Day Closes Up Her Shop
quatrains in 8/7/8/7209 total reviews
Comment from Doc Holiday
It's a good thing that Day doesn't operate a 24 hour convenience store or we'd all be in trouble....
Love the symbolism here with signing the name in crimson ink across the sky, beautiful!
Nice write, Brooke!
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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It's a good thing that Day doesn't operate a 24 hour convenience store or we'd all be in trouble....
Love the symbolism here with signing the name in crimson ink across the sky, beautiful!
Nice write, Brooke!
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Doc,thank you so very much for taking the time to review a poem no longer being promoted - I truly appreciate it :-) Brooke
Comment from teacherdub
Brooke, your quatrain is wonderfully written. It is full of pastoral imagery to enhance its quality and rhythmic flow. Colors are beautiful, thoughts are excellently woven, and the mental picture it produces is gorgeous. td
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Brooke, your quatrain is wonderfully written. It is full of pastoral imagery to enhance its quality and rhythmic flow. Colors are beautiful, thoughts are excellently woven, and the mental picture it produces is gorgeous. td
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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td, thank you so very much - it is good to hear from you :-) Brooke
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Brooke, I have been working quite a bit and hasn't left much time for writing. Glad to be with FS again. td
Comment from Axiom Gray
What a nice poem. Your personification of the Day and the Sun are interesting. The Sun's personality almost seems like it works for the Day. As if the Day is the one that decides if the Sun leaves and returns. I liked it very much. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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What a nice poem. Your personification of the Day and the Sun are interesting. The Sun's personality almost seems like it works for the Day. As if the Day is the one that decides if the Sun leaves and returns. I liked it very much. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Axiom, thank you for your gracious response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Writer 4 U
This seems to be like a cycle of the day and you cleverly use rhyming words t make this poem flow and state the fact that the sun sets each day and rises each morning
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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This seems to be like a cycle of the day and you cleverly use rhyming words t make this poem flow and state the fact that the sun sets each day and rises each morning
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Writer 4 U, thank you for taking the time to review. Since your comments are positive but the rating is 4, which translates to "needs improvement, could you please clarify what part or parts of the poem you would like to see me improve? Brooke
Comment from Chrisfiore
Greetings adewpearl, A pleasure to read as per your usual flair. I liked the structure of this poem and the thought that Day is a shopkeeper storing the sunlight away night after night. You have a grand imagination. ;) Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Greetings adewpearl, A pleasure to read as per your usual flair. I liked the structure of this poem and the thought that Day is a shopkeeper storing the sunlight away night after night. You have a grand imagination. ;) Chrisfiore
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
Thank you, Chrisfiore, for your encouraging and gracious review :-) Brooke
Comment from Amicus
Well done...the rhymes are satisfying and the personification very clever and skillfully executed. The second stanza is particularly good IMHO. Love the flow and sentiment in it!
Good stuff, as always.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Well done...the rhymes are satisfying and the personification very clever and skillfully executed. The second stanza is particularly good IMHO. Love the flow and sentiment in it!
Good stuff, as always.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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So glad you enjoyed, Amicus, especially since you are not the world's biggest fan of personification :-) Thank you, my friend. Brooke
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It isn't that I don't care for personification when it is done well and in appropriate forms, it is just that it is not appropriate in haiku as it is not true to the aesthetic behind these poems so comes off in them as a cheap trick too clever for its own good and usuallly does nothing but point up the poet's ignorance...as used in other short forms...is hen it works it adds a pleasant and amusing element IMHO.
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That is...when it works etc....As you can see, I have yet to master my new I-pad toy! :-)
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speaking of haiku - when are you posting something??? ;-)
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Today. I do my daily stuff on a workshop site that is haiku specific and where posting is private and does not iron risk of being considered "published" should I want to submit it for consideration or in a contest somewhere...later this evening, I will be posting a 3/5/3 here though...
Comment from mumsyone
Hi Brooke, I like your personifications of Day and the Sun; easy to picture each of them doing their own thing to keep things on an even keel. I especially like the line: He signs his name in crimson ink
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Hi Brooke, I like your personifications of Day and the Sun; easy to picture each of them doing their own thing to keep things on an even keel. I especially like the line: He signs his name in crimson ink
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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mumsyone, thank you so much for your thoughtful response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey there Brooke
This is as different as night and day. The way you captured them is unique and a nice tie into the Easter weekend now upon us
Bear
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Hey there Brooke
This is as different as night and day. The way you captured them is unique and a nice tie into the Easter weekend now upon us
Bear
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Bear, thank you so very much for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
Comment from seashellrees4
I like how you've given a human quality to the day. I liked the light-hearted flow as I read it. My favorite lines:
He signs his name in crimson ink
until the skies are burning
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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I like how you've given a human quality to the day. I liked the light-hearted flow as I read it. My favorite lines:
He signs his name in crimson ink
until the skies are burning
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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seashellrees, thank you so very much for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
Comment from closetpoetjester
Cute little tussle between Day and Sun here my friend. Day knows when its time to close up shop at night but not before Sun has rolled in at dusk to let it be known with the crimson ink sky streaks that it will be back again tomorrow. Thoughtfully expressed as always and Nature has it all worked out when you put it as beautifully as this Brooke.
Day would indeed have to be opening shop again the next day if it has that big ball of heat burning and simmering on its doorstep. I adored the "crimson ink" spread in the middle stanza. A truly remarkably lovely poem.
Cheers Phillippa xoxo
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Cute little tussle between Day and Sun here my friend. Day knows when its time to close up shop at night but not before Sun has rolled in at dusk to let it be known with the crimson ink sky streaks that it will be back again tomorrow. Thoughtfully expressed as always and Nature has it all worked out when you put it as beautifully as this Brooke.
Day would indeed have to be opening shop again the next day if it has that big ball of heat burning and simmering on its doorstep. I adored the "crimson ink" spread in the middle stanza. A truly remarkably lovely poem.
Cheers Phillippa xoxo
Comment Written 07-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2012
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Phillippa, thank you so much :-) I'm so pleased you enjoyed this poem of personification! Brooke
