Left behind
5-7-5 Contest38 total reviews
Comment from missjosi
Such a bittersweet poem Kiwisteve... and so true of what we go through when we lose a loved one. Eventually everyone goes home and at sometime we are left alone to grieve and get on with it! Kia Kaha my friend Kind Regards Josi
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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Such a bittersweet poem Kiwisteve... and so true of what we go through when we lose a loved one. Eventually everyone goes home and at sometime we are left alone to grieve and get on with it! Kia Kaha my friend Kind Regards Josi
Comment Written 31-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Josi. This piece has been well-received largely because many people recognise the truth it depicts.
Steve
Comment from poetbear
I will answer this the way we did in December when my hubby's Mom died.
One step at a time.
Cherish every memory and moment.
Cry privatey and clebrate the person in public.
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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I will answer this the way we did in December when my hubby's Mom died.
One step at a time.
Cherish every memory and moment.
Cry privatey and clebrate the person in public.
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thank you. This poem has touched many people who recognise the great gulf that opens up when a loved one dies and you are 'left behind'.
Steve
Comment from Eternal Muse
Steve, this is a powerful and such a sad piece. "What do I do now?" gave me shivers. Here is a lonely old woman who lost her loved one and it looks like she wants to follow him.
So much said in this small format, amazing!
I am very impressed.
Congratulations on placing in the contest, though in my book this is the winner.
reply by the author on 28-May-2014
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Steve, this is a powerful and such a sad piece. "What do I do now?" gave me shivers. Here is a lonely old woman who lost her loved one and it looks like she wants to follow him.
So much said in this small format, amazing!
I am very impressed.
Congratulations on placing in the contest, though in my book this is the winner.
Comment Written 28-May-2014
reply by the author on 28-May-2014
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Thanks, Yelena.
I posted this some time ago and other reviewers at the time made similar comments. Those of us growing older recognise this situation I believe.
I did have hopes for this in the competition, but I haven't read the other entries yet, so I will be content with my minor placing.
Steve
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This was a humanitarian winner for me.
Considering joining my Italian Sonnet contest. I might have made the rules too complex and the original examples were too stuffy and outdated, so I have few takers thus far. But I created a new thread with examples by adewpearl and S.Yocom, and tried to make the rules seem easier. It is a very interesting form, I love it. You are a guru with sonnets.
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I meant - "consider" joining my Italian sonnet contest.
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Yes, I will probably have a go. Your deadline is still a month away - I think most people (including me) don't look that far ahead, so this will fill up.
Good to see a different sort of sonnet. I don't think I am a guru of any poetic form, but I do love a good challenge.
When I was teaching in Singapore I discovered that the Malay and Indonesian word for teacher was 'guru' so I was a real guru then....
Steve
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You are one of the best sonneteers on the site. And what's good is that the contest committee recognizes it too! (lol)
Comment from HL Pepper
Excellent job here!
The image complements your words.
What a sad conundrum and one that most everyone will be forced to deal with at some point.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Excellent job here!
The image complements your words.
What a sad conundrum and one that most everyone will be forced to deal with at some point.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thanks again, Pepper.
Yes, this poem got a great response because I think most people recognised the 'truth' of the situation I described.
Steve
Comment from Gladness
That sums it up well. You found a good picture to go with it. Life goes on, but for those left behind it feels so empty and meaningless, especially when the loss is fresh. But you have said it much better than I.
Anita
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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That sums it up well. You found a good picture to go with it. Life goes on, but for those left behind it feels so empty and meaningless, especially when the loss is fresh. But you have said it much better than I.
Anita
Comment Written 14-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thanks, Anita.
Steve
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Amaaazing how so much can be said with so few words. "What do I do now?" ... that pretty much says it all, doesn't it! Perfect title and picture to go along with your entry, Steve.
Best wishes for the contest!
Connie
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Amaaazing how so much can be said with so few words. "What do I do now?" ... that pretty much says it all, doesn't it! Perfect title and picture to go along with your entry, Steve.
Best wishes for the contest!
Connie
Comment Written 14-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thanks, Connie
Steve
Comment from Visheshta Dahiya
a nice poem which beautifully depicts the state of mind and heart of the family members after the lose someone.
awesome work..!!
best wishes :)
Visheshta
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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a nice poem which beautifully depicts the state of mind and heart of the family members after the lose someone.
awesome work..!!
best wishes :)
Visheshta
Comment Written 14-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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thanks,Visheshta.
