Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Osteya Moon"Murder Mystery
46 total reviews
Comment from jadapenn
Some good conflict within Derek going on here. I try to guess what you're up to, Bev, but you're good. I can't figure out what's cooking at this stage. •?? But I guess I will before long as I enjoy playing PI. I thought Ty wasn't going to tell Jana. I reckon he didn't know who found the body. So now we're on the go with this. I enjoyed. Luv jada
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
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Some good conflict within Derek going on here. I try to guess what you're up to, Bev, but you're good. I can't figure out what's cooking at this stage. •?? But I guess I will before long as I enjoy playing PI. I thought Ty wasn't going to tell Jana. I reckon he didn't know who found the body. So now we're on the go with this. I enjoyed. Luv jada
Comment Written 21-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
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Wow, you're so cool to read all these chapters, Jada. I love the breadth of insights I'm getting from you. I know it's a pain to read so many, but you are able to give me a fresh perspective. Much appreciate it, my friend. XXX Bev
Comment from wordsfromsue
I read this the other day and forgot to review! I'm working seven days a week lately and honestly, if I had a dime for everything I forget to finish, I wouldn't need to work seven days a week!!
Good, confusing developments! I don't think Father Brian's bad. Poo thing, isn't it sad how ancient history can come out when you least expect it? Jana's pretty darn smart, I hope she's the one who cracks the case and gets all the credit.
And give her some romance, will you? :-)
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
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I read this the other day and forgot to review! I'm working seven days a week lately and honestly, if I had a dime for everything I forget to finish, I wouldn't need to work seven days a week!!
Good, confusing developments! I don't think Father Brian's bad. Poo thing, isn't it sad how ancient history can come out when you least expect it? Jana's pretty darn smart, I hope she's the one who cracks the case and gets all the credit.
And give her some romance, will you? :-)
Comment Written 29-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
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Hi, Sue. Thank you so much for the great review. Sorry for the delay in getting this out - had a bunch of company for Easter. Your encouragement and generosity mean so much, my friend. I'll see what I can do about that romance angle. Take care, Bev
Comment from emjaihammond
This is a very well written story. It's full of intrigue and so many possibilities. I really enjoyed reading it. It didn't fall short anywhere along the line, and held my interest all the way through. Good job.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
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This is a very well written story. It's full of intrigue and so many possibilities. I really enjoyed reading it. It didn't fall short anywhere along the line, and held my interest all the way through. Good job.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2013
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Thank you so very much for this wonderfully encouraging and generous review. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Glasstruth
Murder and mystery, combination that fits like a glove. Wonderfully structured with plenty of action, suspense, and a sequence of events that kept me glued to the screen. Great job!!! Les
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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Murder and mystery, combination that fits like a glove. Wonderfully structured with plenty of action, suspense, and a sequence of events that kept me glued to the screen. Great job!!! Les
Comment Written 29-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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Hi, Les. Thanks so much for this wonderful review. I really appreciate you taking time out to read my chapter and offer your insights. Most encouraging! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Tomoso
Writingfundimension,
Well done. I found this murder/mystery to be very interesting and intriguing. It has a lot of fascinating ingredients to digest, like priestly sex-crimes, murder, tribal police and secret love. Having Rick and Jana being ordered to work together should prove interesting.
Very well structured and penned nicely.
Good luck with your book
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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Writingfundimension,
Well done. I found this murder/mystery to be very interesting and intriguing. It has a lot of fascinating ingredients to digest, like priestly sex-crimes, murder, tribal police and secret love. Having Rick and Jana being ordered to work together should prove interesting.
Very well structured and penned nicely.
Good luck with your book
Comment Written 29-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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Thank you so much, Tomoso. I really appreciate the brilliant review! So kind of your to take time to read this chapter and offer such a generous and encouraging review. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
Wow this is a great chapter. Loved the speculation about the possibility of Father Brian's hypothetical role in this.
he'd encountered a strange man at St. Matilde's rectory where he'd gone to interview Father Brian. "The priest denied it, but I know there was a third person in that rectory. Why would Father Brian lie to me?"
"The stranger addressed me by name without a glance in my direction and claimed to be expecting me. Only Father Brian knew I was coming by for an interview after wrapping up at the crime scene. His claim that he saw no one and heard nothing doesn't add up."
In light of disturbing revelations concerning Father Brian, Derek chastised himself for letting a possible accomplice in the murder of Debra Padget slip from his grasp. It was of little comfort that he'd executed a thorough search of the study and found no means of escape. The man had, apparently, come and gone like a fragment of errant fog.
