Comment from Gypsy Starchild

Excellent

2nd one I have read, and I'm enjoying enough to read on... This is really good... I am always happy to find new writers whom I really enjoy... lots of the writing around here is really bland and uncreative. This is really an amazing sonnet, and all the more cool for being acrosstic too. :)

 Comment Written 19-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 24-Jun-2013

Thank you :-). And welcome on board. I do try to always be creative, above all things. I'm glad that came through. I love sonnets, as you;ll probably come to realise!

Mike

Comment from mountainwriter49

Exceptional

Hey, Mike

I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to get back on-Site to read and review. Your acrostic is simply perfection. It is creative, true to sonnet form and an Acrostic too! Cherly and you have given the Site two superb examples of how acrostic poetry can be poetic and enjoyable to read.

For you to have taken the sonnet form and made this poem work is beyond me.

Well penned, my friend.
Ray

 Comment Written 27-May-2013

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reply by the author on 29-May-2013

Thanks so much for this, Ray. I was determined to write a decent acrostic piece, because so many people dismiss them as shallow and vapid. That's only true because there are so many dreadful ones!

I really don't feel like the starting letters are that big a restriction, and beyond that, the most important thing is making sure it's got a reasonable form. You know I love sonnets, so this felt like a good combination to try.

I'll be honest - this was the third acrostic sonnet I wrote, because I wasn't happy with the first two. Perhaps I'll play around with them and post them later on.

Thanks again, my friend.

Mike

Comment from Hitcher

Excellent

A very impressive, creative and refined write Mike, the fact that you would never know it is actually an Acrostic poem as well as a sonnet is a touch of class mate,Loved it!

 Comment Written 19-May-2013

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reply by the author on 19-May-2013

Cheers Hitch! That's exactly what I try for with acrostics. Glad you liked it mate. Good to hear from you again - did you see you're up for poem of the month? Fingers crossed.

Mike

reply by Hitcher on 19-May-2013

I have just seen it, That is just so Cool :) I'll have to read all the others now to see what I'm up against.
OH, I have just seen Oblivion with Tom Cruise, my darling wife didn't get it but I thought it was pretty darn good.

reply by the author on 19-May-2013

Yeah, I quite liked Oblivion, but it did nick all its ideas from other films. Still, I can let it off. Saw Iron Man 3 yesterday and thought it was great, but both those films were overshadowed by the new Star Trek, which is just awesome!

Mike

reply by Hitcher on 19-May-2013

I'm booked in to see Star Trek this Thursday, I can't wait, and Moana is hanging out to see Iron Man 3[she's a huge Downey Junior fan].I like him too But in a different way, ha ha. Should be a good week... You take it easy mate!

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I am confused. I thought acrostic poetry had a word spelled out from the first letter of each line. I am really confused now. I am not a poet, so I am pretty sure I am wrong.

 Comment Written 18-May-2013

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reply by the author on 19-May-2013

Hi Barbara. You're right, and the poem spells out its title down the left hand side. I chose to form the lines based around a sonnet structure and to not capitalise the start of each line, but the words are still there. Apologies for the confusion :-)

Mike

Comment from rama devi

Exceptional

WOW! What a fun read. Brilliantly witty and expertly composed. I enjoyed it immensely and am so glad I have a six for it. I've got very little time on line, so I cannot list every nuance I loved but I trust you know I noticed them all an applaud your muse with a standing ovation. I especially enjoyed the compositional wit and ironic volta. Also loved the phonetics with superb alliteration (especiallyin the first two lines, on S) and fine rhyming. I love how some sounds echo, like DOUBT echoing assonance of O and the DOU of double.


A sonnet sings iambic double time,
surrounded by a sussurus of sounds
of arguments built up in feet and rhyme,
negating doubt as motif's will abounds.

Brilliant opening!
The only tiny question I can note is in the scansion on the word analogy...it sounds slightly forced to my ear having the GY emphasized but it's too subtle an issue to mind it at all when read aloud.

