Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "Sunkothai Moon, Part II"Murder Mystery
57 total reviews
Comment from J. P. Egry
I am most impressed with this writing and regret that until now I have not read the prior chapters. I presently have very little time and consequently read very short postings when I have a chance. However I hope to go back and read the whole of this work in the future.
The dialogue and scene setting are excellent and well integrated. The story moves well and engrosses the reader. The characters are lively and interesting. Even coming into the middle of the story like this, I found myself immediately connected and eager to read on. And the SPAG are proper--refreshing after reading some postings here.
The only note I would make is a tiny one: paragraph 31 (if I counted correctly) that begins with "Besides.."-----You don't need quote marks before Besides because Jana is still speaking. I think I would even put 'Jana pushed her plate aside and leaned back' after the line before (after Father Brian) and then continue with "Besides.." all in the same paragraph. Maybe even leave out the 'she said' in that line.
So that it would read:
"Of course, it's possible,but I keep asking myself why now? What danger did these two people pose to Father Brian?" Jana pushed her plate aside and leaned back. "Besides..."
Just a suggestion.
Very polished and a joy to read.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
  |
I am most impressed with this writing and regret that until now I have not read the prior chapters. I presently have very little time and consequently read very short postings when I have a chance. However I hope to go back and read the whole of this work in the future.
The dialogue and scene setting are excellent and well integrated. The story moves well and engrosses the reader. The characters are lively and interesting. Even coming into the middle of the story like this, I found myself immediately connected and eager to read on. And the SPAG are proper--refreshing after reading some postings here.
The only note I would make is a tiny one: paragraph 31 (if I counted correctly) that begins with "Besides.."-----You don't need quote marks before Besides because Jana is still speaking. I think I would even put 'Jana pushed her plate aside and leaned back' after the line before (after Father Brian) and then continue with "Besides.." all in the same paragraph. Maybe even leave out the 'she said' in that line.
So that it would read:
"Of course, it's possible,but I keep asking myself why now? What danger did these two people pose to Father Brian?" Jana pushed her plate aside and leaned back. "Besides..."
Just a suggestion.
Very polished and a joy to read.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
-
Thank you so much, JP. I think your suggestion is excellent a and will change post-haste! Appreciate your kind encouragement and generosity. Warm regards, Bev
-
You're welcome. Glad to help.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I can't wait to see what Jana's grandmother has to tell her. I have a feeling it's very important. I am wondering about her fall too.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
|
I can't wait to see what Jana's grandmother has to tell her. I have a feeling it's very important. I am wondering about her fall too.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
-
Hi, barbara. Thank so much for the gracious review. I think you'll like what 'grandma' has to say... Bev
Comment from mumsyone
Great writing, Bev! Good dialogue that sounds very natural.
"Okay. I think I can stall the doctor long enough for you (to) get here."
Hugs,
Lois
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
|
Great writing, Bev! Good dialogue that sounds very natural.
"Okay. I think I can stall the doctor long enough for you (to) get here."
Hugs,
Lois
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
-
Thank you so much, Lois. I appreciate the lovely review! Happy Holidays, Bev
Comment from Gooloom
Very well written story. Tense plot, and lot of intrigue thrown in for good measure. In the police line women are as good as the men and will not tolerate any hanky panky from colleagues. want to know more. sentences are crisp and clear. on the whole a good job. gooloom
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
|
Very well written story. Tense plot, and lot of intrigue thrown in for good measure. In the police line women are as good as the men and will not tolerate any hanky panky from colleagues. want to know more. sentences are crisp and clear. on the whole a good job. gooloom
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
-
Thank you very much, Gooloom. I appreciate your wonderful review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from 4caresmiles
This is easy to read and keeps the attention of the reader. I like that end leaves the reader pondering what will happen next. Your text is believable and the characters have just enough depth to carry the story forward. Nicely done:)
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
|
This is easy to read and keeps the attention of the reader. I like that end leaves the reader pondering what will happen next. Your text is believable and the characters have just enough depth to carry the story forward. Nicely done:)
Comment Written 14-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2013
-
Thank you so much for this generous and encouraging review. :0) Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
Interesting chapter where we get to see Jana's innocent trust in uncle tony as a child, and later on, her more grown up relationship with Dred, where her past experience with him makes her less gullible and a bit leery.
"Okay. I think I can stall the doctor long enough for you (insert to)get here."
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
|
Interesting chapter where we get to see Jana's innocent trust in uncle tony as a child, and later on, her more grown up relationship with Dred, where her past experience with him makes her less gullible and a bit leery.
"Okay. I think I can stall the doctor long enough for you (insert to)get here."
Comment Written 13-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
-
Thank you, Dallas.
-
:.)
Comment from lindalcreel
This was written exceptionally well. You were able to pull us right into the story without giving up too many details. I think that Jana should go with her instincts and also trust her uncle, who had never steered her wrong before. Can't wait to see who is committing these murders and why they think Father Brian might be involved. Till the next chapter, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
 |
This was written exceptionally well. You were able to pull us right into the story without giving up too many details. I think that Jana should go with her instincts and also trust her uncle, who had never steered her wrong before. Can't wait to see who is committing these murders and why they think Father Brian might be involved. Till the next chapter, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
-
Hi, Lindal. Thank you very much for this generous and encouraging review! I really appreciate your interest in my story. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from rtobaygo
Hello, Bev:
Excellent flow and imagery. The unspoken tension or better, apprehension between Dred and Jana was spot on. Your ability to build on a scene while involving the reader is as good as it gets.
Out of Sixes....
Take Care,
Ray
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
|
Hello, Bev:
Excellent flow and imagery. The unspoken tension or better, apprehension between Dred and Jana was spot on. Your ability to build on a scene while involving the reader is as good as it gets.
Out of Sixes....
Take Care,
Ray
Comment Written 13-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
-
Hi, Ray. First, I want to wish you a very merry Christmas. So nice of you to take time to read my chapter. I really appreciated your generosity and encourgement. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from pickthorn
I haven't had a chance to read any of the previous chapters but never the less the story held my interest with an effortless flow from beginning to end. Very real and intriguing. Exceptional write and I wish you the best.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
|
I haven't had a chance to read any of the previous chapters but never the less the story held my interest with an effortless flow from beginning to end. Very real and intriguing. Exceptional write and I wish you the best.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
-
I'm always honored to get high marks from a writer I admire. Thank you, P, for both your generosity and encouragement. Happy Holidays! Bev
Comment from TamzinWhite
I like the ease of flow. I like the dialogue. I like the flowing between memory and present. It is effortless. Once or twice it jars me that you 'tell' us about the drinking problem and the women... maybe they would be more fluent if described by example.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
|
I like the ease of flow. I like the dialogue. I like the flowing between memory and present. It is effortless. Once or twice it jars me that you 'tell' us about the drinking problem and the women... maybe they would be more fluent if described by example.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2013
-
Thank you much for this review and for your insights. I appreciate both. At this point in the novel, I am more concerned about the major characters than the minor. In previous chapters, I've established that Dred is someone who has caused a lot of pain for Jana. I wanted to, sparingly, fill that out a bit in order to set the conflict in motion in this chapter. Thank you again! Bev
