FanStory.com - Reviews For Day Closes Up Her Shop

Status

New Here?

Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?

Contests

Flash Fiction Writing Contest
Deadline: In 5 Days

Tanka Poetry Contest
Deadline: Jun 30th

5-7-5 Poetry Contest
Deadline: Jul 5th

Horror Story Writing Contest
Deadline: Jul 11th

At The Bank
Deadline: Jul 13th

Writing Classes

haibun
Class Begins: June 30th

The Bible and Poetry
Class Begins: June 30th

Humor in Writing
Class Begins: July 8th

Contemporary Short Story
Class Begins: August 5th

4 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet:	None
Author:	None
Novel:	None
Reviewer:	None
Votes:	None

Write

Short Story

Poem

Book

Reviews from
Day Closes Up Her Shop

quatrains in 8/7/8/7

209 total reviews

Comment by

Doc Holiday

Poet Rating

Rank: 380

Author Rating For Short Works

Rank: 155

Author Rating For Novels

Rank: 24

Review Stars

Rank: 148

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

It's a good thing that Day doesn't operate a 24 hour convenience store or we'd all be in trouble....

Love the symbolism here with signing the name in crimson ink across the sky, beautiful!

Nice write, Brooke!

Comment Written 14-Apr-2012

reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012

Doc,thank you so very much for taking the time to review a poem no longer being promoted - I truly appreciate it :-) Brooke

Comment by

teacherdub

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Author Rating For Short Works

Review Stars

Excellent

Brooke, your quatrain is wonderfully written. It is full of pastoral imagery to enhance its quality and rhythmic flow. Colors are beautiful, thoughts are excellently woven, and the mental picture it produces is gorgeous. td

Comment Written 07-Apr-2012

reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012

td, thank you so very much - it is good to hear from you :-) Brooke

reply by teacherdub on 07-Apr-2012

Brooke, I have been working quite a bit and hasn't left much time for writing. Glad to be with FS again. td

Comment by

Axiom Gray

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Rank: 619

Author Rating For Short Works

Author Rating For Novels

Rank: 65

Review Stars

Excellent

What a nice poem. Your personification of the Day and the Sun are interesting. The Sun's personality almost seems like it works for the Day. As if the Day is the one that decides if the Sun leaves and returns. I liked it very much. Thank you for sharing.

Comment Written 07-Apr-2012

reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012

Axiom, thank you for your gracious response to this poem :-) Brooke

Comment by

Writer 4 U

Good

This seems to be like a cycle of the day and you cleverly use rhyming words t make this poem flow and state the fact that the sun sets each day and rises each morning

Comment Written 07-Apr-2012

reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012

Writer 4 U, thank you for taking the time to review. Since your comments are positive but the rating is 4, which translates to "needs improvement, could you please clarify what part or parts of the poem you would like to see me improve? Brooke

Comment by

Chrisfiore

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Author Rating For Short Works

Rank: 223

(+3)

Author Rating For Novels

Script Rating

Review Stars

Excellent

Greetings adewpearl, A pleasure to read as per your usual flair. I liked the structure of this poem and the thought that Day is a shopkeeper storing the sunlight away night after night. You have a grand imagination. ;) Chrisfiore

Comment Written 07-Apr-2012

reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012

Thank you, Chrisfiore, for your encouraging and gracious review :-) Brooke

Comment by

Amicus

Premier Author

Poet Rating

Author Rating For Short Works

Review Stars

Rank: 1807

Excellent

Well done...the rhymes are satisfying and the personification very clever and skillfully executed. The second stanza is particularly good IMHO. Love the flow and sentiment in it!

Good stuff, as always.

Comment Written 07-Apr-2012

reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012

So glad you enjoyed, Amicus, especially since you are not the world's biggest fan of personification :-) Thank you, my friend. Brooke

reply by Amicus on 07-Apr-2012

It isn't that I don't care for personification when it is done well and in appropriate forms, it is just that it is not appropriate in haiku as it is not true to the aesthetic behind these poems so comes off in them as a cheap trick too clever for its own good and usuallly does nothing but point up the poet's ignorance...as used in other short forms...is hen it works it adds a pleasant and amusing element IMHO.

reply by Amicus on 07-Apr-2012

That is...when it works etc....As you can see, I have yet to master my new I-pad toy! :-)

reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012

speaking of haiku - when are you posting something??? ;-)

reply by Amicus on 07-Apr-2012

Today. I do my daily stuff on a workshop site that is haiku specific and where posting is private and does not iron risk of being considered "published" should I want to submit it for consideration or in a contest somewhere...later this evening, I will be posting a 3/5/3 here though...

Comment by

mumsyone

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Rank: 62

Author Rating For Short Works

Author Rating For Novels

Review Stars

Rank: 129

Excellent

Hi Brooke, I like your personifications of Day and the Sun; easy to picture each of them doing their own thing to keep things on an even keel. I especially like the line: He signs his name in crimson ink

Comment Written 07-Apr-2012

reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012

mumsyone, thank you so much for your thoughtful response to this poem :-) Brooke

Comment by

Glen Bear Smith

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Rank: 55

Author Rating For Short Works

Rank: 160

Author Rating For Novels

Script Rating

Review Stars

Rank: 58

Excellent

Hey there Brooke
This is as different as night and day. The way you captured them is unique and a nice tie into the Easter weekend now upon us
Bear

Comment Written 07-Apr-2012

reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012

Bear, thank you so very much for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke

Comment by

seashellrees4

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Rank: 232

Author Rating For Short Works

Author Rating For Novels

Review Stars

Rank: 1243

Excellent

I like how you've given a human quality to the day. I liked the light-hearted flow as I read it. My favorite lines:

He signs his name in crimson ink
until the skies are burning

Comment Written 07-Apr-2012

reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012

seashellrees, thank you so very much for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke

Comment by

closetpoetjester

Ever the Jester

Jester Forever

Poet Rating

Rank: 54

Author Rating For Short Works

Author Rating For Novels

Review Stars

Rank: 231

Excellent

Cute little tussle between Day and Sun here my friend. Day knows when its time to close up shop at night but not before Sun has rolled in at dusk to let it be known with the crimson ink sky streaks that it will be back again tomorrow. Thoughtfully expressed as always and Nature has it all worked out when you put it as beautifully as this Brooke.
Day would indeed have to be opening shop again the next day if it has that big ball of heat burning and simmering on its doorstep. I adored the "crimson ink" spread in the middle stanza. A truly remarkably lovely poem.
Cheers Phillippa xoxo

Comment Written 07-Apr-2012

reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012

Phillippa, thank you so much :-) I'm so pleased you enjoyed this poem of personification! Brooke

-1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Next Page

Assigning Magic
Presented in couplets...

Pays: 8 points.
52 member cents

A poem
haiku (the pink panther)
an homage to Peter Sellers.

Follow @FanStory

Status

Contests

Writing Classes

Rank

Recommended

Categories

Write