Faye
Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
-
That is so exciting to hear. So pleased you are enjoying it. mikey
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the story. Lucy has found a way in,. It looks like Winston rescued The Chief. He was just a lowly player, but he may know to much. The bard is mentality ill. He is unpredictable. But he is safer than most sane people. Her does not know to be afraid of things sane people fear. Great work.
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
|
I love the story. Lucy has found a way in,. It looks like Winston rescued The Chief. He was just a lowly player, but he may know to much. The bard is mentality ill. He is unpredictable. But he is safer than most sane people. Her does not know to be afraid of things sane people fear. Great work.
Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
-
Perfect insights into everything. Delighted to hear that you are seeing it the same way I am!!! Yea! mikey
Comment from nordicgirl
This is rolling at breakneck pace. All the characters are so well drawn. Anyone can step into yhe spotlight and keep the readrr engaged. Great work. Can't believe this is a first dtaft. NG
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
 |
This is rolling at breakneck pace. All the characters are so well drawn. Anyone can step into yhe spotlight and keep the readrr engaged. Great work. Can't believe this is a first dtaft. NG
Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
-
Thank you so much. I think when I edit that I may not need so many strong characters and story lines. I'm confusing myself!! mikey
Comment from Sankey
SO funny and a good piece of work yet again! Shock horror NO SPAGS! Wassamatterwith you Mikey? This is not like you hehe! Thanks looking forward to wherever we are headed.
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
|
SO funny and a good piece of work yet again! Shock horror NO SPAGS! Wassamatterwith you Mikey? This is not like you hehe! Thanks looking forward to wherever we are headed.
Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
-
It's just blind luck!! There are at least half a dozen dumb mistakes I always make even though I know better. I just caught them myself for a change!!!
-
Good onya mate!
Comment from c_lucas
This is a well written, action filled with double dealings. There is a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good job.
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
|
This is a well written, action filled with double dealings. There is a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good job.
Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
-
Thank you so much. That is great to hear! mikey
-
You're welcome, Michael. Charlei
Comment from Michaelk
To tell you the truth,I forgot about the chief. That was a stroke of genius having ruby be the translator, but won't winston recognize her? She and diamond were in harpster's house when winston was there. Great chapter. You're building a full head of steam heading down the tracks toward conclusion. I have to wonder who is going to get steamrolled.
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
|
To tell you the truth,I forgot about the chief. That was a stroke of genius having ruby be the translator, but won't winston recognize her? She and diamond were in harpster's house when winston was there. Great chapter. You're building a full head of steam heading down the tracks toward conclusion. I have to wonder who is going to get steamrolled.
Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
-
I'm hoping that he may not even recognize her without all the make-up and glam. But, he seemingly went along with Lucy's explanation of herself. So, well see. The girls might be in some danger. We'll see, I'm not sure myself! Hahaha. mikey
