This Cold Beach
memories rekindled ... travelling in Tasmania89 total reviews
Comment from DALLAS01
wow, you have certainly provided some vivid, and I might add, serene imagery here. The alliteration is scattered with ease across the page. I love the following line:
lollipopped houses licking sugared miles
and curves of cream-with-coffee sands ...
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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wow, you have certainly provided some vivid, and I might add, serene imagery here. The alliteration is scattered with ease across the page. I love the following line:
lollipopped houses licking sugared miles
and curves of cream-with-coffee sands ...
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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Thx so much Dallas - I enjoyed writing this one! :)Sharyn
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you're welcome.
Comment from kiwisteveh
You are the dark lady I presume...
Your usual collection of gorgeous images:
stippled with Saturday children
clouds of puffed gulls
butterfly boats, rainbow-bellied spinnakers (my favourite)
dimpled afternoons
and don't get me started on the levels of sound here.
Emotion recollected in tranquillity - was that what Wordsworth said?
Time's chill? A sneaky little extra theme in there to go with the lovely tribute to your father.
Always wanted to go to Tassie but never made it. My wife's 5xGreat grandfather, transported for treason and then pardoned by one of the crazy georges made his fortune there and the stone hose he built is still standing in Hobart - gotta go and actually touch the place one day.
Steve
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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You are the dark lady I presume...
Your usual collection of gorgeous images:
stippled with Saturday children
clouds of puffed gulls
butterfly boats, rainbow-bellied spinnakers (my favourite)
dimpled afternoons
and don't get me started on the levels of sound here.
Emotion recollected in tranquillity - was that what Wordsworth said?
Time's chill? A sneaky little extra theme in there to go with the lovely tribute to your father.
Always wanted to go to Tassie but never made it. My wife's 5xGreat grandfather, transported for treason and then pardoned by one of the crazy georges made his fortune there and the stone hose he built is still standing in Hobart - gotta go and actually touch the place one day.
Steve
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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hey thanks so much Steve ... all kinds of layers in this one, which was fun to create ... thanks so much for your super sixer my dear! :)S
Comment from GWinterwin
Very good poem, with a good picture to make it all complete. Good word flow and rhyming, telling of a cold beach, but also the warmth of a strong father's hand, to make you feel warm and happy.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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Very good poem, with a good picture to make it all complete. Good word flow and rhyming, telling of a cold beach, but also the warmth of a strong father's hand, to make you feel warm and happy.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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thx so much GW! :)Sharyn
Comment from donaldww
The beach is so cold that lovers are reduced to a whisper. The inamorata and inamorato lean close to stay warm while watching a reasonably-clad woman peruse the tide-line.
This scene and other beach remind the author of her father, who loved to stand and watch in that same spot. The senses give rise to the poet feeling his hand on her shoulder.
Nicely done, Dad!
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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The beach is so cold that lovers are reduced to a whisper. The inamorata and inamorato lean close to stay warm while watching a reasonably-clad woman peruse the tide-line.
This scene and other beach remind the author of her father, who loved to stand and watch in that same spot. The senses give rise to the poet feeling his hand on her shoulder.
Nicely done, Dad!
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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thx so much DW - nice to see you back!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Selina Stambi
My dear Twinnie,
What an absolutely spectacular piece of reminiscence!
I'm glad I had a six ... particularly for the lollipop, rainbow-belly and coffee cream references. Also the sari (it's been ages since I last wore one of mine!)... and the memory of your beloved dad. (Reminds me of what I really longed for and missed growing up.)
Welcome back, dear. So nice to see your fizz 'n' pop back on FS! Hope things went well with your mum.
A hug to Jeff.
Hugs and kisses,
Sonali
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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My dear Twinnie,
What an absolutely spectacular piece of reminiscence!
I'm glad I had a six ... particularly for the lollipop, rainbow-belly and coffee cream references. Also the sari (it's been ages since I last wore one of mine!)... and the memory of your beloved dad. (Reminds me of what I really longed for and missed growing up.)
Welcome back, dear. So nice to see your fizz 'n' pop back on FS! Hope things went well with your mum.
A hug to Jeff.
