Comment from Deborah Marie

Exceptional

What a wonderful way to write an acoustic poem. I've bookmarked this one to learn from it and try to write one sometime soon. It is cute and I'm impressed by this well penned acoustic poem. It also brought a smile to my face, Deb

 Comment Written 30-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2013

Thanks, Deb.

I notice you've called this an 'acoustic' poem a couple of times now - the spelling you're looking for is 'acrostic' :o)

Steve

Comment from Sally Carter

Excellent

Very good Steve. I love your use of colloquialisms - chow, especially from Mum, kiboshed, and smithereens. I've always had a soft spot for smithereens!
I think I might have mother simply throwing "them" out? Makes more sense and scans better.
"twisty trunks" - wonderful sound and picture.
Maybe the meter goes slightly wonky on the somnolent and following line, but this is so well done I am quite prepared to read it with my performance ear tuned. I am sure it would work fine read aloud, with suitable expressions and voices.
A great addition to what I'm sure is a delightful book.
My best to you,
Sal

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 31-Oct-2013

Thanks, Sally and congrats on your recent reviewing win - good to see someone push rd off the top once in a while!

I did have 'throwing them' out originally and then on re-reading it sounded like she was throwing out the smithereens...

Roald Dahl does something similar in 'Revolting Rhymes' but he has more flexibility because they are not acrostics - those are super for performance - I may have done a couple with classes in Singapore many moons ago...

When I checked again there are now five in this series, some of them go back a little way....
Princess and the Pea, Little Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks and Boy who cried wolf are the earlier ones. I'm looking at assembling them into a (FanStory) book - at least they will all be together then.


Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

This is a good series, Steve. But in my experience,
magic beans lead more to embarrassment
than glory. 'No hope left, just smithereens.'
That line tickled me.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013

Thanks again, Lee.

isn't 'smithereens' a wonderful word?

Steve

Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

Hello, my Kiwi friend, you may be on to something fantastic here! An anthology of fairy tales in verse ...

Done in your wonderful, casually pithy style - to my immense enjoyment.

Sonali :)

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013

Thanks, Sonali.

Yes, I have five of these now - I may get them all together in one place one day.

Steve

Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart

Excellent

Those are all fairy tales that children have read for years and still enjoy. putting them is poetic form is a wonderful idea. God loves you and I do too.

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from w.j.debi

Exceptional

This is a wonderful rendition of the fairy tale and the best use of the acrostic form that I have seen. The rhythm moves it along so well and the rhymes are wonderful. My brother used to have me read him this tale over and over. I like your version even better than the original...and I don't think you miss a detail.

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013

Thanks so much for the glowing review and the six shiny stars.

Steve

Comment from jgirlie152

Exceptional

This is a most delightful take-off on JACK AND THE BEANSTALK.
You have given it great new life, as I remember this as a child and reading it to my own children. Excellent work.
Joan

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013

Joan, thanks a lot for the kind words and the six stars.

Steve

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Exceptional

You're going to assemble these into a children's book eventually, aren't you, Steve? A great rendition of Jack and the Beanstalk, complete with Fee-Fie-Fum! :) Nancy

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013

Thanks, Nancy.

Yep, I have five of them now - one day..... they will all live happily ever after.

Steve

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

Well how did I miss the other poems. Must have been before I became a fan. Good aabbrhyme and good rhythm. I see 'evil eddie' has messed up your lines. No cure for that I'm afraid. Good job. Nancy

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013

Thanks, Nancy

I don't see evil Eddie - the lines are arranged to suit the acrostic words...

When I checked again there are now five in this series, some of them go back a little way....
Princess and the Pea, Little Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks and Boy who cried wolf are the earlier ones. I'm looking at assembling them into a (FanStory) book - at least they will all be together then.

Steve

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Thank you Steve for sharing this well-known fabled poem with fans, myself and other readers/writers. I enjoyed rereading this fairy tale of Jack and the beanstalk. It was short and concise in the riser neither force, labored or strained. The rhythm flowed very well which made it easy for me to read your poem. The imagery was playing but powerful and maybe have visions of the story. You have a good one and God bless.
AK

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013

Thank you, Krys

Steve

reply by krys123 on 29-Oct-2013

You're welcome Steve and I really enjoyed the fairytale