The Alchemist
What poetry means to me36 total reviews
Comment from jonmichael
Hey Sir, this is a very powerful piece. There is an urgency in this prayer that gives all who attempt at creation an utter moment of silence. There is an unyielding pace that picks up after the exposition of stanza 1 and picks up with stanza 2, This one has the speed of reliable imagery starting with the incendiary (to the average reader) word "naked," and followed that with the word foul. It does evoke the baser instincts to the reader. This leads to the 3rd stanza with lines 1 & 2 with the effects of lust filled actions being trumped by the next two lines, the nexus of equality (smile). This works so well and it does set up the last two stanzas which echo the plea and overall message of the poem.
I like the contradiction in simplicity that the message and the writing bring in compliment.
Great piece
Jon-Michael
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Hey Sir, this is a very powerful piece. There is an urgency in this prayer that gives all who attempt at creation an utter moment of silence. There is an unyielding pace that picks up after the exposition of stanza 1 and picks up with stanza 2, This one has the speed of reliable imagery starting with the incendiary (to the average reader) word "naked," and followed that with the word foul. It does evoke the baser instincts to the reader. This leads to the 3rd stanza with lines 1 & 2 with the effects of lust filled actions being trumped by the next two lines, the nexus of equality (smile). This works so well and it does set up the last two stanzas which echo the plea and overall message of the poem.
I like the contradiction in simplicity that the message and the writing bring in compliment.
Great piece
Jon-Michael
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Jon-Michael, thanks for the kind words and the detailed review.
It is always pleasing to find a reviewer who can comment on real detail.
Steve
Comment from poetbear
I am so sorry that I missed this one.
We forge a magical carpet made of imagery,metaphor,rhyme, reason,and technique.
We craft it and edit it.
When it is ready we call it a poem and are proud.
Excellent work and gteat image!
reply by the author on 31-May-2014
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I am so sorry that I missed this one.
We forge a magical carpet made of imagery,metaphor,rhyme, reason,and technique.
We craft it and edit it.
When it is ready we call it a poem and are proud.
Excellent work and gteat image!
Comment Written 30-May-2014
reply by the author on 31-May-2014
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Thanks so much for the lovely review.
Steve
Comment from bertodi
beautiful words, wonderful messages- in our imperfect world- you are a romantic. Unfortunately, my world has been one of our standing by our friends, all our family suffering to feed and cloth our Jewish friends back home,(we are Hungarian ethnics) then to be stabbed in the back and used by them here- you are so vulnerable and we have new friends now and do not need you anymore... and the English, for whom we were hard working and excellent citizens- are no longer those who paid to bring us here back after the war-- we have a better use for you now, to use for illegal experiments. both groups we trusted - so I am not much for fine words anymore- but it is a good write disregarding the horror of our lives over here the last 30 years since Human Research took our lives for themselves.
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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beautiful words, wonderful messages- in our imperfect world- you are a romantic. Unfortunately, my world has been one of our standing by our friends, all our family suffering to feed and cloth our Jewish friends back home,(we are Hungarian ethnics) then to be stabbed in the back and used by them here- you are so vulnerable and we have new friends now and do not need you anymore... and the English, for whom we were hard working and excellent citizens- are no longer those who paid to bring us here back after the war-- we have a better use for you now, to use for illegal experiments. both groups we trusted - so I am not much for fine words anymore- but it is a good write disregarding the horror of our lives over here the last 30 years since Human Research took our lives for themselves.
Comment Written 10-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you for the kind words. I am perhaps not quite the romantic this poem portrays....
Steve
Comment from mountainwriter49
Hi, Steven
Congratulations for your poem placing in the Contest! It is well written and was a pleasure to read. I am so pleased you were recognized.
I think your last stanza is a perfect resolution to and conclusion of the poem. Well done, my friend.
Ray
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Hi, Steven
Congratulations for your poem placing in the Contest! It is well written and was a pleasure to read. I am so pleased you were recognized.
I think your last stanza is a perfect resolution to and conclusion of the poem. Well done, my friend.
Ray
Comment Written 05-May-2014
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Thanks, Ray - it means a lot coming from such a fine poet as yourself.
Steve
Comment from Quire's Gal
Hi Steve,
Just stopping by to say how much I love this. awesome verbiage, fantastic rhymes and rhythm, you certainly deserved a win. I think yours is better than mine and was a bit surprised to see my names amongst the winners.
Keep up the scribing!
Katherine
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Hi Steve,
Just stopping by to say how much I love this. awesome verbiage, fantastic rhymes and rhythm, you certainly deserved a win. I think yours is better than mine and was a bit surprised to see my names amongst the winners.
Keep up the scribing!
Katherine
Comment Written 05-May-2014
reply by the author on 06-May-2014
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Hi, Katherine - haven't seen you around for a while.
