Rodeo Bull Rider
Viewing comments for Prologue "Rodeo Bull Rider The Beginning"A Life"s Dream Almost Ruined
16 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
This is a good interim chapter, my friend - well written. I have just one small edit for you - this sentence needs no commas at all: "Jake wanted to prove to his dad he wasn't the dreamer he said he was."
Nicely done. :)
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014
This is a good interim chapter, my friend - well written. I have just one small edit for you - this sentence needs no commas at all: "Jake wanted to prove to his dad he wasn't the dreamer he said he was."
Nicely done. :)
Comment Written 05-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014
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done thanks for the heads up
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My pleasure!
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AWE
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:)
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:)
Comment from Curly Girly
This sounds like a good start to an intriguing story. I'll be looking forward to reading more. It's a tough life in the whisky and rodeo world. I'm not sure which one is more dangerous to ones health in the long run.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014
This sounds like a good start to an intriguing story. I'll be looking forward to reading more. It's a tough life in the whisky and rodeo world. I'm not sure which one is more dangerous to ones health in the long run.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2014
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hope you read the rest of the story
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent introduction to your book, country ranch rider, about the boy who followed his dreams to become a bull rider. i used to ride a beautiful white horse named Duke so this brought back memories to me.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
this is an excellent introduction to your book, country ranch rider, about the boy who followed his dreams to become a bull rider. i used to ride a beautiful white horse named Duke so this brought back memories to me.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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I hope you continue reading the book I think you will like it
Comment from Pilot2Pen
You have established and interesting plot for the book.
I think it is very important for the opening of a book to set the hook for the reader to want to continue reading. One aspect of that challenge is to make sure the writing is technically clean. In this short opening, there are several corrections that need to be made, some of which have already been pointed out but remain uncorrected.
"...he and Duke was riding in the rodeos." Should read, he and Duke were riding
P.B.R. You assume everyone reading your book will know what this means. Please spell it out the first time used.
"...he could be a better rider than his dad was and his grandpa." This is awkwardly written. It should read, ...he could be a better rider than his dad or his grandpa.
"He felt she was the only one besides Duke, who understood him." You need a comma after "one," so it reads, "He felt she was the only one, besides Duke, who understood him."
I hope this helps. With just a bit of tweaking, your writing could be superb.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2014
You have established and interesting plot for the book.
I think it is very important for the opening of a book to set the hook for the reader to want to continue reading. One aspect of that challenge is to make sure the writing is technically clean. In this short opening, there are several corrections that need to be made, some of which have already been pointed out but remain uncorrected.
"...he and Duke was riding in the rodeos." Should read, he and Duke were riding
P.B.R. You assume everyone reading your book will know what this means. Please spell it out the first time used.
"...he could be a better rider than his dad was and his grandpa." This is awkwardly written. It should read, ...he could be a better rider than his dad or his grandpa.
"He felt she was the only one besides Duke, who understood him." You need a comma after "one," so it reads, "He felt she was the only one, besides Duke, who understood him."
I hope this helps. With just a bit of tweaking, your writing could be superb.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2014
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Okay, my friend I changed it hope you approve. I am trying to get this ready to get off to a publisher soon
Comment from Nosha17
Good prologue to your book, if a little short. I think if you make it a bit longer it whets the appetite more. If found a few errors. Second line it should be 'were' riding. Line 7 you should omit the word 'out'. Will read on another day. Faye
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2014
Good prologue to your book, if a little short. I think if you make it a bit longer it whets the appetite more. If found a few errors. Second line it should be 'were' riding. Line 7 you should omit the word 'out'. Will read on another day. Faye
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2014
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thank you for your kindness if I take the "out", out ,I have to change the wording in the sentence.
