Old Betsy
Short story5 total reviews
Comment from elliejean
I loved the story. I came from a family of 14. We had an old flatbed truck.. My Dad build sides on it so he could haul all his young ones around. My Dad never had a driver's license either. It didn't matter. Great work.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
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I loved the story. I came from a family of 14. We had an old flatbed truck.. My Dad build sides on it so he could haul all his young ones around. My Dad never had a driver's license either. It didn't matter. Great work.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
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Ellie, thank you for the generous review and your comments.
The story is fictional but based loosely on my husband's
Uncle who took him in at age 9. He really did drive
on the shoulder due to no driver's license. :o)
Comment from wordsareus
Your story is interesting. I would change "No kid of his was"
to "No kid of mine is" in the third paragraph because it is a quote and sounds off the way that it is written.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
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Your story is interesting. I would change "No kid of his was"
to "No kid of mine is" in the third paragraph because it is a quote and sounds off the way that it is written.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
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Thank you for your review of my story. I appreciate your
comments.
Comment from Jenna Rorison
That was an excellent piece of Fiction! I really enjoyed the complete story you told in such few words, very talented!
I would like to say a couple one thing I'd change would be this, the very beginning, "As a kid of nine until I was sixteen and struck out on my own," That was a very tricky, wordy line, please change it. I had to read it a few times. I loved the description of Uncle Howard though, I loved the voice that was put into it. Another issue I had was that your main character was kind of a flat character, i t bothered me that Uncle Howard had more personality than the voice of the story. thanks for sharing, i loved the ending and I got great visuals. ~Jenna
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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That was an excellent piece of Fiction! I really enjoyed the complete story you told in such few words, very talented!
I would like to say a couple one thing I'd change would be this, the very beginning, "As a kid of nine until I was sixteen and struck out on my own," That was a very tricky, wordy line, please change it. I had to read it a few times. I loved the description of Uncle Howard though, I loved the voice that was put into it. Another issue I had was that your main character was kind of a flat character, i t bothered me that Uncle Howard had more personality than the voice of the story. thanks for sharing, i loved the ending and I got great visuals. ~Jenna
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Thank you Jenna for your kind review. I agree with you regarding the first sentence. I wanted a hook. I will consider a rewrite. I'm not quite sure what you meant by the main character was flat. My intention was the main character to be my Uncle Howard and I wanted his personality to be in the focus and not "the story teller." I would appreciate any suggestions you might have of how I can flesh out my character more. I wrote this very quickly and am sure I will be making quite a few rewrites. :o) Thanks again for any help.
Comment from Tina McKala
This was so touching! Story told in a beautiful narrative style, memories, explanation of the background, and a suggestion of how it all ended, it all connected together very well.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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This was so touching! Story told in a beautiful narrative style, memories, explanation of the background, and a suggestion of how it all ended, it all connected together very well.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Tina, I thank you very much for reading and reviewing my story. I am glad you liked it.
Jo
Comment from Debbie7
This is such a beautiful short story. Uncle Howard sounds like a kind and wonderful man. I liked that you took spring off to help with the cotton. I know that's true because I've read that same sentence in many biographies. What a nice tribute you've written to him (and old Betsy) Debbie
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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This is such a beautiful short story. Uncle Howard sounds like a kind and wonderful man. I liked that you took spring off to help with the cotton. I know that's true because I've read that same sentence in many biographies. What a nice tribute you've written to him (and old Betsy) Debbie
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Debbie, I am glad you enjoyed my fictional short story of Uncle Howard. It was fiction but I did take a mixture of characters I have known in my lifetime and put them in the story (of course as composites).
