Seven In Eleven
Seven Lost In Eleven Years40 total reviews
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good storytelling. Good complimentary photo. Good use of the aabb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with years/tears...lost/cost...fate/late. Good description and alliteration. I see nothing that I would add or take of this piece. Good work.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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Good storytelling. Good complimentary photo. Good use of the aabb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with years/tears...lost/cost...fate/late. Good description and alliteration. I see nothing that I would add or take of this piece. Good work.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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Thank you again, RR. I really appreciate it!
Comment from Bobby Jo
The drowning of yourself in alcohole is something I don't really know a lot of. However, I drown myself in a lot of other things to escape reality and writing is one of them.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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The drowning of yourself in alcohole is something I don't really know a lot of. However, I drown myself in a lot of other things to escape reality and writing is one of them.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thank you very much, Bobby Jo. Outside of a few incidents, neither do I, and they were most definitely mistakes. I really appreciate the review, and the perspective.
Comment from L.A.Matthies
This is nothing short of brilliant! The internal rhyme added something special to an already exceptional piece. You've evoked compassion and thoughtfully expressed all the regret ...wonderful work :)
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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This is nothing short of brilliant! The internal rhyme added something special to an already exceptional piece. You've evoked compassion and thoughtfully expressed all the regret ...wonderful work :)
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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L.A., thank you so very much for your great review, and the generous awarding of a six. I really appreciate it.
Comment from misscookie
Sorry I have no more stars. This is a very deep sand emotional poem to read. So many can relate . there is a message within this poem. I pray someone gets it.
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt poem.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Sorry I have no more stars. This is a very deep sand emotional poem to read. So many can relate . there is a message within this poem. I pray someone gets it.
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt poem.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much, misscookie. Seems to me there are plenty of stars on there, and I appreciate every one. Gratitude for taking a look!
David
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You're very welcome, thank you for those sweet words.
Comment from Rondeno
Very, very good. there aren't many who could pull off the internals rhymes with such aplomb - and for the whole poem to have profound meaning is something rather special. Quite an achievement!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Very, very good. there aren't many who could pull off the internals rhymes with such aplomb - and for the whole poem to have profound meaning is something rather special. Quite an achievement!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thanks SO much, Rondeno, for the very kind words and for the wonderful gift of a sixer. Much appreciated.
Comment from jgirlie152
I really enjoyed reading this verse of rhynme, and you are certainly right in your author's notes about the cadence.
As to the content, who of us does not know or heard of a character such as this, who may have so much to offer, but is his own worse enemy. The looks will go, the brain shortly after, leaving a shell of a man who could have had great happiness in life without leaning on the bottle.
Best wishes, good work. Joan
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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I really enjoyed reading this verse of rhynme, and you are certainly right in your author's notes about the cadence.
As to the content, who of us does not know or heard of a character such as this, who may have so much to offer, but is his own worse enemy. The looks will go, the brain shortly after, leaving a shell of a man who could have had great happiness in life without leaning on the bottle.
Best wishes, good work. Joan
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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What a wonderful review! Thank you very much for your kind words and the generous gift of a sixer.
Comment from MidnightWriter4U
I definitely heard the iambic feet/16 syllables, but completely missed your subtle internal rhyme when I was reading it aloud. I do see it now that you mentioned it in your author notes. "Bacardi-party, leave-grieve, only-lonely, temporary-carry, hammer-stammer, finished-diminished, eleven-heaven, slices-entices, romantics-antics, squandered-wandered, sincerely-clearly, ascending-mending." The overall theme is written using descriptive wording which brings out strong emotion. I note AABBCC ending rhyming. Excellent job!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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I definitely heard the iambic feet/16 syllables, but completely missed your subtle internal rhyme when I was reading it aloud. I do see it now that you mentioned it in your author notes. "Bacardi-party, leave-grieve, only-lonely, temporary-carry, hammer-stammer, finished-diminished, eleven-heaven, slices-entices, romantics-antics, squandered-wandered, sincerely-clearly, ascending-mending." The overall theme is written using descriptive wording which brings out strong emotion. I note AABBCC ending rhyming. Excellent job!
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much, Midnight, for making my morning bright with the kind awarding of a six, and for spending some time with my poem. I appreciate it!
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You are very welcome! MN :)
Comment from adewpearl
I like the effect of the enjambment and the long, continuous passages of thought
strong rhymes
good consistent meter
nice touches of alliteration
good assonance in grieve/squeeze
the blue of lonely stirred... - I particularly like that line
strong rhymes in the pound/dash/stammer passage
powerful closing line
Brooke
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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I like the effect of the enjambment and the long, continuous passages of thought
strong rhymes
good consistent meter
nice touches of alliteration
good assonance in grieve/squeeze
the blue of lonely stirred... - I particularly like that line
strong rhymes in the pound/dash/stammer passage
powerful closing line
Brooke
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Thanks very much, Brooke. If I were to choose a favorite line, that would be it.
Comment from Janie King
Well, I am no poet so I never review on poetic style for my ignorance would soon show. You are obviously very talented. Your poem did paint a very vivid picture in the readers mind. God loves you and I do too.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Well, I am no poet so I never review on poetic style for my ignorance would soon show. You are obviously very talented. Your poem did paint a very vivid picture in the readers mind. God loves you and I do too.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much, Janie, for your nice review and very kind words. :) God bless you.
Comment from Petriesan
the problem with alcohol is not only that it is temporary but that eventually it is not event that
left at elevem still aglow - nice work
this reads well and depicts you inner turmoil
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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the problem with alcohol is not only that it is temporary but that eventually it is not event that
left at elevem still aglow - nice work
this reads well and depicts you inner turmoil
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Thank you very much. I appreciate the great review!
