With Roses Nearby
A Love Poem for my husband60 total reviews
Comment from amanda98653
A very beautiful poem you've written there.
The title really captured my attention:
With Roses Nearby- In mythology, the first red roses are said to have arisen from the BLOOD of Adonis for the love of Aphrodite; thus, they have become symbolic of love, and often resurrection
Although complicated the act of resurrecting is related to your usage of the word "echoing" in the second line of the poem. Resurrecting..to relive.."echoing" to resonate the beauty of "the first time"
"The first time you kissed me the roses nearby
released a sweet fragrance, an echoing sigh"
A reminiscence of "the first time"
The rose may represent the Virgin Mary, and thus virginity, or fertility and passion. It is beauty and perfection, happiness and grace, yet it is also sensuality and seduction.
"Our hearts were together that lovely fall night.
We whispered goodbye in the shadowy light"- very beautiful lines.
"Our hearts were together"- souls bonding
"We whispered goodbye"- very good usage of the word "whispered"- soothing, calm, serene, romantic
"just inside the garden with roses nearby,
as the moon slipped away to the edge of the sky."
The presence of "the garden" of "roses"- the existence of love.
"The sunlight of love shone so warmly that spring"
A hint of pathetic fallacy
Warmth, Brightness, passionate
"But part of the promises you made to me --
wherever we lived, there our roses would be."
Wherever you and your husband would go, the roses would always be there- just like love<3
"Like fragrant rose petals on winter winds blown"
Although winters can get bitter, the presence of love makes everything sweet and warm.
Very beautiful
"Our hearts are together as we say goodbye,
so lay me down gently, with roses nearby."- favorite lines
"echoing" the first line of the poem: "The first time you kissed me the roses nearby"
Very lovely
Amanda
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2013
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A very beautiful poem you've written there.
The title really captured my attention:
With Roses Nearby- In mythology, the first red roses are said to have arisen from the BLOOD of Adonis for the love of Aphrodite; thus, they have become symbolic of love, and often resurrection
Although complicated the act of resurrecting is related to your usage of the word "echoing" in the second line of the poem. Resurrecting..to relive.."echoing" to resonate the beauty of "the first time"
"The first time you kissed me the roses nearby
released a sweet fragrance, an echoing sigh"
A reminiscence of "the first time"
The rose may represent the Virgin Mary, and thus virginity, or fertility and passion. It is beauty and perfection, happiness and grace, yet it is also sensuality and seduction.
"Our hearts were together that lovely fall night.
We whispered goodbye in the shadowy light"- very beautiful lines.
"Our hearts were together"- souls bonding
"We whispered goodbye"- very good usage of the word "whispered"- soothing, calm, serene, romantic
"just inside the garden with roses nearby,
as the moon slipped away to the edge of the sky."
The presence of "the garden" of "roses"- the existence of love.
"The sunlight of love shone so warmly that spring"
A hint of pathetic fallacy
Warmth, Brightness, passionate
"But part of the promises you made to me --
wherever we lived, there our roses would be."
Wherever you and your husband would go, the roses would always be there- just like love<3
"Like fragrant rose petals on winter winds blown"
Although winters can get bitter, the presence of love makes everything sweet and warm.
Very beautiful
"Our hearts are together as we say goodbye,
so lay me down gently, with roses nearby."- favorite lines
"echoing" the first line of the poem: "The first time you kissed me the roses nearby"
Very lovely
Amanda
Comment Written 25-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2013
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Amanda, I simply love your reviews. You truly understand poetry on its deepest levels and it is intensely gratifying to receive a review like this one. It is also extremely rare, making this all the more special. Thank you so very much. This is a beautiful review, more lovely than the poem, I fear. Hugs, Adonna /MissMerri
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Hey Adonna:)
Love your beautiful poems. I will certainly review more. you're very welcome.
Amanda
Comment from LancsLass
Congratulations on second place, I would have given you first. This is such a wonderfully simple, heartfelt and beautiful poem. Says all there is to say clearly and lyrically with the lovely image of roses throughout.
Too mushy? No, not at all there isn't one overly flowery unnecessary adjective in here. I hope your husband appreciates you talent, I'm sure he does :) Happy Anniversary! Well done, Anna
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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Congratulations on second place, I would have given you first. This is such a wonderfully simple, heartfelt and beautiful poem. Says all there is to say clearly and lyrically with the lovely image of roses throughout.
