Empty Nest
A Halloween Story/freestyle poem9 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
good alliteration and sensory appeal in winds whistle
good assonance of long O sounds in snow blows
good alliteration in mixed mosaic
vivid detail of setting adds to the mood of this poem
captured in deaths' grip - should be death's
good consonance of L sounds in filled with life and good assonance in field of weeds
You create a dismal, lonely mood most effectively
my kids both live on the other side of the continent - I feel your pain :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
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good alliteration and sensory appeal in winds whistle
good assonance of long O sounds in snow blows
good alliteration in mixed mosaic
vivid detail of setting adds to the mood of this poem
captured in deaths' grip - should be death's
good consonance of L sounds in filled with life and good assonance in field of weeds
You create a dismal, lonely mood most effectively
my kids both live on the other side of the continent - I feel your pain :-) Brooke
Comment Written 29-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2012
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Thank you Brooke for your careful review of my poem. I will
make the correction.
Comment from Eleanor Buron
Wow, I was in that house with you, the description became alive. Such a sad ending, alone, sitting by a fire that will never win against the cold. Great poem in content. And the mood deeply suggests the loss of happy days past that will never be recaptured. Good poem for anytime but perfect for the upcoming Halloween. ;)
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2012
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Wow, I was in that house with you, the description became alive. Such a sad ending, alone, sitting by a fire that will never win against the cold. Great poem in content. And the mood deeply suggests the loss of happy days past that will never be recaptured. Good poem for anytime but perfect for the upcoming Halloween. ;)
Comment Written 20-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2012
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Thank you Elly for your kind review. It was one of my darker moods. I don't usually write very much dark stuff. Was just missing my kids. :o)
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I miss my kids too. They're in Maryland, Illinois (Chicago), Arizona and Texas. Believe me I understand. E
Comment from donaldww
By the time you get down to the penultimate stanza, you realize that this is a ghost talking about an old house. The last line implies that this ghost may be someone who was previously murdered in the house.
Cheers and happy halloween, Madame Ghost.
DW
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2012
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By the time you get down to the penultimate stanza, you realize that this is a ghost talking about an old house. The last line implies that this ghost may be someone who was previously murdered in the house.
Cheers and happy halloween, Madame Ghost.
DW
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2012
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DW, I really want to thank you for your review and different prespective. I think you must have a much more lively imagination than I do. :o) I loved your take on the poem.
Comment from Gungalo
Once this was a home with children playing.
A fireplace blazing and each room filled with life.
I sit in the rocker by the silent fire.
My bones ache from the cold.
Joy is gone...life is futile.
Ohhhhhh what a great write for Halloween!!!
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2012
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Once this was a home with children playing.
A fireplace blazing and each room filled with life.
I sit in the rocker by the silent fire.
My bones ache from the cold.
Joy is gone...life is futile.
Ohhhhhh what a great write for Halloween!!!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2012
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Thank you Gungalo for your review. I am very pleased that you liked it. I have read so many of your fantastic poems. It makes me smile that you liked mine.
Comment from wordsareus
I like how you took the scariness of Halloween and applied to your own life. That is very creative. I really enjoyed reading your poem.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2012
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I like how you took the scariness of Halloween and applied to your own life. That is very creative. I really enjoyed reading your poem.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2012
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Thank you wordsareus for your kind review. I don't usually write very much dark stuff...but that day I was in a dark and lonely mood. Missing my children around the holidays. :o)
Comment from Dodey
Your choice of words bring great images of the ' old house '
So many wonderful lines describe what you found when returning there.. Reliving in your mind, a time when
A happy family life rang through each of the rooms.
These lines stood out for me...
Shards of glass litter the floors in a mixed mosaic of
glass, leaves, and snow.
Ashes in the fireplace lie cold and damp.
The smell of decay assaults my nose.
Coyotes howl at night...
And if you listen you can hear my screams
A truly emotional work. That tugs at the heart.
I can only imagine what it must be like without your children...Bless you.
It seems almost wrong somehow to say this work is wonderfully written, owing to the content..but you have done so well in expressing your pain here.
