Spawn of the Devil
A bad break up, Self Destruction.16 total reviews
Comment from cthomsen
BRAVO! This is great - a real cleanser. I like the in-your-face emotion. You cut to the chase! This is a great tribute to all wronged women out there :)
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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BRAVO! This is great - a real cleanser. I like the in-your-face emotion. You cut to the chase! This is a great tribute to all wronged women out there :)
Comment Written 11-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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Thank you very much. I am happy you like it. Thank you for the review. Honeycomb
Comment from J. P. Egry
Very good rhymed poem with nicely flowing rhythm even without a gentle message. Every wife of a philanderer should send this to her husband (ex-to-be). I love the word choices that give the poem its harsh, angry tone. It all works so well. Returning to the beginning theme at the end provides nice closure.
Check noun/verb agreement in line 3--should be "wounds that HAVE festered...."
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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Very good rhymed poem with nicely flowing rhythm even without a gentle message. Every wife of a philanderer should send this to her husband (ex-to-be). I love the word choices that give the poem its harsh, angry tone. It all works so well. Returning to the beginning theme at the end provides nice closure.
Check noun/verb agreement in line 3--should be "wounds that HAVE festered...."
Comment Written 11-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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Thank you J.P. I will edit that right now. Thank you so much for the helpful review. Honeycomb
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You're welcome. Love the poem.
Comment from FREE-ONE
You tell em Honeycomb!!! The saddest of all is that the individuals that get each other over 90 percent never stay together..ruining lives and often families..You have a good cadence and the message was crystal clear...enjoyed your words to push negative completely out ones system...great job...Free
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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You tell em Honeycomb!!! The saddest of all is that the individuals that get each other over 90 percent never stay together..ruining lives and often families..You have a good cadence and the message was crystal clear...enjoyed your words to push negative completely out ones system...great job...Free
Comment Written 11-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2012
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Thank ypu
free! Not about me, I was married almost fifty
six years. Just thought it might make a difference in some way. Like What If I Do? LOL Honeycomb
Comment from cvcopac
I'm sorry, please, can I come home sweetheart? You know I'll never love anyone but you. She didn't mean anything to me.----Your quatrains and couplet are emotive and strong. It's enjoyable to read. It reads well aloud except for a couple of lines where the stress is misplaced. 'Leave, get out now, I want no part of you!' is one bump another is--'I'm the best thing that has happened to you.' and the first one is--'Wounding my soul, leaving me with this scar.' Most of your poem is perfect iambic pentameter. This occurs when you start the line with an unaccented syllable followed by an accented one; and so on until you have expired ten syllables. Read it aloud you'll see what I mean. Also You need get rid of some of the exclamation marks. So many is superfluous as most of the lines are only declaritive. Love the poem great.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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I'm sorry, please, can I come home sweetheart? You know I'll never love anyone but you. She didn't mean anything to me.----Your quatrains and couplet are emotive and strong. It's enjoyable to read. It reads well aloud except for a couple of lines where the stress is misplaced. 'Leave, get out now, I want no part of you!' is one bump another is--'I'm the best thing that has happened to you.' and the first one is--'Wounding my soul, leaving me with this scar.' Most of your poem is perfect iambic pentameter. This occurs when you start the line with an unaccented syllable followed by an accented one; and so on until you have expired ten syllables. Read it aloud you'll see what I mean. Also You need get rid of some of the exclamation marks. So many is superfluous as most of the lines are only declaritive. Love the poem great.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Yeah, I have trouble in those spots also but to say what needed saying with the correct syllable count is hard.It seems those places are the one's that are the most important! I will see what I can do about it without letting the guy off the hook.LOL
Thanks for trying to help! Honeycomb
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Okay, I edited it some. Please read it and see what you think. I just forgot about syllables and went with the flow. Did you feel an improvement?
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You'll get the hang of it and after awhile it'll be in your ear. You already have a good sense of cadence. Sometimes you have to turn a thought upside down and inside out. Don't let that Guy off the hook whatever you do. Ha Ha
Comment from Dklrdmcches
WOW! Did you let out a fury of angst and I loved every bit of it. It was simple in that you were driven to write and explore where your heart will go, and because of this, it made for an honest poem...dark lord
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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WOW! Did you let out a fury of angst and I loved every bit of it. It was simple in that you were driven to write and explore where your heart will go, and because of this, it made for an honest poem...dark lord
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Hi dark lord, I see you were born on the same date as my son. He is a good soul.I'm happy you like my poem.I figured it needed saying. There may be a girl out there seething and this might release her anger. There's a reason I wrote it. I'll never know why. Thanks for the review! Appreciate it.
