Walk In The Dark Forest
Ivan sneaks off the school bus55 total reviews
Comment from mcorbinrn
Just what I would expect from a little boy growing up in the Alaska woods! Nice short story! It shows a beautiful display of the imagination of a youngster taking that daring step out into life alone.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012
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Just what I would expect from a little boy growing up in the Alaska woods! Nice short story! It shows a beautiful display of the imagination of a youngster taking that daring step out into life alone.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2012
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Thanks so much, Margie. I haven't posted to FS in a long time because of work on my old stuff. Since I'm sort of back to it, I will post a chapter of a little book soon.
Comment from MissMerri
I see some excellent writing in this post... Told from the POV of a little boy, Ivan, who gets off at the wrong stop evidently searching for a little adventure and finds more than he wanted. I loved how you created the suspenseful mood with words like Annie's "Be careful, Ivan. I hope I see you in Miss Ward's class tomorrow." and by mentioning the monster on the lunch pail, and the icicles that looked like silver knives... (or did you mean "sliver" as you wrote?) I thought you meant that to be silver, but I guess either would work. It was a great distortion of beauty into terror for a little boy. You certainly created the mood and set us up for the great relief when he hears a voice he loves... and suddenly he's safe. The last line offers an explanation for why she was looking for him, but I was hoping for at least one more line that explained his huge relief, or joy at seeing her or something besides Uh-oh. Was there a word-count limit? It was a good ending, but I guess I thought it could be richer. I love the way you tell stories for children, and I'm sure the children in Miss Ward's class would love this one. Great story, MissA! Keep 'em coming.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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I see some excellent writing in this post... Told from the POV of a little boy, Ivan, who gets off at the wrong stop evidently searching for a little adventure and finds more than he wanted. I loved how you created the suspenseful mood with words like Annie's "Be careful, Ivan. I hope I see you in Miss Ward's class tomorrow." and by mentioning the monster on the lunch pail, and the icicles that looked like silver knives... (or did you mean "sliver" as you wrote?) I thought you meant that to be silver, but I guess either would work. It was a great distortion of beauty into terror for a little boy. You certainly created the mood and set us up for the great relief when he hears a voice he loves... and suddenly he's safe. The last line offers an explanation for why she was looking for him, but I was hoping for at least one more line that explained his huge relief, or joy at seeing her or something besides Uh-oh. Was there a word-count limit? It was a good ending, but I guess I thought it could be richer. I love the way you tell stories for children, and I'm sure the children in Miss Ward's class would love this one. Great story, MissA! Keep 'em coming.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2011
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I'm a little shocked that you reviewed an old story for me. I would have sworn you did that long ago. However, I'm very happy you liked it. Your suggestion for the ending intrigues me, I may give it a try. With a big hope to see you in Dec -- many thanks! Marie
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I'm still wondering if you meant silver or sliver, concerning the icicles. I hadn't reviewed this earlier because I never saw it. It was probably posted the time I went to Tahoe without my computer, and got SOOOOO far behind with everything. Love the story.
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SILVER is all that makes sense in a little kids story. Thanks for catching that!!!
Comment from dbmccarter
I like this. Think we are so big sometimes, don't we. Then Mom shows up and we are so glad. I love your descriptions of the woods and the crunch of the snow. Great art.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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I like this. Think we are so big sometimes, don't we. Then Mom shows up and we are so glad. I love your descriptions of the woods and the crunch of the snow. Great art.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2011
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It's nice of you to take time to review this little story. Thanks for your comments. Marie
Comment from missyvamp
cute story with just a pinch of scary for your intended audience...but is this just the first chapter or the entire (short) story? The way it ended, it just cries out for at least one more chapter...imo
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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cute story with just a pinch of scary for your intended audience...but is this just the first chapter or the entire (short) story? The way it ended, it just cries out for at least one more chapter...imo
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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This is a story that may be suitable for a children's magazine, fully illustrated to give more completeness on such a short piece. Thanks for your comments and the review.
Comment from Louise Willard
Cute! And a real truth in the fact that there are some things scarier than bears! Moms! At least mine was! And I guess when I raised my six kids I could get a little scary at times! At least that's what they tell me now! So funny! Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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Cute! And a real truth in the fact that there are some things scarier than bears! Moms! At least mine was! And I guess when I raised my six kids I could get a little scary at times! At least that's what they tell me now! So funny! Well done.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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I appreciate your amusing remarks. Thanks for doing a review of this little story.
Comment from Chris Tee
Wow! This was very scary for a while!
This is a rather splendid write here old sport
I enjoyed every word of this indeed here old girl.
Captivated indeed and great!
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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Wow! This was very scary for a while!
This is a rather splendid write here old sport
I enjoyed every word of this indeed here old girl.
Captivated indeed and great!
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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I appreciate your comments. Thanks for doing a review of this little story.
Comment from annettebda
I really enjoyed this story, it conveys so much atmosphere in just a few words, from excitment to fear to welcome relief and a happy ending.
Annette
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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I really enjoyed this story, it conveys so much atmosphere in just a few words, from excitment to fear to welcome relief and a happy ending.
Annette
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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You make highly interesting observations, Annette. Thanks so much for doing a review of this little story.
Comment from Brendastar
You've used an everyday incident and given it an interesting twist! And you've done it in only 280 words!I've been working at writing children's stories - wish I had your insights.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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You've used an everyday incident and given it an interesting twist! And you've done it in only 280 words!I've been working at writing children's stories - wish I had your insights.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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Many, many rewrites is the only thing that works for me -- sometimes that works! Thanks for doing a review of this little story.
Comment from peggles
A wolf a bear any number of terrors when alone in a forest.
Silence and solitude brings its own fears
You have described a child's imagination so well then closing with the mothers arrival out of the shadows perfect
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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A wolf a bear any number of terrors when alone in a forest.
Silence and solitude brings its own fears
You have described a child's imagination so well then closing with the mothers arrival out of the shadows perfect
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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You make unique observations that I do appreciate. Thanks for doing a review of this little story.
Comment from JBCaine
Alaska-
Very nicely done in such a short space.
I noticed no spelling/grammar stuff.
Good voice... told by a kid, and sounded like a kid.
Oh yes... Mom always knows.
Thanks for a pleasant little read.
JBCaine
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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Alaska-
Very nicely done in such a short space.
I noticed no spelling/grammar stuff.
Good voice... told by a kid, and sounded like a kid.
Oh yes... Mom always knows.
Thanks for a pleasant little read.
JBCaine
Comment Written 29-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2011
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The only reason for no errors is the short length. I feel famous for those oversights when it comes to novels. Thanks for the review. Marie