Hugs and kisses,
Sonali
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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aaah THERE you are Twinnie ... yep, just got back from Oz a couple of days ago - definitely a bit of a challenge, but the trip and my family ... but more to come ... and thank you so much for saving me one of your super sixes! What about you? did you get home yet to see your mom???
big hugs
:)Sharyn
Comment from lancellot
Beautiful words and you did a great job painting a scene and bringing the reader into a world of love, joy and the simple pleasure of community in the summer time. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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Beautiful words and you did a great job painting a scene and bringing the reader into a world of love, joy and the simple pleasure of community in the summer time. Well done.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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thx so much lancellot!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hello visionary,
What beautifully, vivid setting you design in the mind of the reader. I grew up by the Pacific Ocean, and remember those golden afternoons by the sea. I loved your perception of the inability of the weather to have an impact on the young. So true...loved the visual and emotional tones you portrayed with the sail boats and your father - mine was usually standing behind his fishing pole, lol. I now reside in the forested mountains, but there are times I still miss the sea. Nice job with this sensitive walk down memory lane...thanks for the stroll. Best wishes, Bill
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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Hello visionary,
What beautifully, vivid setting you design in the mind of the reader. I grew up by the Pacific Ocean, and remember those golden afternoons by the sea. I loved your perception of the inability of the weather to have an impact on the young. So true...loved the visual and emotional tones you portrayed with the sail boats and your father - mine was usually standing behind his fishing pole, lol. I now reside in the forested mountains, but there are times I still miss the sea. Nice job with this sensitive walk down memory lane...thanks for the stroll. Best wishes, Bill
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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Thx for taking that stroll with me Bill :)Sharyn
Comment from Eternal Muse
What a beautiful reflective poem. I love the metaphors used and great visuals it evoked. Very touching lines about your father - brought memories of my own father, now in heaven.
This almost brought tears to my eyes:
I still feel his hand at rest upon my shoulder
ablaze with love enough to warm this whole, cold beach--
giving
one little girl
a forever world
of
dimpled
afternoons
"Dimpled afternoons". A strike of genius, these words!
Excellent "L" and "S" alliteration in these lines:
lollipopped houses licking sugared miles
and curves of cream-with-coffee sands ...
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
|
What a beautiful reflective poem. I love the metaphors used and great visuals it evoked. Very touching lines about your father - brought memories of my own father, now in heaven.
This almost brought tears to my eyes:
I still feel his hand at rest upon my shoulder
ablaze with love enough to warm this whole, cold beach--
giving
one little girl
a forever world
of
dimpled
afternoons
"Dimpled afternoons". A strike of genius, these words!
Excellent "L" and "S" alliteration in these lines:
lollipopped houses licking sugared miles
and curves of cream-with-coffee sands ...
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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Bless you my dear - so glad you lingered and enjoyed this one.
:)Sharyn
Comment from catch22
This is so beautiful to read. Very deep and contemplative free verse with great use of poetic sound devices and outstanding and fresh phrasing. Love the phrasing in "lollipopped houses", "sugared miles" and "cream with coffee sands". These descriptions bring to mind a time of innocence and sweetness--no doubt from childhood. Your father seems like he was a very positive and influential person in your life--and his love helped to shape your current worldview. Beautiful tribute to him. I really loved this sincere and reflective write.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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This is so beautiful to read. Very deep and contemplative free verse with great use of poetic sound devices and outstanding and fresh phrasing. Love the phrasing in "lollipopped houses", "sugared miles" and "cream with coffee sands". These descriptions bring to mind a time of innocence and sweetness--no doubt from childhood. Your father seems like he was a very positive and influential person in your life--and his love helped to shape your current worldview. Beautiful tribute to him. I really loved this sincere and reflective write.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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He was, indeed, wonderful Gail - I'm so lucky to have had him in my life. Thank you so much for enjoying this piece - it was special to me. And bless you for giving me one of those lovely sixers! :)Sharyn
Comment from LadyCosgrove
Hey! You're back! Great to see your words ringing out.
What a lovely memory - One to cherish ...and I love that expression...
giving
one little girl
a forever world
of
dimpled
afternoons
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
|
Hey! You're back! Great to see your words ringing out.
What a lovely memory - One to cherish ...and I love that expression...
giving
one little girl
a forever world
of
dimpled
afternoons
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014
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yes I'm back, and so glad you found this one! Thank you for your wonderful six LC! I enjoyed writing this one.
Blessings,
Sharyn