Comment from Carole Rosa
HoneyComb, You gave me a review yesterday that I really appreciated. I traveled to your site to read your work. This is an excellent poem. I know first hand about men who are skirt chasers! The artwork is very appropriate! Carole
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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HoneyComb, You gave me a review yesterday that I really appreciated. I traveled to your site to read your work. This is an excellent poem. I know first hand about men who are skirt chasers! The artwork is very appropriate! Carole
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Thank you Carol! I 'm glad you liked it. I was writing a romantic poem and all of a sudden this one interupted. From where I don't know. I get a thought I go for it! LOL Thanks for the review. There are a lot of skirt chasers out there now a days and lots of skirts to chase. They need to be careful! Honeycomb
Comment from sweetwoodjax
thisi s very well written, honeycomb, you did a great job writing this poem about the one who gives up her husband to the one he's having an affair with, i enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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thisi s very well written, honeycomb, you did a great job writing this poem about the one who gives up her husband to the one he's having an affair with, i enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Thank you Sweet! It was not about me! Just came to me yesterday morning. Honeycomb
Comment from Herb
Hell hath no fury.
I hope he hasn't completley ruined your faith in men ans we are all not the same. Not any more anyway, honest i've changed i'm a leapord with stripes. :)
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Hell hath no fury.
I hope he hasn't completley ruined your faith in men ans we are all not the same. Not any more anyway, honest i've changed i'm a leapord with stripes. :)
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Some of my favorite people are men! LOL No, the poem was something that just came out of the blue! This morning I woke up with one on faith. Thanks for the review Herb, Appreciate it. Honeycomb
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Honeycomb
You know how to let out your emotions within your rhyming poem
I can see how one call someone who chases after women when they are married are called
A spawn of the devil.
Gert
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Hello Honeycomb
You know how to let out your emotions within your rhyming poem
I can see how one call someone who chases after women when they are married are called
A spawn of the devil.
Gert
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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What can I say. Another idea I woke up with! Don't know from where it came! I woke up with a religious one this morning. I must be a busy little bee in my sleep! Hey , I have a new Great Grandson this fine day. Born last night. They named him Mark Anthony after my son and his own dad. Isn't that neat! Mother and baby doing fine! Thanks Gert. Honeycomb
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Congratulations on your new Great Grandson. I'm still waiting.
Love
Gert
Comment from HuntersMoon
OK - you're correct - this is dark but not in creepy way - just in the emotional tone.
I'll be honest - this was borderline 6 - but the cadence, the rhyme, and most of all the emotional contest made this a 5.99. I rounded up (LOL).
Great write and, assuming that most of us write what we know, my sympathies. Some men are so insecure that they need to validate themselves, never understanding that the loyal one by their side is all the reassurance they ever needed. Stupidity, I guess. Truth be told, it's not soley a man's domain either. When I was first dating, a full quarter of the ladies I met were married.
Heal, be happy, and be reassured that the fault wasn't yours.
Hugs - Ken
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2012
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OK - you're correct - this is dark but not in creepy way - just in the emotional tone.
I'll be honest - this was borderline 6 - but the cadence, the rhyme, and most of all the emotional contest made this a 5.99. I rounded up (LOL).
Great write and, assuming that most of us write what we know, my sympathies. Some men are so insecure that they need to validate themselves, never understanding that the loyal one by their side is all the reassurance they ever needed. Stupidity, I guess. Truth be told, it's not soley a man's domain either. When I was first dating, a full quarter of the ladies I met were married.
Heal, be happy, and be reassured that the fault wasn't yours.
Hugs - Ken
Comment Written 09-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2012
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Hugs back Ken, No, I'm a senior citizen and my love died in 2009 after 56 years of marriage. I just don't know where this came from but I don't fight it when I get the words coming I start writting. No I'm not nuts. Just gifted I hope. LOL Maybe it's devine guidence. Maybe it will save a marriage or two, who knows? I love doing it. Thank you for the review.Thank you so much for the six. That makes it all worthwhile.Honeycomb
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Okay. I need to know where I could improve with this poem. I am not a educated poet. That is to say I never studied poetry and I don't know cadence just how to rhyme and flow and count syllables. I know I need help. Just need to know where.Honeycomb
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I hate it when i make mistakes spelling too, don't you?
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Not at all - I've made a second career out of it (LOL). See, emotional content seems so passe - contest seems so much more active voice LOL. Ken
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I just realized you answered me 3 times (LOL) - so... if I gave you a 6 - there's no improvement needed (Are you blonde by any chance? LOL). Cadence and rhythm and generally syllable count are all related. If you want to know if you've got it right, read it out loud. Trust me, any blips will be caught by your hearing. Ken
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No i'm not a blonde, I'm salt and pepper but i used to be blonde. LOL
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No i'm not a blonde, I'm salt and pepper but i used to be blonde. LOLI read that poem out loud about 20 times. My dogs looked at me like I was talking to them.!