Too mushy? No, not at all there isn't one overly flowery unnecessary adjective in here. I hope your husband appreciates you talent, I'm sure he does :) Happy Anniversary! Well done, Anna
Comment Written 15-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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Thank you for this amazingly generous review Anna. I am so glad you found this acceptable and not too mushy. My husband does love the poem because it tells a true story of our life together, which has been pretty much a 'bed of roses.' Thank you for your good wishes too. That is so kind of you. Hugs... MM
Comment from kiwigirl2821
You know what Miss Merri, this is one of the most beautifully written love poems I've read in a good long time. It has balance and feeling and draws the sighs out of one's heart. What a wonderfully composed piece of writing. Man I wish I could write this well! congrats on the 2nd place win. With a piece of writing like this I'm not at all surprised. xoxo deborah
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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You know what Miss Merri, this is one of the most beautifully written love poems I've read in a good long time. It has balance and feeling and draws the sighs out of one's heart. What a wonderfully composed piece of writing. Man I wish I could write this well! congrats on the 2nd place win. With a piece of writing like this I'm not at all surprised. xoxo deborah
Comment Written 15-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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Ah, Deborah... what a wonderful thing to get to read this morning. You have given me such a delightful gift as I get ready to go off on our anniversary trip. I am so glad to know this poem resonates with others. I wasn't at all sure that it would. Thank you for all the nice things you said that warmed my heart, and thank you for the glowing extra star. This is such a lovely review. Hugs, MM
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Merri. Congratulations! You are certainly deserving of this win...perhaps Even first place, I think. I especially like the way you started this:
"The price was paid by One who gave
His all that we might live;
The treasure is the gift of Life--
What more could one Man give?"
Bravo! Wish I had a six left for you. Bob
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Hi, Merri. Congratulations! You are certainly deserving of this win...perhaps Even first place, I think. I especially like the way you started this:
"The price was paid by One who gave
His all that we might live;
The treasure is the gift of Life--
What more could one Man give?"
Bravo! Wish I had a six left for you. Bob
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
Comment from Val Crisson
How romantic, Miss Merri and no it's not too mushy just beguiling. I, also, love the smell of roses. Your husband is a lucky man
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How romantic, Miss Merri and no it's not too mushy just beguiling. I, also, love the smell of roses. Your husband is a lucky man
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
Comment from HuntersMoon
Hi Meri -
A beautiful testament to enduring love... and clearly, congratulations are in order for placing second in Poem of the Month.
If this is "too mushy" then may we all be afflicted with mushiness (LOL). Well done and CONGRATULATIONS!
Ken
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Hi Meri -
A beautiful testament to enduring love... and clearly, congratulations are in order for placing second in Poem of the Month.
If this is "too mushy" then may we all be afflicted with mushiness (LOL). Well done and CONGRATULATIONS!
Ken
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much, Ken, for the huge congratulations and the kind words about the poem as well. I sincerely appreciate both. MM
Comment from Capture
Such a universal take on a symbol, a tangible part of two lives from beginning to end, adding to every imaginable emotion.
How well conceived.
The words are eye-catching, the symbolism extraordinary, perhaps I shoudl try to keep roses nearby...
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Such a universal take on a symbol, a tangible part of two lives from beginning to end, adding to every imaginable emotion.
How well conceived.
The words are eye-catching, the symbolism extraordinary, perhaps I shoudl try to keep roses nearby...
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
Comment from Doc Holiday
I think you have written a beautiful poem about love, marriage and the commitment to each other. I wish you and your husband a very Happy Anniversary! I hope that both of you will have many more to come before you will have the comfort of roses for your eternal bed.
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I think you have written a beautiful poem about love, marriage and the commitment to each other. I wish you and your husband a very Happy Anniversary! I hope that both of you will have many more to come before you will have the comfort of roses for your eternal bed.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
Comment from nancy_e_davis
A very lovely poem with a loving message.
It has Such beautiful rhyme and it flows
easily off my tongue.You have some georgeous
Roses there in the picture.Good job.
Honetcomb
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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A very lovely poem with a loving message.
It has Such beautiful rhyme and it flows
easily off my tongue.You have some georgeous
Roses there in the picture.Good job.
Honetcomb
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much Honeycomb. I appreciate this wonderfully kind review.
Comment from The MilPond Scribe
Wonderfully flowing, easy style.
Emotions are well etched and defined.
The transition in paragraph 4 between line 2 and 3 is clear, but not smooth for me. Up until that point, and from there to the end, each new line feels like an old friend.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Wonderfully flowing, easy style.
Emotions are well etched and defined.
The transition in paragraph 4 between line 2 and 3 is clear, but not smooth for me. Up until that point, and from there to the end, each new line feels like an old friend.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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First, I appreciate so much that you would take time to read and review this, but secondly, I am slightly confused by your words. What is not smooth in the fourth stanza? The transition or the meter, or the ideas? I appreciate all the nice things you said about the poem, and hope to be able to understand the criticism. Thanks so much for helping me. MM
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Difficult to say specifically. Up until that specific line break, and from that line break on, I felt like I "knew" the next line even before I read it. At that specific line break, I didn't, it almost felt to me as though the peom had hit a natural ending, and then was picked up again later and lengthened.
the idea transition is strong, the meter is fine, I really have no specifics...just that "feeling".
And likely it is my perspective that is the issue here and as such is so individualistic that no one else has the same feel.
sorry that I cant explain it better.
