Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Others, Endowments & Repetition."Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
17 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Going great trying to get caught up so not doing reviews on every chapter ok! Getting the gist of it all gradually. Thanks for a good read as I can. Cheers,
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Going great trying to get caught up so not doing reviews on every chapter ok! Getting the gist of it all gradually. Thanks for a good read as I can. Cheers,
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
Comment from ravenblack
Sprinkles, the well-endowed toy poodle. And zombies? Well, at least the mention of zombies. Just don't cut down on the anti-psychotic meds too much or zombies (imagined, right?) Will be the least of their worries.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Sprinkles, the well-endowed toy poodle. And zombies? Well, at least the mention of zombies. Just don't cut down on the anti-psychotic meds too much or zombies (imagined, right?) Will be the least of their worries.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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The meds or lack of them is going to be a problem. No getting around it. There is a finite supply that is running out. mikey
Comment from Marillion
Another great chapter, Mikey, and what I took away from this one is that you're slowly introducing the "conflict" in the story, so I agree with your current page. With this character, and her story, we see the distrust, skepticism, and territorial nature of people. Carry on, my brother.
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Another great chapter, Mikey, and what I took away from this one is that you're slowly introducing the "conflict" in the story, so I agree with your current page. With this character, and her story, we see the distrust, skepticism, and territorial nature of people. Carry on, my brother.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
Comment from robina1978
Did Joe die in the crash? Some are more eager to survive than others. Normal I would say. Jennifer is pregnant again, most likely by Carlos.
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Did Joe die in the crash? Some are more eager to survive than others. Normal I would say. Jennifer is pregnant again, most likely by Carlos.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
Comment from 24chas
This was terrific, mikey. I'm getting almost a Lord of the Flies vibe. Not from the story aspect, but the way humans change in this type of circumstance. Great job.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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This was terrific, mikey. I'm getting almost a Lord of the Flies vibe. Not from the story aspect, but the way humans change in this type of circumstance. Great job.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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As I am rewriting some of it, a lot of the changes are spontaneous and a surprise to me as well. Seems real when I am writing it.
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Mikey.
You've really upped the tension in this chapter, showing the reality of the situation they are in. You used more dialogue and shared conversations and feelings of others in the story. Great imagery of the changes that are happening, a growing group and fear beginning to escalate. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Hi, Mikey.
You've really upped the tension in this chapter, showing the reality of the situation they are in. You used more dialogue and shared conversations and feelings of others in the story. Great imagery of the changes that are happening, a growing group and fear beginning to escalate. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Glad you are enjoying it. I am listening to some great advice and keeping it in mind. I wrote this a couple years back before this site. It appears I have improved being here!! I have to rewrite it as I go. Thanks for the input. Very helpful, mikey
Comment from l.raven
OK Michael, jumping on the bed...I know Linda was strong like bull...LOL...what a group this is.../.sounds like some families I know...LOL...just be careful...all those dead bodies...one might stand up...LOL...ok!!!next!!!wonderful job you!!!luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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OK Michael, jumping on the bed...I know Linda was strong like bull...LOL...what a group this is.../.sounds like some families I know...LOL...just be careful...all those dead bodies...one might stand up...LOL...ok!!!next!!!wonderful job you!!!luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Already posted. Trying to rewrite as I go. I guess I have improved since I got here. Hahaha. I thought this was a finished story. But, it was written a couple years ago and It seems I didn't write as well then!! mikey
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Hailll.....you've been writing great your whole life...now your just putting it out for all to know Michael...your talent to write Michael is amazing...have you ever read any of it???LOL...stories and poems....your like reconciled( Michael)it's in your blood....so carry on my man...your doing a great job...luff
Comment from Michaelk
Another great chapter. You've begun to raise tension. Alluding to horrors that roam the woods, awakening psychotic problems, and the possibility that the stranger in your midst may not be what she seems. All of this while further describing the realities of this new world. The only thing I had a problem with on this chapter was the roulette wheel narrator. It became confusing who was telling the story at times. I like the addition of the dog, and think it could be a game changer at some point. You have already called it a watchdog. I also am concerned that Johnny is overly enamored with the newcomer. That can only lead to conflict. Good job. Your story has taken root and is branching out.
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Another great chapter. You've begun to raise tension. Alluding to horrors that roam the woods, awakening psychotic problems, and the possibility that the stranger in your midst may not be what she seems. All of this while further describing the realities of this new world. The only thing I had a problem with on this chapter was the roulette wheel narrator. It became confusing who was telling the story at times. I like the addition of the dog, and think it could be a game changer at some point. You have already called it a watchdog. I also am concerned that Johnny is overly enamored with the newcomer. That can only lead to conflict. Good job. Your story has taken root and is branching out.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Lots of suspense in this one, Mikey, as all the patients are running out of their meds. They sound as I f they are not just your, slightly depressed' patients, either. I see trouble brewing ahead. You are writing this so normally, it sounds as if it is real, that is excellent writing. I was wondering how Jennifer became pregnant again so quickly, the time span need clarifying, other than that, this book is coming on a treat! xsx Sandra
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Lots of suspense in this one, Mikey, as all the patients are running out of their meds. They sound as I f they are not just your, slightly depressed' patients, either. I see trouble brewing ahead. You are writing this so normally, it sounds as if it is real, that is excellent writing. I was wondering how Jennifer became pregnant again so quickly, the time span need clarifying, other than that, this book is coming on a treat! xsx Sandra
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Shucks, Mikey, this looks like a pro did this. This is some of your best stuff. Guess, i missed out, that Joe fellow that died. I'm liking this very much. I can of feel like a Zombie might appear from nowhere but you don't have to tell me. This reminds me of the Walking Dead. Who is that dude that keeps knocking up that chick. It is SPAGLESSS, you come a long ways. I did notice the errors I had on my last chapter, I corrected some of it. I'm seeing daylight ... this is the work of a pro and a serious novel. Next time, I will get more serious. Sorry, about the delay, my power has been out for a day.
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Shucks, Mikey, this looks like a pro did this. This is some of your best stuff. Guess, i missed out, that Joe fellow that died. I'm liking this very much. I can of feel like a Zombie might appear from nowhere but you don't have to tell me. This reminds me of the Walking Dead. Who is that dude that keeps knocking up that chick. It is SPAGLESSS, you come a long ways. I did notice the errors I had on my last chapter, I corrected some of it. I'm seeing daylight ... this is the work of a pro and a serious novel. Next time, I will get more serious. Sorry, about the delay, my power has been out for a day.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
