Reviews from

Drawing a Line

A poem for children

17 total reviews 
Comment from adewpearl
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This is brilliant, Sally - great flow/cadence, strong rhymes, wonderful use of alliteration, fanciful personification - add that all together and this is simply delightful :-)
Perfection in rhyme, my friend :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2012


reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
    Wow, thank you so much Brooke! I hgad a bit of a struggle with this one. Mind you, everything is a struggle, writing wise at the moment! I really appreciate your generous stars, and am SO glad you liked it. I've had some great reviews on this from people whose opinion I respect greatly, so very much appreciated!
    Best wishes
    Sally
Comment from rama devi
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

LOL!

Love this one! So whimsical and witty with a perfect delivery from the dot's POV...perfect poem for children. Bouncy and fun!

enjoyed the premise of the pice so well defined in opening line (pun intended)

"If I could walk,"
declared a dot,
"I might become a line."


Love the fluid free verse style with random rhyme and near-rhyme assonance, and alliteration and consonance too...

As for the devices and clever word chocies, these stanzas stand out as my favorite


He wiggled,
squiggled,
trailed through ink,
he squeezed through scribbles,
curled in kinks.

He crawled
past scrawls
and messy jots,
round splats
and crosses,
splodges, blots.

And as for content and satisfaction in the message, these are my favorites:

"This page
has too much space,"
puffed dot.
'Til, in a daze,
he saw his line
had ended
without trace.

So thankful dot
drew to a stop
back where his line began -
and nothing
felt more
comfy than
his own
small
cosy
spot


Pitch perfect deep message delivered in light style,

Bravo, dear Sally...a rare six for you!

Love, rd

PS Nice presentation, too

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2012


reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
    Oh, rd, how very generous of you! I'm so glad you liked it. I actually spent ages over this - couldn't believe what hard work I made of it - so all the more appreciative of this lovely review and the glowing stars. I still feel that writing of this kind is second rate to some of the beautiful sonnets and other forms to be found, so your reassurance is much appreciated.
    A big hug to you
    Sal x
reply by rama devi on 07-Feb-2012
    I'd give six stars to Dr. Suess as well! And if he wrote for children in sonnet form, I'd only give a three. hee hee. It all depends on genre!

    love, rd
Comment from Realist101
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Sally! This is precious...and I enjoyed this immensely. I read it aloud twice just for the pure joy of how it flows. VERY good. Did you say you had a book in the works? I hope so. This is that good. IMHO! HUG! Susan

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2012


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
    Thank you Susan! It's reviews like this that keep my enthusiasm going. Very much appreciated, kind critic.
    My best to you
    Sally
reply by Realist101 on 05-Feb-2012
    You're welcome!! This is a perfect example of poetry. :)) Susan
Comment from Mastery
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi, Sally! This is a very very clever poem. wow! Talk about imagination. I love it from start to finish. I liked this stanza in particular. LOL..

""This page
has too much space,"
puffed dot.
'Til, in a daze,
he saw his line
had ended
without trace."

Bravo, Sal. Wish I had a six star left for you....Bob

btw Have you read my new chapter in the book yet? I would appreciate if you could...Bob

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2012


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
    Thank you so much Bob. Glad you enjoyed it.
    Sorry I haven't got to your latest chapter yet. I shall make my way there forthwith. (I confess I did take a look and just didn't have time to read it properly and do it justice. No chance of posting in slightly smaller chunks I suppose? It must be hard for you prose writers to get the number of reviews that we poets do, with our little offerings.)
    Back at you soon!
    Sal
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You've done it again! This is just brilliant. I LOVE the way your mind works. Kids would love this. I have an image of this dot hurtling across the page, leaving his 'line' as he goes. Fantastic fun! So well done. Av :o)

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2012


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
    You are so lovely! Big, big thanks for your continued support, Avril.
    Mwahhh!
    Sally
Comment from bhogg
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Shows you how retarded I am. I enjoyed this. It is fun and has a nice rhythm and pace to it. As with some of your other stuff for kids, I wish mine were closer by. I would read it to them. Bill

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2012


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
    Aw thanks Bill. I love it when adults enjoy this kind of stuff - makes me feel less of a numpty myself. Let's just say we are well in touch with our inner child, eh? You might be interested to know I showed my husband (Gavin) your essay about Americans today, and he enjoyed it very much. I also found and he read the first of your Virgil stories, Rabbit (which still moves me to tears!)
    Best wishes
    Sally
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I love this kiddies poem
and such a unique subject..
what fun one can have with
just a dot...

quite dottly, Sally

Margaret

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2012


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
    Thank you so much Margaret. In fact this little poem nearly did drive me dotty. I thought it would be such a doddle, but I spent ages over it, so reviews like yours are so good to get.
    Much appreciated.
    Sally
Comment from Chris Tee
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is an absolutely stunning fun poem fir the kiddies that you have composed here and now share with us old sport. Well done indeed with this splendid work we have here ma'am.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2012


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
    Thank you so much!
    Best wishes
    Sally
Comment from percival86jack
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Don't apologize, Sally, some your bet stuff that I've seen you submit is kiddie oriented! This is so cleverly written as usual, my friend! Love your kiddie stuff.. big huggies, Jack xxxxxxxxx

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2012


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
    Bless you Jack. I know you like this kind of thing - and if truth be told, so do I! Nice to know there are other big kids out there, as well as me.
    Hugs back
    Sal x
Comment from Connie C
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Oh, Sally, this is brilliant! I love this! I wish I hadn't given all my sixes away so early in the week. I guess I am drawn to children's poetry and this one just bounces along, just like the little dot in your poem. You have inspired me to want to write another children's poem; it's been awhile, and the last one I wrote didn't get many reviews. But I liked it. It was about a little desert bug that went for a ride through the desert on a windy day while stuck to a tumbleweed. This is the second children's poem of yours I've ready recently, and I really enjoy them. Keep it up and keep saving them for . . . . (you know). Connie xx

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2012


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
    Haha Connie, what a sweet review. I specially loved the wink in the last line. I'd be so glad if someone else were putting poetry for children out here. There don't seem to be many at the moment. I await with bated breath!
    My very best to you
    Sal x