Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Options, Maybes, New Friends"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
15 total reviews
Comment from ragamuffin
Certainly keeps me wanting to come back for more of the story. Looking forward to seeing how this all plays out. Wondering which side of human nature is going to win out.
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Certainly keeps me wanting to come back for more of the story. Looking forward to seeing how this all plays out. Wondering which side of human nature is going to win out.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2014
Comment from faragon
I really enjoy this story. I so want to move to Yosemite and look for the Dome and the Bunker! I have one small suggestion. I think in this part "arm slip around my waste. Christine seemed to sense when an arm around my waste" you want to use waist instead. I reall like how the community is growing.
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I really enjoy this story. I so want to move to Yosemite and look for the Dome and the Bunker! I have one small suggestion. I think in this part "arm slip around my waste. Christine seemed to sense when an arm around my waste" you want to use waist instead. I reall like how the community is growing.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
This is where the rating system becomes so frustrating. I think you're a great writer, but when I review your poetry and then one of these chapters, it seems there's so much difference in the quality of the work. My humble opinion is that poetry is your best genre. That said, I think this chapter works. You're setting the reader up nicely for whatever's coming. My suggestion would be to get to it pretty soon, though. 42 chapters is a lot, and I think you can put some of them together in re-write.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2014
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This is where the rating system becomes so frustrating. I think you're a great writer, but when I review your poetry and then one of these chapters, it seems there's so much difference in the quality of the work. My humble opinion is that poetry is your best genre. That said, I think this chapter works. You're setting the reader up nicely for whatever's coming. My suggestion would be to get to it pretty soon, though. 42 chapters is a lot, and I think you can put some of them together in re-write.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2014
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I think I add things perhaps to accomodate the posting style of Fanstory a bit. Perhaps adding an extra little tag or scenario to make each post a little more complete where I wouldn't do that in the real world. True, decades as a poet, months as a novelist. This is fun though, especially with all the help. A little scary too!! mikey
Comment from CR Delport
Sounds like things are getting very hairy for Johnny and the rest. At least they're starting to get a picture of whats going on.
"There bombing the shore, clearing a path. They have some firepower. That's some long-range stuff right there. Carlos, Turner, Tom and three other men I didn't recognize came rushing up." --- They're bombing, and is it suppose to be in quotes?
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Sounds like things are getting very hairy for Johnny and the rest. At least they're starting to get a picture of whats going on.
"There bombing the shore, clearing a path. They have some firepower. That's some long-range stuff right there. Carlos, Turner, Tom and three other men I didn't recognize came rushing up." --- They're bombing, and is it suppose to be in quotes?
Comment Written 09-Apr-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, this is certainly a chess game like I said before, play possum or engage. Solid dialog with drama building. One small thing, change "then" to "than" in this line: "chance of making the journey then what we are". Good job! :0 GracieAnn
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Mikey, this is certainly a chess game like I said before, play possum or engage. Solid dialog with drama building. One small thing, change "then" to "than" in this line: "chance of making the journey then what we are". Good job! :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 08-Apr-2014
Comment from Sankey
Good work again old mate. Really enjoyable reading and keeping us all in there.
A spag or two ok!
We are hearing from the Midwest w(h)ere people were able to survive
chance of making the journey the(a)n what we are looking at.
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Good work again old mate. Really enjoyable reading and keeping us all in there.
A spag or two ok!
We are hearing from the Midwest w(h)ere people were able to survive
chance of making the journey the(a)n what we are looking at.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
You got me curious, in the last sentences. What the hell? Where is that coming from. You got me--i didn't see this coming, you are a sidewinder. Right, i'm a real leader and hero. A cub Scout Scoutmaster. About the only thing I am good for is telling stories of Yogi Bear around the campfire and eating Girl Scout brownies. I'm a real hero ... you surprised me, only thing I ever saved was a Duncan doughnut. LOL, you got me laughing, nearly pissed in me knickers. You earned you stars, heck, I'm a hero. They better not listen to Rickey, they will be in deep shit.
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You got me curious, in the last sentences. What the hell? Where is that coming from. You got me--i didn't see this coming, you are a sidewinder. Right, i'm a real leader and hero. A cub Scout Scoutmaster. About the only thing I am good for is telling stories of Yogi Bear around the campfire and eating Girl Scout brownies. I'm a real hero ... you surprised me, only thing I ever saved was a Duncan doughnut. LOL, you got me laughing, nearly pissed in me knickers. You earned you stars, heck, I'm a hero. They better not listen to Rickey, they will be in deep shit.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
In the intro: had a maybe attatched to it. [attached -- just a typo, I'm sure, and it's only in the intro for cryin' out loud!]
Good chapter for the development of character. Your dialogue promotes the devolopment. That's good.
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In the intro: had a maybe attatched to it. [attached -- just a typo, I'm sure, and it's only in the intro for cryin' out loud!]
Good chapter for the development of character. Your dialogue promotes the devolopment. That's good.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2014
Comment from l.raven
well there almost there...the bad guys...so what to do...maybe the ones coming won't be so bad...OK...just hoping...next chapter should tell the rest...keep it coming Michael...your on a roll you...so very well thought of and very well written...Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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well there almost there...the bad guys...so what to do...maybe the ones coming won't be so bad...OK...just hoping...next chapter should tell the rest...keep it coming Michael...your on a roll you...so very well thought of and very well written...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 08-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Maybe I'll have them all have guns that shoot banners that say "BANG" Hahaha. I love my characters and happy endings. I don't think I can kill any of them. Oh well, who needs the real world anyway? mikey
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as long as Linda comes out alive...LOL...ya nut...
Comment from Sasha
No one in their right mind would call this 'plodding'. Great stuff and I am impressed that you think of things that I would never consider. Great work with this one. I look forward to Johnny's prayer and whatever comes next.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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No one in their right mind would call this 'plodding'. Great stuff and I am impressed that you think of things that I would never consider. Great work with this one. I look forward to Johnny's prayer and whatever comes next.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Delighted you think it's still moving along well. I think there are things that need to be made known before everything breaks loose. I'm trying to keep it making some sense and within the realms of possibility! mikey
