The Impudence of Oranges
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "In the Kitchen"Reflective Autobiographical Poetry
11 total reviews
Comment from Veekz
Very cool little piece on being the grown up watching the innocence of children :)
I love the popsicle stained lips and the sun kissed shoulders - you've managed to describe parts of my own childhood so well!
Beautiful piece, thanks so much for the nostalgic read :)
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Very cool little piece on being the grown up watching the innocence of children :)
I love the popsicle stained lips and the sun kissed shoulders - you've managed to describe parts of my own childhood so well!
Beautiful piece, thanks so much for the nostalgic read :)
Comment Written 21-Feb-2011
Comment from Herb
Very good Nizz. I mean that. I like the 'in the kitchen' bits. Does this symbolise that all these kids are them selves still cooking, turning into the people they will be.
In the kitchen, five pairs of summer-kissed shoulders
peek from under pool-bleached hair,
arms freckled with bug bites from
balmy nights spent outside
in makeshift blanket tents with popcorn
and flashlights.
I loved this verse, sums up child hood brilliantly. Good job.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2011
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Very good Nizz. I mean that. I like the 'in the kitchen' bits. Does this symbolise that all these kids are them selves still cooking, turning into the people they will be.
In the kitchen, five pairs of summer-kissed shoulders
peek from under pool-bleached hair,
arms freckled with bug bites from
balmy nights spent outside
in makeshift blanket tents with popcorn
and flashlights.
I loved this verse, sums up child hood brilliantly. Good job.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2011
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This poem was based on a Daisy Fried exercise where you write for 10 mins straight and every time you get stuck, you write "In the kitchen" and keep writing. I kinda liked the kitchens and formatted it in. Its about a woman who is nostalgic for her own childhood and wants to preserve the innocence in these girls. I do like your explanation of "in the kitchen" though. Funny how elements show up that the writer doesn't even realize are there. Thanks again, Herb. So good to have you around. M:)
Comment from juliaSjames
When my son was a little boy, he confided to me that he liked "in between girls"...that phrase popped into my mind as I read this gorgeous free verse. You depict innocence and happiness with such poignant precision that it hurts.
Query - "the other three are also mine"?? Do you mean that they are temporarily yours? on loan? I think you might want to clarify.
Enjoyed this.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2011
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When my son was a little boy, he confided to me that he liked "in between girls"...that phrase popped into my mind as I read this gorgeous free verse. You depict innocence and happiness with such poignant precision that it hurts.
Query - "the other three are also mine"?? Do you mean that they are temporarily yours? on loan? I think you might want to clarify.
Enjoyed this.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2011
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Thanks, Julia. I did make that change yesterday and forgot to update. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for your feedback :)
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Okay, I understand now. peace and blessings, julia
Comment from lepton37
scuse me, mac, but fuck -i was not prepared to have tears - i mean, sheeeee-it. i dont know you, blahblahblah, but i was trying to write something this morning for a friend of mine and you nailed it here and i can't stop crying...thank you for gettin to TG, to me and me over here; and yes, thank you for opening me up EVEN MORE #&$^(&!lol. rack'em -sack-em hey she knocked my block off (dont tell me ur 2 young, yo, g - she prolly 2young); hold on, i'm not finished: thank you for doing what i couldnt/didnt do this morning (yeah, baby, you bet i'm copy/pasting this bad boy write/right when i done wit my fank-yooze. I'm mah-tee pleased to be making your acquaintance, ma'am, uh, miss, er...U TOTALLY ROC
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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scuse me, mac, but fuck -i was not prepared to have tears - i mean, sheeeee-it. i dont know you, blahblahblah, but i was trying to write something this morning for a friend of mine and you nailed it here and i can't stop crying...thank you for gettin to TG, to me and me over here; and yes, thank you for opening me up EVEN MORE #&$^(&!lol. rack'em -sack-em hey she knocked my block off (dont tell me ur 2 young, yo, g - she prolly 2young); hold on, i'm not finished: thank you for doing what i couldnt/didnt do this morning (yeah, baby, you bet i'm copy/pasting this bad boy write/right when i done wit my fank-yooze. I'm mah-tee pleased to be making your acquaintance, ma'am, uh, miss, er...U TOTALLY ROC
Comment Written 08-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Damn, sorry to make you cry? Thank you, though. I am glad you likey. M:)
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we good, lil pup...not a bad thing, jk, 2 get hard-wired to something very painful in me...healing and grieving, well - that which doesn't kill me I know for a fact is making me stronger...we good...lep and ps: your head ought to explode - you good, you phah-ine -das jus da troof!
