FanStory.com - Reviews For Chapter Five

Ouch!
Some things can really hurt. 6 Word story.

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A ROUGH BEGINNING

Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Chapter Five - Part One"

Irish immigrants seeking a new life in the USA.

75 total reviews

Comment by

Piggies Grandma

Review Stars

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I enjoyed reading this chapter very much Charlie. It is cleverly written and very well thought out. At least poor Jo had a happy child hood while she was young

Comment Written 31-Jan-2012

reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012

Thank you for your review and comments, PG. Charlie

Comment by

ulster3

Review Stars

Excellent

Hello, Charlie.
Use of the full name is always an indication of displeasure...how cool that you caught on to that. Caitlin sure has grown strong and a bit rambunctious. Thanks for a good read.
Warmly, Rebecca

Comment Written 31-Jan-2012

reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012

Thank you for your review and comments, Rebecca. Charlie

Comment by

Jayson Therriault

Excellent

Less action than the last chapter I read, but it feels good to read heather as doing soemthing more... humane than whipping a gang member ;).

You need to set the tone of where the characters come from, and doing so, in lulls between action, can be difficult to do while trying to keep the reader interested.

You do so hands down!

Comment Written 31-Jan-2012

reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012

Thank you for your review and commentsm Jayson. This chapter entails a five year jump in time. It is a set-up chapter. Charlie

Comment by

Herb

Review Stars

Excellent

Another good chapter Charlie. Your dialougue as always is a strong point in your writing. Can't help you with the grammer as i am also rubbish.

Comment Written 31-Jan-2012

reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012

Thank you for your review and comments, Herb. Charlie

Comment by

pigwit

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Review Stars

Excellent

C_Lucas,
I think the characters are believable and the dialogue flows well. It's always difficult to throw in dialects and I think you pull it off.

Pigwit

SUGGESTION: THIS SENTENCE DOES NOT FLOW WELL.
She followed its flight until distracted by several children at play, kicking a round ball.

Comment Written 31-Jan-2012

reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012

Thank you for your review and comments, Pigwit. Charlie

Comment by

Larrypic11

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Rank: 1835

Excellent

The story continues to move along well. You have the cadence of the speech down very well, Charlie, so all seems to be moving along. This is a good transition chapter. Be well. Larry

Comment Written 31-Jan-2012

reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012

Thank you for your review and comments, Larry. Charlie

Comment by

rees

Excellent

I personally do not see any weak grammar in this script,instead a fine style we are trying to forget which is very enssential as far as litrature is concern.What a fine piece indeed!

Comment Written 31-Jan-2012

reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012

Thank you for your review and comments, Rees. Charlie

Comment by

pnkglo

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Excellent

Caitlin has grown up to be a five year old since I last read about her. To have been a sickly baby she has grown into a happy fun loving little girl. Her mother has chosen not to tell her about her father. Good story. pnkglo

Comment Written 30-Jan-2012

reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012

Thank you for your review and comments, Pnkglo. You haven't missed anything. I jumped five years. Charlie

Comment by

TammyGail

Review Stars

Excellent

Charlie you are really spinning your web of golden verse with these chapters, this was a great read very well written and expressed. Excellent dialogue keeping the readers full att throughout the read. Thanks for sharing it was a pleasure to read another fine chapter. Think I will follow your writing this will indeed be a chapter I will enjoy following.

Comment Written 30-Jan-2012

reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012

Thank you for your review and comments, Tammy. Charlie

Comment by

Dr. Marsh

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Exceptional

This work has reached the exceptional level

I read one of your chapters a few days ago, and everything I said about your writing then holds true with this chapter. You, my fellow writer, are a born story teller. What you write about here is the simplest of things, but you make it intriguing. My attention never wavered. You are great with characterization and setting, and have a wonderful writing style. I don't recall reading any of your poetry...but I'd certainly like to.

The chapter is pure excellence! Again, six stars.

Comment Written 30-Jan-2012

reply by the author on 31-Jan-2012

Thank you for your review and comments, Dr. Marsh. Charlie

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