Just an observation: In these paragraphs: He encountered a strange man somehow diminishes the mystery that is appended at the end in (come and gone like an errant fog) which maintains the eerie aspect) Not sure how to explain the shift in this section but it seems to go from ordinary concrete image to a mysterious occurrence which is what it was.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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Wow this is a great chapter. Loved the speculation about the possibility of Father Brian's hypothetical role in this.
he'd encountered a strange man at St. Matilde's rectory where he'd gone to interview Father Brian. "The priest denied it, but I know there was a third person in that rectory. Why would Father Brian lie to me?"
"The stranger addressed me by name without a glance in my direction and claimed to be expecting me. Only Father Brian knew I was coming by for an interview after wrapping up at the crime scene. His claim that he saw no one and heard nothing doesn't add up."
In light of disturbing revelations concerning Father Brian, Derek chastised himself for letting a possible accomplice in the murder of Debra Padget slip from his grasp. It was of little comfort that he'd executed a thorough search of the study and found no means of escape. The man had, apparently, come and gone like a fragment of errant fog.
Just an observation: In these paragraphs: He encountered a strange man somehow diminishes the mystery that is appended at the end in (come and gone like an errant fog) which maintains the eerie aspect) Not sure how to explain the shift in this section but it seems to go from ordinary concrete image to a mysterious occurrence which is what it was.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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Hi, Dallas. Thank you SO much for your thorough and very helpful review. I see the point you are making - an excellent one - and will change that section a bit. Sometimes I don't see the forest for the trees. And I do so appreciate your continued support and encouragement. The exceptional rating is icing on the cake. Warmest regards, Bev
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:.)
Comment from garrymc5
A fair start.
Like the opening para, but still would like it rewritten. Perhaps starting with 'Sheriff Oleson's fears proved correct:......''Monitoring without interfering' interferance
'Derek chafed at the administrative position he'd assumed, moving detectives'
This is clunky, the problem being ' he'd assumed' Restructure the sentence, and the paragraph.
Also '"Wish I could. Pretty gruesome scene here. I've secured the area and have done all I need to do. Now, it's your turn." is needlessly long. Better ' 'Wish I could. Gruesome scene. I've secure the area; so now it your turn.'
So, there's a goo story here, but you must put more work to your expression, your visual scenes, succinct dialogue.More 'punch' and wit required. It's still 'clunky'.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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A fair start.
Like the opening para, but still would like it rewritten. Perhaps starting with 'Sheriff Oleson's fears proved correct:......''Monitoring without interfering' interferance
'Derek chafed at the administrative position he'd assumed, moving detectives'
This is clunky, the problem being ' he'd assumed' Restructure the sentence, and the paragraph.
Also '"Wish I could. Pretty gruesome scene here. I've secured the area and have done all I need to do. Now, it's your turn." is needlessly long. Better ' 'Wish I could. Gruesome scene. I've secure the area; so now it your turn.'
So, there's a goo story here, but you must put more work to your expression, your visual scenes, succinct dialogue.More 'punch' and wit required. It's still 'clunky'.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from justatuna
I really enjoyed reading this. I'm no expert on structure, but your's seemed fine. Easy to read and I found myself drawn into your story. I think that's the point and what I look for. Great twist towards the end. Definitely keeps the reader wanting more. Very well done. I really enjoyed the story and the precision with which you write. Nothing was really wasted that I saw.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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I really enjoyed reading this. I'm no expert on structure, but your's seemed fine. Easy to read and I found myself drawn into your story. I think that's the point and what I look for. Great twist towards the end. Definitely keeps the reader wanting more. Very well done. I really enjoyed the story and the precision with which you write. Nothing was really wasted that I saw.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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I'm so pleased you enjoyed this chapter, J. Thank you so much for taking time out to read and share your insights. That's always so helpful. Much appreciated! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Auroraboreal800
I liked the action and suspense in this writing. The situation about Catholicism, pedophilia, polices and detectives is capturing the readers attention with a chain of interesting events.
Good job Writingfundimension!!
:)
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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I liked the action and suspense in this writing. The situation about Catholicism, pedophilia, polices and detectives is capturing the readers attention with a chain of interesting events.
Good job Writingfundimension!!
:)
Comment Written 29-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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Thank you so much, Aurora! I really apprecite the awesome review. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Once agin you presented us with a wonderful post that is a great addition to your previous posts. I like the visual you used about the cancer and the healthy organism. Good job.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Once agin you presented us with a wonderful post that is a great addition to your previous posts. I like the visual you used about the cancer and the healthy organism. Good job.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Barbara, thanks for the great review. I appreciate the support! Warmest regards, Bev
