The Vietnam Wall
This is the longer version of The Wall.8 total reviews
Comment from EMB
This is the real fate of a lot of soldiers during that time. No body to be found or bury. What a war. We've been trying to avoid having another Vietnam type war ever since. And the average age was nineteen!
I've never visited the wall, but I plan to someday. This was an engaging read.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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This is the real fate of a lot of soldiers during that time. No body to be found or bury. What a war. We've been trying to avoid having another Vietnam type war ever since. And the average age was nineteen!
I've never visited the wall, but I plan to someday. This was an engaging read.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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Thank you Edward for your kind review of my work. I haven't visited the wall either but just thinking about it impacts my emotions. I do plan to make that visit. It is a very powerful symbol of the loss of so many of our young men. War is a terrible thing.
Comment from Gladness
This is sweet. In the shorter version I pictured the man finding her at the hospital. This puts an entirely different light on it. (same issue with extra paragraphs)
I like this version too :) Anita
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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This is sweet. In the shorter version I pictured the man finding her at the hospital. This puts an entirely different light on it. (same issue with extra paragraphs)
I like this version too :) Anita
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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Thank you Anita for reading both the short and long versions of my story. I am glad you liked them.
Comment from Thesis
Your story is very sad and brings back memories of that turbulent time.
Many pacts were made between servicemen, many of whom followed through on promises to their fallen brothers.
It's a nice tribute
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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Your story is very sad and brings back memories of that turbulent time.
Many pacts were made between servicemen, many of whom followed through on promises to their fallen brothers.
It's a nice tribute
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2013
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Thank you Thesis for reviewing my story. I am glad you liked it.
Comment from Otto Loewi
This is a great piece of short fiction. A woman of the Vietnam era coming to terms with her husband's death. Nice work.
Just a couple nitpicky things.
I felt it was a little sudden that she would simply move on after the man kissed her and they were crying. The last line was just too abrupt for me. Maybe should would finally "TRY to go on"? Just a suggestion.
And I'm not sure if a man, even in death, would agree to another man kissing his wife--I certainly wouldn't, I think most men would feel the same way.
"The fluffy feathers were falling"--I'd take out the word "fluffy". We should already assume that feathers are fluffy. Also you have three "f" sounds in a row.
Overall, fantastic work.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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This is a great piece of short fiction. A woman of the Vietnam era coming to terms with her husband's death. Nice work.
Just a couple nitpicky things.
I felt it was a little sudden that she would simply move on after the man kissed her and they were crying. The last line was just too abrupt for me. Maybe should would finally "TRY to go on"? Just a suggestion.
And I'm not sure if a man, even in death, would agree to another man kissing his wife--I certainly wouldn't, I think most men would feel the same way.
"The fluffy feathers were falling"--I'd take out the word "fluffy". We should already assume that feathers are fluffy. Also you have three "f" sounds in a row.
Overall, fantastic work.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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Thank you Otto for your man's point of view. I greatly appreciate it. I will work on the piece and take some of your suggestions. :o) I agree with you about agreeing to have another man kiss his wife. The original challenge (prompt) was to be about a stranger and a kiss. This is how I worked it into the story. I also agree about the fluffy feathers. I had debated about leaving it out...now I will. I will try to show that the moving on was her original intent since it had been years and not due to meeting the stranger. Again thank you for your input.
Comment from Chanphy
This is a beautiful story. I was not expecting that ending but like it. I am glad that she was able to go on with her life, even if only because of a kiss from a stranger. However, that kiss represented her deceased husband who was indirectly telling her to go on with life. Nice of the gentleman to come by daily until the wife was found. I like your story.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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This is a beautiful story. I was not expecting that ending but like it. I am glad that she was able to go on with her life, even if only because of a kiss from a stranger. However, that kiss represented her deceased husband who was indirectly telling her to go on with life. Nice of the gentleman to come by daily until the wife was found. I like your story.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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Thank you Chanphy for your kind review. It was very fairy tale "ish". I am glad you liked it.
Comment from October21
Hi there! I enjoyed your short story!Great rhetorical questions asked. And you set the scene so well in the first few lines of the first stanza. Beautiful work. Goodbyes are so hard and this was a very emotive and romantic one. Well-written throughout and had me hooked.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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Hi there! I enjoyed your short story!Great rhetorical questions asked. And you set the scene so well in the first few lines of the first stanza. Beautiful work. Goodbyes are so hard and this was a very emotive and romantic one. Well-written throughout and had me hooked.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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Thank you October21 for your kind review. I am very glad you liked my romantic little story.
Comment from Mountainstar2
This is a very lovely but sad story of the war. It is written well with interest throughout the story. It is written very well and a very good way to say what is on the mind and heart with just a few words. Thanks for sharing this one......not my usual kind of story to read but this one did hit my heart to read and review too. There are so many that don't come home to us all at home, and one death is a useless death in wartime. Thanks for sharing with us.
Blessings for doing so too...Mountainstar2..
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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This is a very lovely but sad story of the war. It is written well with interest throughout the story. It is written very well and a very good way to say what is on the mind and heart with just a few words. Thanks for sharing this one......not my usual kind of story to read but this one did hit my heart to read and review too. There are so many that don't come home to us all at home, and one death is a useless death in wartime. Thanks for sharing with us.
Blessings for doing so too...Mountainstar2..
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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Wow! thank you so much for your gracious stars. I am glad you liked my story. I'm glad you took a chance and read something you don't usually read. :o) I do that sometimes, too.
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You are very welcome for the review. It touched my heart so.....that I had to read it. Blessings...MS2..
Comment from N.K. Wagner
An excellent story. I might tighten it up just a little if I was going to publish it, but it far outshines your 100 word version (they're hard to do). The only question I have as a reader is why Jake didn't have Grace's address when he came home from Nam. A few words of dialog would clear that up. (He'd lost it, she moved, etc.) Good job. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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An excellent story. I might tighten it up just a little if I was going to publish it, but it far outshines your 100 word version (they're hard to do). The only question I have as a reader is why Jake didn't have Grace's address when he came home from Nam. A few words of dialog would clear that up. (He'd lost it, she moved, etc.) Good job. :) Nancy
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
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Thanks Nancy for your kind review of my short story. Yes, you are right. I thought about the question of why he had not contacted her earlier but then forgot it. :o( I think I was thinking I would develop it into a much longer story and have him tell her the "whys" over coffee. My thought they would go to coffee and eventually end up together. He had not been able to find her...she had moved from Montana to Washington.
