Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "A Hoka Moon, Pt. 1"Murder Mystery
57 total reviews
Comment from DALLAS01
Another great chapter. Think I missed this one somhow. Love your character depiction of Frankie Durbin. You give us a good visual, utilizing attitude in addition to his surroudings and life style.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Another great chapter. Think I missed this one somhow. Love your character depiction of Frankie Durbin. You give us a good visual, utilizing attitude in addition to his surroudings and life style.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thanks so much, Dallas. I really appreciate you taking time from your vacation to read! Warmest regards, Bev
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You're welcome.
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:0)
Comment from Mad Marvin
Well now, this was very entertaining to read. I know I've missed far too much to know what's going on, but that did not matter in this instance. This piece was written well enough to engage me throughout. Your sense of humor is agreeable (found the interaction between Skeets and Frankie hilarious), and I can only advise you to continue.
May you be further inspired.
Sincerely,
Mad Marvin
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Well now, this was very entertaining to read. I know I've missed far too much to know what's going on, but that did not matter in this instance. This piece was written well enough to engage me throughout. Your sense of humor is agreeable (found the interaction between Skeets and Frankie hilarious), and I can only advise you to continue.
May you be further inspired.
Sincerely,
Mad Marvin
Comment Written 23-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Thanks for stopping by, Mad Marvin. I appreciate your time and support. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Bev,
This was an interesting chapter in the continued search for Debra Padget's killer. The story is told well, and the personification of the characters is realistic. Mr. Durbin is quite a character...he and his friend Sally, the shot gun. I enjoyed the read.
Until next time,
Curtis
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2013
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Bev,
This was an interesting chapter in the continued search for Debra Padget's killer. The story is told well, and the personification of the characters is realistic. Mr. Durbin is quite a character...he and his friend Sally, the shot gun. I enjoyed the read.
Until next time,
Curtis
Comment Written 22-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much, Curtis. I appreciate the the support and generosity. Bev
Comment from kcross11
I really like your work.
It had a great flow. The story itself made me pay more attention to details in your descriptions (since it's a mystery) but the details never got overbearing. They were perfect.
I really liked your old man character. He was believable and I saw him very clearly from your descriptions. I liked your main character too. He felt very human.
Job well done.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2013
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I really like your work.
It had a great flow. The story itself made me pay more attention to details in your descriptions (since it's a mystery) but the details never got overbearing. They were perfect.
I really liked your old man character. He was believable and I saw him very clearly from your descriptions. I liked your main character too. He felt very human.
Job well done.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much kcross for taking time to read my chapter. Your encouragement and generosit are much appreciated! Bev
Comment from Norbanus
This is an outstnading piece of cop drama writing, wd. with excellent dialogue.
Here are a spot you might want to check:
We can provide you with a place to stay until the case is solved?"(not a question)
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2013
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This is an outstnading piece of cop drama writing, wd. with excellent dialogue.
Here are a spot you might want to check:
We can provide you with a place to stay until the case is solved?"(not a question)
Comment Written 22-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2013
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Thanks, Norbanus. I was on the fence with that line, but you are the seoond one to suggest it's rhetorical. So, gonna change it. Sure appreciate the great review! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from SiscoMolina
health care worker (healthcare worker?)
Do you recall seeing anyone unusual fitting that description on the day of the murder?"
(TO me the this question does not sound like a question a detective would ask ... the previous 'description' in the line immediately preceding this one was vague at best and as Frankie pointed out in the next line there would be nothing 'unusual' about a healthcare worker --- now if it was a black healthcare worker with red hair and a lazy eye that might be unusual ... the fact that the detective asks the question makes me judge him as not very good at this detective thing --- I have not read the rest of the chapters though so maybe it is his first day or he is rattled or something)
We can provide you with a place to stay until the case is solved?"
(Question mark at the end of a statement)
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2013
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health care worker (healthcare worker?)
Do you recall seeing anyone unusual fitting that description on the day of the murder?"
(TO me the this question does not sound like a question a detective would ask ... the previous 'description' in the line immediately preceding this one was vague at best and as Frankie pointed out in the next line there would be nothing 'unusual' about a healthcare worker --- now if it was a black healthcare worker with red hair and a lazy eye that might be unusual ... the fact that the detective asks the question makes me judge him as not very good at this detective thing --- I have not read the rest of the chapters though so maybe it is his first day or he is rattled or something)
We can provide you with a place to stay until the case is solved?"
