Until The End Of Time
Armageddon approaches...a short story28 total reviews
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Dawn,
Excellent writing, great yarn and entirely believable. Although I think the following might require some slight redrafting:
We'll be less frightened if we focus on the beauty. It's not something anyone has ever seen before, and it's really quite an incredible sight."
If no-one has seen it before, how do you know how it will look? Suggest use of subjunctive here.
In the following, suggest you replace "axis" with "orbit",
"all anyone knew was the earth's axis shifted, and the globe is now spinning out of control, heading straight for the sun."
Best regards
Reg
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Dear Dawn,
Excellent writing, great yarn and entirely believable. Although I think the following might require some slight redrafting:
We'll be less frightened if we focus on the beauty. It's not something anyone has ever seen before, and it's really quite an incredible sight."
If no-one has seen it before, how do you know how it will look? Suggest use of subjunctive here.
In the following, suggest you replace "axis" with "orbit",
"all anyone knew was the earth's axis shifted, and the globe is now spinning out of control, heading straight for the sun."
Best regards
Reg
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Uh, oh, got you this time my supportive and extremely valued friend - LOL >> he just got back from the pharmacy. The story starts with him saying 'they were sold out'. He's been outside, Reg, and nobody has seen this sight before because it's never happened before.
Okay, now on the second point, are you sure? I'll have another look-see. :)
Thank you!
Comment from Spitfire
Great entry. The first paragraph hooked me. Bit by bit, you worked in the background and managed a characterization of both fearful Blanche and her sensitive husband. What he does is an act of love.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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Great entry. The first paragraph hooked me. Bit by bit, you worked in the background and managed a characterization of both fearful Blanche and her sensitive husband. What he does is an act of love.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you, my friend. means so very much, coming from you!
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Dawn,
well you had me tearing up as I followed every heartfelt word delivered with pure emotion... To think this may be a reality would be enough to make me want to appreciate every little piece of everything I could ever inhale into my existence... This is truly a gem in the finality of forever... Your imagery was outstanding and you delivered something truly special my amazingly talented friend.
My best wishes for the contest.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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Hi Dawn,
well you had me tearing up as I followed every heartfelt word delivered with pure emotion... To think this may be a reality would be enough to make me want to appreciate every little piece of everything I could ever inhale into my existence... This is truly a gem in the finality of forever... Your imagery was outstanding and you delivered something truly special my amazingly talented friend.
My best wishes for the contest.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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Wow, James, now I'M tearing up! Thank you, my knight, for the ever-constant support and your amazing words - I will treasure this review!
Comment from Debra White
Hi Dawn,
I always look forward to your short stories and this one is as great as I've come to expect from you!
You have the knack of drawing me straight in and making me empathise with your characters.
The love and the fear that Reg and Blanche share are tangible in equal measure.
I enjoy that we are seeing the story from Reg's point of view and that we can read his thoughts.
Nicely done, good luck in the contest :)
Kindest regards as always, Debra x
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Hi Dawn,
I always look forward to your short stories and this one is as great as I've come to expect from you!
You have the knack of drawing me straight in and making me empathise with your characters.
The love and the fear that Reg and Blanche share are tangible in equal measure.
I enjoy that we are seeing the story from Reg's point of view and that we can read his thoughts.
Nicely done, good luck in the contest :)
Kindest regards as always, Debra x
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Oh Debra, what a truly wonderful review! I am thrilled - thank you so very much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, my friend.
Comment from EMB
I'm not sure whether I'd rather die with the earth approach the sun, or die with the earth leaving the sun. I'm thinking freezing to death would be better, but I'm not sure why.
This was a tender piece about ending one's existence when it's the end of the world. I think they should've waited to see the fireworks, though. :)
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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I'm not sure whether I'd rather die with the earth approach the sun, or die with the earth leaving the sun. I'm thinking freezing to death would be better, but I'm not sure why.
This was a tender piece about ending one's existence when it's the end of the world. I think they should've waited to see the fireworks, though. :)
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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LOL - only you could take away from the very serious reaction I have when I receive a review like this from one of my top favorite writers on this site! They should have waited to see the fireworks! Tsk, tsk, I see why you were in so much trouble as a youngster, you big tease!
All joking aside, Edward, you must know how much this means to me...many, many thanks, my friend. I'm honored.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written my friend it is a very sad but romantic story that reads so well I enjoyed my friend again well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Yes this is well written my friend it is a very sad but romantic story that reads so well I enjoyed my friend again well done regards Jill
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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As always, your review is so encouraging, my friend!
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Ideasaregems-Dawn,
Hmm, a suicide with the end of the world in more ways than one. Nicely though through plot here, with the suicide concealed, yet agreed.
Well done.
Patrick
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Hi Ideasaregems-Dawn,
Hmm, a suicide with the end of the world in more ways than one. Nicely though through plot here, with the suicide concealed, yet agreed.
Well done.
Patrick
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Of COURSE you would be the first to recognize that subtle point, Patrick! It is not said, but implied by Blanche's first question that she had agreed to joint suicide, and Reg wants to protect her by not letting her know that they will, after all, die that way...so he lies. I actually had one reviewer who said he was mentally ill, instead of the compassionate, loving character I envisioned, LOL.
Thank you so much, my friend! It's good to 'see' you.
Comment from lancellot
Interesting idea you came up from that one sentence. Very original. You have a lot love, sorrow, fear, basically you ran all the top ten emotions in these few and sewed them all together flawlessly. Good job.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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Interesting idea you came up from that one sentence. Very original. You have a lot love, sorrow, fear, basically you ran all the top ten emotions in these few and sewed them all together flawlessly. Good job.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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Thank you for this most wonderful review - much appreciated! I'm humbled!
Comment from country ranch writer
to kill ones self and the love of your life when it is not factual the world is coming to a real end thought they think so wow--------------------------------------is all I can say
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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to kill ones self and the love of your life when it is not factual the world is coming to a real end thought they think so wow--------------------------------------is all I can say
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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Oh, but it IS factual - the description of the 'strange' sight and the fact that everyone knew about it - his friend at the lab told him how long they had. I'd much rather go out sleeping than be incinerated, and that is Reg's plan...:)
Thanks so much for reviewing, my friend.
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sleep is a good way to go it it is the end
Comment from chasennov
'Until The End Of Time.' We have heard this frightening prophecy so many times before, and nothing has happened yet. I do not want to be a survivor when it really does happen. Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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'Until The End Of Time.' We have heard this frightening prophecy so many times before, and nothing has happened yet. I do not want to be a survivor when it really does happen. Well done.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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Oh, we have heard it, haven't we? I wonder, would any survive anyway?
Thanks so much, my dear Chasennov. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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There are sometimes survicors, but I don't think you would want to be the one.
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Maybe, maybe not, but I do know when my time comes, I'd like it to be in my sleep! :)