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No, it will read fine, I promise -
'left, without saying much of a Goodbye', Faye
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Okay. I hope the rest of my chapters are ok I would like to get it published this year
Comment from Lulube
and so the book begins, Barb. Good for you. This beginning must have had a lot of time spent on it cause I am not giving you any corrections. Yeah!!!!!
good job\
lulube
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
and so the book begins, Barb. Good for you. This beginning must have had a lot of time spent on it cause I am not giving you any corrections. Yeah!!!!!
good job\
lulube
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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WAITING FOR YOU TO POP UP AND SCOLD LOL
welcome I think.
my bad? scold me for why? lol
now you got me going
lulube
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I was talking about you scolding me as in I needed to make some corrections. lol
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see, I felt so bad asking for those 6 words back,. lol Like there's not another 6 words to be had? lol
lulube
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lol
Comment from sunnilicious
Short story and to the point. Good work.
I made some edit notes on things that stuck out at me immediately: Growing up (,)
Revise second sentence first verse - 'When Jake wasn't working on the ranch, he'd riding in the rodeos with his buddy, Duke.
Have a nice weekend
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
Short story and to the point. Good work.
I made some edit notes on things that stuck out at me immediately: Growing up (,)
Revise second sentence first verse - 'When Jake wasn't working on the ranch, he'd riding in the rodeos with his buddy, Duke.
Have a nice weekend
Comment Written 17-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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thank you for the kinds heads up
Comment from mrmorris69
When people post I make the assumption that they are looking for feedback so I try to find something that I believe needs to be improved and some I like. My feedback is only meant to help.
Things I thought need improvement: First some little thing I noticed. I don't understand you note "rider loses leg" I am also not sure I would us the last name Ryder when my main character is a bull rider at some point I think this may become confusing.
I think this line is a bit redundant He wanted to be the number one champion bull rider in the world. Although it something some might say it infers that he wants to be the champion of number one riders.
When he wasn't working on the ranch he and his buddy(,) Duke were riding in the rodeos.
You also say Jake's dad and grandfather were riders but if that is the case why would they think he was a dreamer would they not think he was trying to follow their foot steps.
I think this is a great start
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
When people post I make the assumption that they are looking for feedback so I try to find something that I believe needs to be improved and some I like. My feedback is only meant to help.
Things I thought need improvement: First some little thing I noticed. I don't understand you note "rider loses leg" I am also not sure I would us the last name Ryder when my main character is a bull rider at some point I think this may become confusing.
I think this line is a bit redundant He wanted to be the number one champion bull rider in the world. Although it something some might say it infers that he wants to be the champion of number one riders.
When he wasn't working on the ranch he and his buddy(,) Duke were riding in the rodeos.
You also say Jake's dad and grandfather were riders but if that is the case why would they think he was a dreamer would they not think he was trying to follow their foot steps.
I think this is a great start
Comment Written 17-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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RYDER IS THE BULL RIDER AND THE MAIN CHARACTER. He WANTS TO BE THE NUMBER ONE BULL RIDER IN THE WORLD. Jake wants to prove to his dad that he could finish what they couldn't because they were failures and he wanted to prove he was a man and could do it.
Comment from krys123
Thanks Barbara for bringing up another chapter on PBR. You know how much I liked reading these. And this one in particular showing the human aspects of professional bull riding. This individual feelings for my bull rider trying to be the best and to show his skills to his father in his grandpa is very meaningful experience. Thank you so much for sharing this with others including myself. May you have a good one and God bless.
Alex/AK
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
Thanks Barbara for bringing up another chapter on PBR. You know how much I liked reading these. And this one in particular showing the human aspects of professional bull riding. This individual feelings for my bull rider trying to be the best and to show his skills to his father in his grandpa is very meaningful experience. Thank you so much for sharing this with others including myself. May you have a good one and God bless.
Alex/AK
Comment Written 17-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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SO GLAD YOU LIKE THIS THERE IS MORE TO FOLLOW
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Yes I did like this and I'm glad your writing more of these.
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welcome
Comment from Daniel J. Darcey
The beginning of a story. A boy to follow his dream. I nice way to start out a new tale. Very nice, I wonder where it will lead. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2014
The beginning of a story. A boy to follow his dream. I nice way to start out a new tale. Very nice, I wonder where it will lead. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2014
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COME ALONG AND FOLLOW HIM ON HIS JOUNEY
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I think I will, thank you ^_^