(Question mark at the end of a statement)
Comment Written 21-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2013
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Thank for taking time to read and review.
Comment from J. Dark
Incredible writing, Bev. I read a lot of murder thrillers (particularly Michael Connelly, Richard Montanari and Karin Slaughter) and your writing comes across as highly publishable and polished and easily in the aforementioned writers' league.
Your characterisation and description is colourful and interesting and your writing itself is highly charismatic. I love the way you portrayed the old man - I had such a clear mental image of him as I read.
Had I read this chapter in a magazine it would have prompted me to visit my local bookshop to buy the book.
Well done and please post more soon. I'm genuinely very keen to see how the story progresses and am highly impressed by your standard of work. Wow.
Kindest of regards
Julie :-)
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2013
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Incredible writing, Bev. I read a lot of murder thrillers (particularly Michael Connelly, Richard Montanari and Karin Slaughter) and your writing comes across as highly publishable and polished and easily in the aforementioned writers' league.
Your characterisation and description is colourful and interesting and your writing itself is highly charismatic. I love the way you portrayed the old man - I had such a clear mental image of him as I read.
Had I read this chapter in a magazine it would have prompted me to visit my local bookshop to buy the book.
Well done and please post more soon. I'm genuinely very keen to see how the story progresses and am highly impressed by your standard of work. Wow.
Kindest of regards
Julie :-)
Comment Written 21-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2013
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Julie, I can't possibly convey how much this review lifted my spirits. Thank you for your wonderful words and generosity. Particularly since you are fan of the genre, your insights make me want to try even harder.
I've just started the Harry Bosch series by Connelly. This past fall, I had the pleasure of attending a live hour long interview with Michael. A humble and gracious man. He says he plans on writing another 2-3 novels about Harry. It was a fascinating glimpse into the mind of a mystery writer, and I found him incredibly inspiring.
Again, thank you so much, Julie.
Warmest regards, Bev
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You earnt it, Bev! Your writing fits into the genre with ease. How brilliant that you got to meet Michael Connelly! Harry Bosch is a great character, very flawed but likeable. Glad to hear he will be writing a few more Harry Bosch's stories. Ironically, I think I have read them all except for "The Poet". Mickey Haller is a great character too. :-)
Comment from October21
Hello Bev! Thought I'd return the favour from your brilliant review!
I like the natural dialogue in this piece
Your use of thoughts in italics are strong and work well to add mystery to the story
I liked the way in which Frankie speaks
A compelling read that grabbed me from the start
Enjoyed the bit of humour at the start about the fat cat
You set the scene well with the first line
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2013
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Hello Bev! Thought I'd return the favour from your brilliant review!
I like the natural dialogue in this piece
Your use of thoughts in italics are strong and work well to add mystery to the story
I liked the way in which Frankie speaks
A compelling read that grabbed me from the start
Enjoyed the bit of humour at the start about the fat cat
You set the scene well with the first line
Comment Written 21-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much, October. How kind of you to review in turn. I appreciate that and your wonderfully encouraging words. Kindest regards, Bev
Comment from fictionwriter
A great little addition to the story. I know an old man just like Frankie, better watch out around him too. They're just a bit testy. Loved this. WEll done.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2013
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A great little addition to the story. I know an old man just like Frankie, better watch out around him too. They're just a bit testy. Loved this. WEll done.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much, FW. I am deeply honored by your gracious and generous review. Appreciate you taking time to read! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Fundimension ....
I have read this relatively short chapter with interest and there are just a few small changes to recommend ....
* You have - followup interview ... which should be -
follow-up interview ....
* You have - We believe the person (singular) responsible for her death is passing themselves (plural) off as a nurse ... I suggest - is masquerading as a nurse .....
Now, I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2013
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Hullo Fundimension ....
I have read this relatively short chapter with interest and there are just a few small changes to recommend ....
* You have - followup interview ... which should be -
follow-up interview ....
* You have - We believe the person (singular) responsible for her death is passing themselves (plural) off as a nurse ... I suggest - is masquerading as a nurse .....
Now, I look forward to the next chapter.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2013
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Hi, Nanette. I really appreciate your review. The changes you recommend are the original ways that I wrote those areas and then received, from more than one reviewer, the information that I change them to what you see now. I think you and I were both taught by nuns LOL. Thanks again. Kindest regards, Bev
