Yes!
Acrostic - a little truth cloaked in anapaestic mumbo-jumbo22 total reviews
Comment from Hollyhock
Great start to my Monday morning. Very amusing, great flow and energy, tongue-in-cheek at times but some sensational lines.
"Evancescent the butterfly's gossamer gown,
Perfumed is the path that she chooses" - a whisper of finest silk in the assonance of the first line and such a delicate touch of summer in the second, truth but stated in true poetry; the art of making the reader see the commonplace in a new light.
There is an irreverence here which delights and does not offend, we are too chained by worldly affairs, how much better to advance "creation's great pleasure" by adding our lives and voices to "Every skylark that soars with sweet angel's voice".
Quirky ending leaves us with a wlcome smile on our lips.
I enjoyed this so much. Good luck!!
Sorry should have mentioned the extra "layer" given by the original question - VERY neat!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Great start to my Monday morning. Very amusing, great flow and energy, tongue-in-cheek at times but some sensational lines.
"Evancescent the butterfly's gossamer gown,
Perfumed is the path that she chooses" - a whisper of finest silk in the assonance of the first line and such a delicate touch of summer in the second, truth but stated in true poetry; the art of making the reader see the commonplace in a new light.
There is an irreverence here which delights and does not offend, we are too chained by worldly affairs, how much better to advance "creation's great pleasure" by adding our lives and voices to "Every skylark that soars with sweet angel's voice".
Quirky ending leaves us with a wlcome smile on our lips.
I enjoyed this so much. Good luck!!
Sorry should have mentioned the extra "layer" given by the original question - VERY neat!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Andrea, thanks so much for the thoughtful review and the six stars - this has had a bit of a mixed reception, so it's good to get some positives from people whose views I respect.
Steve
Comment from Selina Stambi
Phew, I was relieved when I came to the two final lines - I thought I had lost my mind and couldn't understand poetry!
Carmaba, indeed ... all hail the fat lady - ole and adios, amigo!
Have a great week, PP! :)
Sonali :)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Phew, I was relieved when I came to the two final lines - I thought I had lost my mind and couldn't understand poetry!
Carmaba, indeed ... all hail the fat lady - ole and adios, amigo!
Have a great week, PP! :)
Sonali :)
Comment Written 06-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Sonali.
I seem to have come across more than my share of 'poetry' I can't understand lately and I know I caught a few people out with this - makes me look back and wonder, 'What was I trying to say?'
Steve
Comment from Just2Write
I've never really understood why anyone asks that question - of course the answer is, Yes, and when he farts, and even when there is no one to hear it, it does makes a sound. Whew. Glad we got those ones cleared up.
I really enjoyed this write that highlights the dumb things we say, and makes us question why we do. I liked the Acrostic phrase. The answer to that is Yes as well - Well, sort of, but then again, whose asking?
Nice rhymes with chooses / amuses | Pleasure / treasure
and great assonance with treasure / etcetera.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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I've never really understood why anyone asks that question - of course the answer is, Yes, and when he farts, and even when there is no one to hear it, it does makes a sound. Whew. Glad we got those ones cleared up.
I really enjoyed this write that highlights the dumb things we say, and makes us question why we do. I liked the Acrostic phrase. The answer to that is Yes as well - Well, sort of, but then again, whose asking?
Nice rhymes with chooses / amuses | Pleasure / treasure
and great assonance with treasure / etcetera.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the review and kind words.
Steve
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Steve,
A most clever write, and a great entry for the acrostic poem contest!
Thought provoking with much truth written. It captured my attention immediately (with your opening two lines), and held it right through to your very humorous closing line of "Cor Blimey! Caramba! Let the fat lady sing!" ... LOL
Fave line ... "on the actions of man, all the animals sneeze" ... I'll bet they do! :)
Great write! Best wishes for the contest!
Connie
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Steve,
A most clever write, and a great entry for the acrostic poem contest!
Thought provoking with much truth written. It captured my attention immediately (with your opening two lines), and held it right through to your very humorous closing line of "Cor Blimey! Caramba! Let the fat lady sing!" ... LOL
Fave line ... "on the actions of man, all the animals sneeze" ... I'll bet they do! :)
Great write! Best wishes for the contest!
Connie
Comment Written 06-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Connie - I appreciate the warm review and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Love the sheer silliness of this, and admire the logic. Yes, there is some in there! Absolutely original - love the acrostic and the humour.
Some brilliant rhymes too.
Great job, Steve. The judges, I'm sure, will take a good look at this one!
Av
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Love the sheer silliness of this, and admire the logic. Yes, there is some in there! Absolutely original - love the acrostic and the humour.
Some brilliant rhymes too.
Great job, Steve. The judges, I'm sure, will take a good look at this one!
Av
Comment Written 06-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Av.
I have to say I'm still not sure of this one myself - one of those pieces that kept changing direction as I was writing it.
Steve
Comment from nancyjam
A very clever and humorous acrostic with
a terrific message.
Animals do a much better job of honoring
their Creator than man does. They all do what
they are meant to do and in a most beautiful way.
Love the rhyme in this. Best of luck in the contest. Nancy
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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A very clever and humorous acrostic with
a terrific message.
Animals do a much better job of honoring
their Creator than man does. They all do what
they are meant to do and in a most beautiful way.
Love the rhyme in this. Best of luck in the contest. Nancy
Comment Written 05-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Nancy!
Steve
Comment from Gladness
You make me laugh!! From the bear to the pope, we now know the truth, the answer is yes! Ha ha! What a fun rollicking poem. Thanks for sharing :D
Anita
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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You make me laugh!! From the bear to the pope, we now know the truth, the answer is yes! Ha ha! What a fun rollicking poem. Thanks for sharing :D
Anita
Comment Written 05-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Thanks, Anita - glad you got a laugh out of this.
Steve
Comment from juliaSjames
Steve
Could it be that you're poking fun at the acrostic style?
Naw, of course not!
In any event, I enjoyed your ode to freedom.
No one can write this tongue-in-cheek commentary betterer than you.
btw, etctera/betterer is my favorite of your end rhymes.
Best to you in the contest. And thanks for the laugh!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Steve
Could it be that you're poking fun at the acrostic style?
Naw, of course not!
In any event, I enjoyed your ode to freedom.
No one can write this tongue-in-cheek commentary betterer than you.
btw, etctera/betterer is my favorite of your end rhymes.
Best to you in the contest. And thanks for the laugh!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Poke fun? Moi?
Steve
Comment from strandregs
You are absolutley mad at this point in time.
Which is ok. As that's the way of things.
Did konfus yous ask does the beer
Shift in the woods?
No he knew it hops in the barrels.
Good luck.Z.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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You are absolutley mad at this point in time.
Which is ok. As that's the way of things.
Did konfus yous ask does the beer
Shift in the woods?
No he knew it hops in the barrels.
Good luck.Z.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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One of us is absolutely mad, that's for sure.
Steve
Comment from evilynne
This was interesting but I am sorry that I don't quite get it. Some of the imagery is good and quite interesting, and I did enjoy reading it. And the bear reference is humorous.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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This was interesting but I am sorry that I don't quite get it. Some of the imagery is good and quite interesting, and I did enjoy reading it. And the bear reference is humorous.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the review and the honesty - not sure if I get it myself, but let's see if I can bamboozle the judges.
Steve