Comment from Inge_Meldgaard
Hmm...I like this very much - strong story telling, good, tight structure and lovely, simple choice of words, in keeping with the 'story'. I can relate to everything you have shown us here, and it's all very beautiful - just a little puzzled over these lines:
Only two of them are mine -
the other three are also mine.
Your five children, with two of them having your features?
I like the repeated 'In the kitchen' - it really works. If there was the facility for sending attachments on this site, I'd send you a photo I took of my sister washing the dishes in her kitchen - I immediately thought of it when I began reading the poem.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Hmm...I like this very much - strong story telling, good, tight structure and lovely, simple choice of words, in keeping with the 'story'. I can relate to everything you have shown us here, and it's all very beautiful - just a little puzzled over these lines:
Only two of them are mine -
the other three are also mine.
Your five children, with two of them having your features?
I like the repeated 'In the kitchen' - it really works. If there was the facility for sending attachments on this site, I'd send you a photo I took of my sister washing the dishes in her kitchen - I immediately thought of it when I began reading the poem.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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I'm glad you liked it. Those lines were a somewhat lazy attempt to illustrate that two of the children were mine, the other three are their friends and are only "mine" when they are in my house. I should probably change that up or elaborate. I also wanted the ending to be a little less "merrily" so I think I'll take that word out. Thank you for your helpfulness as always! :)
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Oh, and I'd be happy to use your picture for this piece if you like. :)
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Not sure if it's quite right for the poem, but if you give me your email address, I can send it to you as an attachment...I think you'd enjoy the photo anyway :}
Comment from Rama Rao
Since you say it is an assignment, and you are going to remove the words, "in the kitchen" eventually, I would say it is definitely a fine piece. I am sure it will merit the approval of your tutor. You have created good imagery of five children in the kitchen asking their mum for caramel or whatever pleases her.
A good job.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Since you say it is an assignment, and you are going to remove the words, "in the kitchen" eventually, I would say it is definitely a fine piece. I am sure it will merit the approval of your tutor. You have created good imagery of five children in the kitchen asking their mum for caramel or whatever pleases her.
A good job.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thank you :)
Comment from nancyjam
I love the warmth that radiates
throughout your poem.
Your images are vivid and
evoke tender emotions in the reader.
We see the girls clearly through your
descriptive language. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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I love the warmth that radiates
throughout your poem.
Your images are vivid and
evoke tender emotions in the reader.
We see the girls clearly through your
descriptive language. Nicely done.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thank you :)
Comment from Lisa Fairleigh
I really enjoyed reading this poem. You captured the innocence of being young, the fun of it, and its unspoiled beauty. I liked the "flurry of flipflops and giggling" phrase very much, it's descriptive and alliterative. A joyous poem.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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I really enjoyed reading this poem. You captured the innocence of being young, the fun of it, and its unspoiled beauty. I liked the "flurry of flipflops and giggling" phrase very much, it's descriptive and alliterative. A joyous poem.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thank you, Lisa :)
Comment from shariannegaylee
This is very good, but I agree, "in the kitchen" makes the reader expect something "cooking". How 'bout after you turn in the assignment you change it to something like: Five girls...and end with something like: Five girls on the edge of womanhood, childishly await my gift of caramels... I really like the picture this one conjures!
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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This is very good, but I agree, "in the kitchen" makes the reader expect something "cooking". How 'bout after you turn in the assignment you change it to something like: Five girls...and end with something like: Five girls on the edge of womanhood, childishly await my gift of caramels... I really like the picture this one conjures!
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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Yep. I think the kitchens are gonna go. Thanks again Shari!
Comment from harleyangelbrat
This is a lovely poem about the kitchen. It is expressive and descriptive which makes for a great read. I enjoyed reading this very much. It is an excellent read. God bless you!
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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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This is a lovely poem about the kitchen. It is expressive and descriptive which makes for a great read. I enjoyed reading this very much. It is an excellent read. God bless you!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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thanks