Thanks for the six stars and the praise and congratulations on your placing - all I will say is that our poems were different and there will always be subjective factors influencing the outcome of these contests, plus this particular contest had a multitude of fine entries - I was happy to even make the podium...
Steve
Comment from Cumbrianlass
You're so good, Steve. Another wonderful poem that simply begs to be read. Your use of words always impresses me. The message in this - the strength of the word - is just brilliant.
I wouldn't be surprised if you had another winner here.
I only have one comment - just something that struck me as I read.
Work your mystery and magic,
wield your words of secret art;
change all sorrowful and tragic
forge pure peace within our heart. - you use 'your' all the way though except for the last line. Then you use 'our'. It kind of popped out for me. My mind wanted it to be 'your heart'.
Just thought I'd mention it.
Fantastic work, my friend.
Av
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
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You're so good, Steve. Another wonderful poem that simply begs to be read. Your use of words always impresses me. The message in this - the strength of the word - is just brilliant.
I wouldn't be surprised if you had another winner here.
I only have one comment - just something that struck me as I read.
Work your mystery and magic,
wield your words of secret art;
change all sorrowful and tragic
forge pure peace within our heart. - you use 'your' all the way though except for the last line. Then you use 'our'. It kind of popped out for me. My mind wanted it to be 'your heart'.
Just thought I'd mention it.
Fantastic work, my friend.
Av
Comment Written 03-May-2014
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
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Av, thanks for the generous review- I fear the competition is much stronger this time....
Regarding that last stanza - it makes good sense if you see the whole poem being addressed to the alchemist/poet from the people/readers - so the imperative verbs at the start of each line are all asking the poet to use his/her skills to help us, the readers/people of the world.
Thanks again.
Steve
Comment from mfowler
This is a terrific expression of 'what poetry means to you'. The rhythm is clean and powerful through the rhyme and the wonderful imagery. It's also the use of strong verbs throughout, beginning most lines and providing clear directions for the alchemist. You tell the 'alchemist' to take you and rip away the limiting, and transmute these aspects of the poet into something of beauty:Take our base, transmute to beauty,turn our leaden thoughts to gold. Your third and fourth verses offers options for what we are to become so that:To the sick at heart and ailing in the darkness, raise a light. You want this change to emanate in our words so that we can be a beacon of hope and love beyond ourselves. You finish splendidly when more directions are almost urgently given to the alchemist:change all sorrowful and tragic
forge pure peace within our heart.....and inspiring write Steve, a real gem among a great cluster of entries.
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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This is a terrific expression of 'what poetry means to you'. The rhythm is clean and powerful through the rhyme and the wonderful imagery. It's also the use of strong verbs throughout, beginning most lines and providing clear directions for the alchemist. You tell the 'alchemist' to take you and rip away the limiting, and transmute these aspects of the poet into something of beauty:Take our base, transmute to beauty,turn our leaden thoughts to gold. Your third and fourth verses offers options for what we are to become so that:To the sick at heart and ailing in the darkness, raise a light. You want this change to emanate in our words so that we can be a beacon of hope and love beyond ourselves. You finish splendidly when more directions are almost urgently given to the alchemist:change all sorrowful and tragic
forge pure peace within our heart.....and inspiring write Steve, a real gem among a great cluster of entries.
Comment Written 03-May-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Thank you so much for the thoughtful and detailed review.
I have to say that I am not 100% certain I have turned anything into gold with this one, so your comments are most encouraging!
And you are right - there are some wonderful entries for this contest.
Steve
Comment from GracieAnn
Kiwi, this write utilizes strong metaphors appropriate to the profession described. Base as in PH, lead, gold, crucible, fire and more. Well done with originality. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Kiwi, this write utilizes strong metaphors appropriate to the profession described. Base as in PH, lead, gold, crucible, fire and more. Well done with originality. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 03-May-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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GracieAnne, thanks so much for the encouraging words.
Steve
Comment from arsinBW
Great stuff and I wish you well in the contest. I'm afraid not so many people see poetry the way you do anymore. And that's a shame.
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Great stuff and I wish you well in the contest. I'm afraid not so many people see poetry the way you do anymore. And that's a shame.
Comment Written 02-May-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Thank you for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from adewpearl
solid use of abab rhyming
I like the strong verbs you use in your imperative statements
excellent cadence when read aloud
good alliteration in fire of freedom
and in your final stanza
I love the extended metaphor of the alchemist for poets who transform words to magic :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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solid use of abab rhyming
I like the strong verbs you use in your imperative statements
excellent cadence when read aloud
good alliteration in fire of freedom
and in your final stanza
I love the extended metaphor of the alchemist for poets who transform words to magic :-) Brooke
Comment Written 02-May-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Thanks, Brooke.
I appreciate your thoughtful review as always.
Steve