I hope things improve for you, my friend, I really do.
Blessings and Kind Regards to you ...Dee
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2012
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Your choice of words bring great images of the ' old house '
So many wonderful lines describe what you found when returning there.. Reliving in your mind, a time when
A happy family life rang through each of the rooms.
These lines stood out for me...
Shards of glass litter the floors in a mixed mosaic of
glass, leaves, and snow.
Ashes in the fireplace lie cold and damp.
The smell of decay assaults my nose.
Coyotes howl at night...
And if you listen you can hear my screams
A truly emotional work. That tugs at the heart.
I can only imagine what it must be like without your children...Bless you.
It seems almost wrong somehow to say this work is wonderfully written, owing to the content..but you have done so well in expressing your pain here.
I hope things improve for you, my friend, I really do.
Blessings and Kind Regards to you ...Dee
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2012
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Thank you Dee for your observations and keen sense of my poem. I appreciate you pointing out the parts you liked.
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My Pleasure my friend..Such a beautiful and heartfelt work....Regards..Dee
Comment from dmt1967
I am sorry Halloween is a very scary time very well written poem I like the way it sounded when read out it was a very sad poem as well I think thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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I am sorry Halloween is a very scary time very well written poem I like the way it sounded when read out it was a very sad poem as well I think thank you for sharing
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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You are very welcome. I am glad you thought enough to
leave a review for my poem. Yes, it was meant to be sad.
I was really missing my 5 kids yesterday when I wrote it.
Feeling better today. :o) My children all grew up and moved so
far away...sometimes, my home feels like the one I described. But thank God it dosen't look like it. LOL
Comment from Stormspirit
I thought this was well written and suitably creepy. I imagine the speaker of the poem as some lost soul, a spirit trapped within the decaying walls, doomed never to leave. Then again the thought of someone actually living in such a place is even creepier. ;)
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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I thought this was well written and suitably creepy. I imagine the speaker of the poem as some lost soul, a spirit trapped within the decaying walls, doomed never to leave. Then again the thought of someone actually living in such a place is even creepier. ;)
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Thank you Stormspirit for your great review of my poem/story.
I appreciate your input.
Comment from writesinsonnets
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a wonderful write..........I usually don't care for free verse, I enjoy writing meter poetry more, but this is a real beauty....your punch line is AWESOME...good job
This old house stands alone.
Cold winds whistle around the corners.
The Snow blows in through the broken panes.
Shards of glass litter the floors in a mixed mosaic of
glass, leaves, and snow.
Tiny little creatures' foot prints leave tracks in the ancient dust.
Ashes in the fireplace lie cold and damp.
Rats scurry in the attic.
A bird is captured in deaths' grip unable to find her way out.
The smell of decay assaults my nose.
Once this was a home with children playing.
A fireplace blazing and each room filled with life.
I sit in the rocker by the silent fire.
My bones ache from the cold.
Joy is gone...life is futile.
Just this old empty house and me.
I look out the rags that once were bright curtains.
The yard has become a field of weeds.
Coyotes howl at night...
And if you listen you can hear my screams...
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a wonderful write..........I usually don't care for free verse, I enjoy writing meter poetry more, but this is a real beauty....your punch line is AWESOME...good job
This old house stands alone.
Cold winds whistle around the corners.
The Snow blows in through the broken panes.
Shards of glass litter the floors in a mixed mosaic of
glass, leaves, and snow.
Tiny little creatures' foot prints leave tracks in the ancient dust.
Ashes in the fireplace lie cold and damp.
Rats scurry in the attic.
A bird is captured in deaths' grip unable to find her way out.
The smell of decay assaults my nose.
Once this was a home with children playing.
A fireplace blazing and each room filled with life.
I sit in the rocker by the silent fire.
My bones ache from the cold.
Joy is gone...life is futile.
Just this old empty house and me.
I look out the rags that once were bright curtains.
The yard has become a field of weeds.
Coyotes howl at night...
And if you listen you can hear my screams...
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Wow! thank you so much for your vote of confidence. I did not know how this would go over. I am glad you liked it.