Steve
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welcome :)
Comment from closetpoetjester
Wow what an interesting emotion you've touched on here Steve. I must admit when the crowd dissipated at my Dad's wake...my poor stoic Mum actually looked a bit bewildered and I actually got that same kind of feeling for her, that you've so eloquently described here. I think the flurry of mourners, the service, the wake etc is so overwhelming the one left behind just tends to take it in their stride...but then they go from being completely surrounded in one breath, to completely alone. I didn't want to leave my Mum's side for days, but she is a trooper and insisted that we keep on keeping on. She's NEVER cried in front of me, but I just know she's had many a private cry and she misses him terribly. Such a beautiful poem my friend reminding us to hang on tight to every day and treat it like it was our last for we never know when we might go or perhaps be the only one left behind. This had a residual effect so profound for such few words.
Clever, clever poet, wish I had a sixer but someones used up me stash...Oh yeah, me. LOL
Cheers and well done
P
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Wow what an interesting emotion you've touched on here Steve. I must admit when the crowd dissipated at my Dad's wake...my poor stoic Mum actually looked a bit bewildered and I actually got that same kind of feeling for her, that you've so eloquently described here. I think the flurry of mourners, the service, the wake etc is so overwhelming the one left behind just tends to take it in their stride...but then they go from being completely surrounded in one breath, to completely alone. I didn't want to leave my Mum's side for days, but she is a trooper and insisted that we keep on keeping on. She's NEVER cried in front of me, but I just know she's had many a private cry and she misses him terribly. Such a beautiful poem my friend reminding us to hang on tight to every day and treat it like it was our last for we never know when we might go or perhaps be the only one left behind. This had a residual effect so profound for such few words.
Clever, clever poet, wish I had a sixer but someones used up me stash...Oh yeah, me. LOL
Cheers and well done
P
Comment Written 14-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Tnak you.
Yes, that's exactly what I wanted to convey - based loosely on my mother-in-law's experience - made worse for her in that they had recently re-located after many years in Australia so her network of friends was almost non-existent here.
Steve
Comment from adewpearl
poignant pairing of photo and poem, which is in excellent 5/7/5 format
this poem will resonate with many readers who've asked themselves that question - once the friends and families disperse from the funeral and luncheon, the reality sets in that the person is left alone with the rest of his/her life looming ahead.
Brooke
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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poignant pairing of photo and poem, which is in excellent 5/7/5 format
this poem will resonate with many readers who've asked themselves that question - once the friends and families disperse from the funeral and luncheon, the reality sets in that the person is left alone with the rest of his/her life looming ahead.
Brooke
Comment Written 14-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2014
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Thanks, brooke
I imagine for many, being left behind is worse than dying...
Steve
Comment from the blue pixel
Hi Steve. I think what I loved most about your poem was that your title was so integral to the thoughts that followed that the poem was completed by it. You have understood the feeling that those very close to the one who has just been buried, experience. Usually, for a while, loved ones hover and bring food and show great concern and then suddenly it seems, all that support just goes away as life goes on and you are left alone to really feel the aloneness of your loss. The distractions of funeral and friends has to end and perhaps only then does the grieving have a real chance to begin. Denial is a comforting place to be but we can't stay there forever Your poignant picture reminded me of my mother though she has never let me see her 'heart-breakingly' sad about my father to whom she was married for over 70 years. My situation made your poem very close to home for me and I appreciated it for that and for your never ending skill upon which I can always rely. I hope you are well and enjoying life back in N.Z. Much love, Carol
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2014
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Hi Steve. I think what I loved most about your poem was that your title was so integral to the thoughts that followed that the poem was completed by it. You have understood the feeling that those very close to the one who has just been buried, experience. Usually, for a while, loved ones hover and bring food and show great concern and then suddenly it seems, all that support just goes away as life goes on and you are left alone to really feel the aloneness of your loss. The distractions of funeral and friends has to end and perhaps only then does the grieving have a real chance to begin. Denial is a comforting place to be but we can't stay there forever Your poignant picture reminded me of my mother though she has never let me see her 'heart-breakingly' sad about my father to whom she was married for over 70 years. My situation made your poem very close to home for me and I appreciated it for that and for your never ending skill upon which I can always rely. I hope you are well and enjoying life back in N.Z. Much love, Carol
Comment Written 14-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2014
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What a lovely surprise! Welcome back to the fold - I hope you are staying. Just reviewed you 'liberated' piece.
Glad you enjoyed this - the short forms aren't really my strength, but this one just came to me....
You are right about the title - that's why I didn't even try to call this a haiku or a senryu but went with the more relaxed rules of 5-7-5
Not my own experience fortunately - a bit of my mother-in-law's story - just past the first anniversary of her husband's death - she has actually coped remarkably well but you can feel the great loneliness at times.
Yes, life here is good, although we survive on the smell of an oily rag. I am taking my poetry to some sort of new level this year - no shortage of ideas - some of them fairly crazy.
Both our boys live in Melbourne these days, although we did have a visit in Sept/Oct from #1 son with his wife and our ultra-gorgeous grand-daughter and #2 is arriving next week for a few days and bringing his newish girlfriend with him.
Really good to hear from you. Hope all is well.
Steve