Love this part best:

not seeing the prediction of a twist.
Allowing for the smite of irony,
the sonnet turns to bite the poor bard's wrist.

Also enjoyed how this ironically meandered via the avenue of enjambement...
One thing is true - a poet's destiny

meanders like the fish in mountain streams.

Outstanding closing line-
Yet sonnets draw straight lines beneath your dreams.


Kudos and bravo.

Love,
rd

 Comment Written 17-May-2013

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reply by the author on 19-May-2013

Thanks so much, RD :-)

I wrote about four complete acrostic sonnets that didn't work before this one came tumbling out. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it and yes - I know you'll have picked up on the subtleties.

Both analogy and prodigy seem too have trouble in an iambic setting, but I couldn't face dropping them, lol.

Thanks again!

Mike

reply by rama devi on 19-May-2013

yes, that's just what I thought and it actually sounds fine read aloud--the forced aspect is too subtle to worry about, IMHO. Love, rd

Comment from cvcopac

Excellent

I sure did. Another masterful crafting of the sonnet, triple good. This is an exceptional write and again proving the versatility of this great form. Kenny

 Comment Written 17-May-2013

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reply by the author on 19-May-2013

Thanks so much, Kenny. I thought I'd challenge myself about be tong the contest prompt of writing an acrostic, and combining it with a sonnet seems like a good idea at the time. Glad you enjoyed the read :-)

Mike

Comment from Warren Rodgers

Exceptional

Mike, I think the sign of a great acrostic is not realizing it is an acrostic. It should always be a poem first and an acrostic second. It's very rare when I read an acrostic where the form and the message both stay on course as yours does. Far beyond the requirements of the contest with excellent meter and solid rhymes in sonnet form! You've even managed to side in a few seldom-seen words like sussurus, motif, and smite. Very clever and skilled writing makes it a joy to read. I would think this should be a top contender. Good luck!
Regards, Rodger

 Comment Written 17-May-2013

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reply by the author on 17-May-2013

Thanks so much, Rodger. I agree completely about acrostics. I keep hearing how it's a crap form because the poem is slave to the letters, but it doesn't have to be - no more than any other form. Done right, they are a poem that just happens to also spell something vertically. I'm thrilled my one managed that for you :-)

Mike

Comment from LadyBrendragon

Excellent

I give kudos to anyone brave enough to write a sonnet and praise to one who has mastered the craft. Good humor and Nice use of words. Nice rhyme and rhythm. Nicely done.

 Comment Written 16-May-2013

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reply by the author on 17-May-2013

Thank you, Lady :-)

I do love sonnets - it's a form that gets difficult to stop writing once begun. I'm really happy you enjoyed it!

Mike

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

Drat, darn and phooey...I don't have any 6s to give you. This is just amazing. As I read this I completely forgot it was also an acrostic. I am not usually a fan of acrostics because the too often come across as forced but this has to be the best one (pretty darn good sonnet too) I have ever read. If this doesn't win I am swearing off contests forever. Terrific work with this one.

 Comment Written 16-May-2013

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reply by the author on 17-May-2013

Thanks for this awesome review, my friend :-)

That you forgot it was an acrostic is the best thing you could say. That's how it should be, so I'm thrilled it worked for this one.

Mike

Comment from trimple

Exceptional

Well you will certainly give your fellow contenders a run for their money with this perfectly delivered sonnet about what a sonnet consists of.
Perfect description, great delivery. A winner for sure.

meanders like the fish in mountain streams.
Yet sonnets draw straight lines beneath your dreams.

Excellent!

kindest regards
tracey :)

 Comment Written 16-May-2013

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reply by the author on 17-May-2013

Thanks so much, Tracey :-)

I love sonnets and, despite their habit of being pants, enjoy writing acrostics. So doing both at once seemed just good sense! I've never won a site contest so I'm not holding my breath, but we'll see.

Mike