doubt-gulls
Free verse83 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very well thought out presentation in this very dark free verse(I enjoy dark poems). Excellent use of imagery. Good luck in the contest~Debbie
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
A very well thought out presentation in this very dark free verse(I enjoy dark poems). Excellent use of imagery. Good luck in the contest~Debbie
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Debbie - not for the squeamish, this one.
Steve
Comment from Kingsrookviii
This is cool how it hit me. At first I could almost hear waves crashing and gulls, then I got to the last part and it created conflict with my expectations. I like that. Great job and very cleverly done. I think you chose the absolute perfect picture for this poem. Thanks.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
This is cool how it hit me. At first I could almost hear waves crashing and gulls, then I got to the last part and it created conflict with my expectations. I like that. Great job and very cleverly done. I think you chose the absolute perfect picture for this poem. Thanks.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from daeneam
I haven't seen sea gulls yet but I hear them in songs, read in poems and see over the internet.
I was trying to connect the birds with your poem plus doubt. Then it made sense.
"Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt."
-- William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
I haven't seen sea gulls yet but I hear them in songs, read in poems and see over the internet.
I was trying to connect the birds with your poem plus doubt. Then it made sense.
"Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt."
-- William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thank you - I am trying to picture a place that doesn't have gulls...
Yes, the gulls are like Shakespeare's traitors, in this case eating us alive.
Steve
Comment from victor 66
Hope you are deceased when this interaction is occurring. Your poem flowed very well. The images are orchestrated and you can see the drama unfold before your eyes. Very nicely done. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
Hope you are deceased when this interaction is occurring. Your poem flowed very well. The images are orchestrated and you can see the drama unfold before your eyes. Very nicely done. Best wishes.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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I think metaphorically speaking, I am alive. The gulls represent the doubts that can eat me alive....
Thanks for reviewing.
Steve
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I tend towards the literal. But doubts can be most destructive. I think a good poem can take a reader in many directions, even we of the less sophisticated. 'Metaphorical' is great word. It's been a pleasure.
Comment from Selina Stambi
beaks
bayonet
unblinking eyes gouge flesh from bone .. stark, vivid .. powerful imagery.
With sweeping word-strokes you painted this picture on the canvas of my mind, Steve ...
The final lines ... ee-oo! I hope this is a fish's voice ...
Sonali
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
beaks
bayonet
unblinking eyes gouge flesh from bone .. stark, vivid .. powerful imagery.
With sweeping word-strokes you painted this picture on the canvas of my mind, Steve ...
The final lines ... ee-oo! I hope this is a fish's voice ...
Sonali
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Sonali
I think I shocked a few readers with that last line, which was my intention. Is it a fish? Yes and no. The gulls are doubts that can eat a man alive....
Steve
Comment from boxergirl
Great imagery with the use of sea-gulls. I was totally caught up in it from the start and then "bam" you hit me hard with your ending. Loved it.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
Great imagery with the use of sea-gulls. I was totally caught up in it from the start and then "bam" you hit me hard with your ending. Loved it.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thank you - I always like to end with a bam. Perhaps I'll have my coffin fired out of a cannon....
Steve
Comment from ragamuffin
A very interesting way to describe doubt. Conveys a strong emotion of finality from mistakes made, opportunities missed. Quite the twist at the end. Nice flow. Overall, well done!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
A very interesting way to describe doubt. Conveys a strong emotion of finality from mistakes made, opportunities missed. Quite the twist at the end. Nice flow. Overall, well done!
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thank you for the thoughtful review.
Steve
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Wow. That last line went through me like an electric shock. Well done! I love when a piece of writing hits me like that. Honestly, not unkindly I thought, a poem about seagulls. Nothing particularly new. I love hearing them and watching them, and I was enjoying the image you were feeding me.
And all along they were feeding on you! LOL!
Bravo. You got me.
Av
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
Wow. That last line went through me like an electric shock. Well done! I love when a piece of writing hits me like that. Honestly, not unkindly I thought, a poem about seagulls. Nothing particularly new. I love hearing them and watching them, and I was enjoying the image you were feeding me.
And all along they were feeding on you! LOL!
Bravo. You got me.
Av
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Av.
Yes, the intention was to shock and make the reader re-consider the whole poem, so I guess it worked.
Steve
Comment from Debbie7
Steve,
I was suspicious about the title, but you still blew me away with the last verse! Very well written. When doubt drops in - why do we let it tear us apart? I try not to play around with that emotion (by myself) for very long if you know what I mean. Wonderful alliteration through out. I loved ghost grey wings. I've been trying to get a picture of a hawk that's been flying around and every time he lands I go for my camera and he's gone. So I call him ghost hawk. Just saying. LOL. Thanks for sharing. Best wishes. Namaste , Debbie
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
Steve,
I was suspicious about the title, but you still blew me away with the last verse! Very well written. When doubt drops in - why do we let it tear us apart? I try not to play around with that emotion (by myself) for very long if you know what I mean. Wonderful alliteration through out. I loved ghost grey wings. I've been trying to get a picture of a hawk that's been flying around and every time he lands I go for my camera and he's gone. So I call him ghost hawk. Just saying. LOL. Thanks for sharing. Best wishes. Namaste , Debbie
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Debbie - not everyone got the metaphor (despite the title)
Good luck capturing that ghost-hawk.
Steve
Comment from jluzzle
Great piece of poetry, kept me hooked until the very last word, where you throw the reader a nice curve ball (I truly didn't see that coming). Nice work, thanks for sharing.
nice write...
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
Great piece of poetry, kept me hooked until the very last word, where you throw the reader a nice curve ball (I truly didn't see that coming). Nice work, thanks for sharing.
nice write...
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2014
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Thank you - perhaps I should take up baseball - just got to work on that fast ball. :o)
Steve