Funeral
a villanelle20 total reviews
Comment from Quillian
I liked this poem very much. It is the first time I have hear of a villanelle. ( Want to learn more about them, so thanks for that!) Thought the overall tone was one of sadness for someone who lived with an uncaring family and it left me with the thought that the fault may have lived with them. Really lovely...
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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I liked this poem very much. It is the first time I have hear of a villanelle. ( Want to learn more about them, so thanks for that!) Thought the overall tone was one of sadness for someone who lived with an uncaring family and it left me with the thought that the fault may have lived with them. Really lovely...
Comment Written 31-May-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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I should be teaching a course in which we spend one week on the villanelle in the fall.
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Great, I'll be watching...
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I read this through slowly, as I believe the reader is supposed to do in all poetry, and to my surprise it was much more pleasant to read. It was especially pleasant from the rhyming point of view. (I'm a bit of a sucker for rhyme and rhythm.) but once again I have enjoyed the reading. The words make much more sense reading it slowly. Thanks once again in anticipation for your tolerance.
Giddy
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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I read this through slowly, as I believe the reader is supposed to do in all poetry, and to my surprise it was much more pleasant to read. It was especially pleasant from the rhyming point of view. (I'm a bit of a sucker for rhyme and rhythm.) but once again I have enjoyed the reading. The words make much more sense reading it slowly. Thanks once again in anticipation for your tolerance.
Giddy
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
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Thanks for a great review; I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Gungalo
Wow, Alvin!!! You did a great job with those words. Awesome imagination and a villanelle that is perfect in form and rhyme scheme. I enjoyed reading this one and seeing what you did with those words. Amazing!!!
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Wow, Alvin!!! You did a great job with those words. Awesome imagination and a villanelle that is perfect in form and rhyme scheme. I enjoyed reading this one and seeing what you did with those words. Amazing!!!
Comment Written 29-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Once again, thanks for a great review. This is one of my favorites.
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Well I loved it.
Comment from L.lora
Very nicely done Al, you
are so good at the poetic
forms. So sad a tale you've
told within the guidlines
you were given. An excellent
job with this one, a pleasure
to read and review. Lora
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Very nicely done Al, you
are so good at the poetic
forms. So sad a tale you've
told within the guidlines
you were given. An excellent
job with this one, a pleasure
to read and review. Lora
Comment Written 14-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Thanks for a great review; I am truly appreciative.
Comment from Lanetia
Hum it takes some re-reading and oh yes, some re-reading. After reading it about 3 more times, it finally made some sense. Keep up the good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2010
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Hum it takes some re-reading and oh yes, some re-reading. After reading it about 3 more times, it finally made some sense. Keep up the good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2010
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Thank you for your review. A one-star review indicates a work needs major revision. How do you suggest I revise the poem?
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Alvin, maybe it does not need any work. Maybe it is too deep for my punny brain. You will have your chance to rate me just as soon as I build up the courage to post my poems.
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Thank you for your response.
Comment from nelias nhac
My oh my this is a sad sad poem. I'm not familiar with the vilanelle rhyming scheme so thanks for explaining. I've so enjoyed reading the great variety of perspectives people wrote for this same words contest... this is another very unique one...
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2010
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My oh my this is a sad sad poem. I'm not familiar with the vilanelle rhyming scheme so thanks for explaining. I've so enjoyed reading the great variety of perspectives people wrote for this same words contest... this is another very unique one...
Comment Written 14-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2010
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Thank you for a great review. I am quite appreciative.
Comment from Judian James
I kept throwing myself off by pronouncing "family" as two syllables! Otherwise, I found it a very, very good piece Al. I think I would flip this line: "The blazing sun one summer day drew nigh" to "One summer day, the blazing sun drew nigh" instead. Just a thought. The emphasis would hit on "sum" Well done. The provided word list was a tricky one!
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2010
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I kept throwing myself off by pronouncing "family" as two syllables! Otherwise, I found it a very, very good piece Al. I think I would flip this line: "The blazing sun one summer day drew nigh" to "One summer day, the blazing sun drew nigh" instead. Just a thought. The emphasis would hit on "sum" Well done. The provided word list was a tricky one!
Comment Written 13-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2010
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Thanks for a good review; yes, the word list was not easy to incorporate. I am seriously considering your suggestion.
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Evening Alvin,
When I read this stunning poem when it was posted I was taken back by its
profound beauty and gut wrenching truths to the point of it being visceral. I waited to review in hopes I'd be able to award you a six, but despite having two sixes in the toolbox tonight, I can't since I've already awarded my allocation to you for whatever the 30 day period is.
This poem deserves a six for many reasons and I am quite disappointed that the damn star fairy won't allow me to give one to you. Please accept the next best thing I can do and that is to offer you an unconditional six and exceptional rating for this poem.
I'm not familiar with this poetic form and was pleased to read about it and to see it so well executed. I must try one.
Oh how I've seen this in families before and it is heart breaking. Their only grief concerns itself with their sense of unfairness relative the distribution of estate properties and funds. It is disgusting.
The imagery in the poem is haunting: i.e.,
Upon the desert ground he lay to die--
The end rhymes are strong and true and extremely effective.
I like the repeating line "They said they loved him, yet it was a lie." It drills home the hypocrisy rampant in the family.
The only question I have is should heaven be capitalized since you're referring to God's domain?
Again, my friend, this poem is exceptional and should sweep the contest easily.
I am amazed at your talent and always enjoy reading your art.
-ray
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2010
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Good Evening Alvin,
When I read this stunning poem when it was posted I was taken back by its
profound beauty and gut wrenching truths to the point of it being visceral. I waited to review in hopes I'd be able to award you a six, but despite having two sixes in the toolbox tonight, I can't since I've already awarded my allocation to you for whatever the 30 day period is.
This poem deserves a six for many reasons and I am quite disappointed that the damn star fairy won't allow me to give one to you. Please accept the next best thing I can do and that is to offer you an unconditional six and exceptional rating for this poem.
I'm not familiar with this poetic form and was pleased to read about it and to see it so well executed. I must try one.
Oh how I've seen this in families before and it is heart breaking. Their only grief concerns itself with their sense of unfairness relative the distribution of estate properties and funds. It is disgusting.
The imagery in the poem is haunting: i.e.,
Upon the desert ground he lay to die--
The end rhymes are strong and true and extremely effective.
I like the repeating line "They said they loved him, yet it was a lie." It drills home the hypocrisy rampant in the family.
The only question I have is should heaven be capitalized since you're referring to God's domain?
Again, my friend, this poem is exceptional and should sweep the contest easily.
I am amazed at your talent and always enjoy reading your art.
-ray
Comment Written 12-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2010
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Thanks for an exceptional review. I graciously accept the virtual six. I did take your suggestion and capitalize Heaven. I have read your sonnet over several times and will review it when I can pay full attention to it--it demands a careful perusal. Thanks again for this review.
Comment from lola29
Alvin, you are indeed one of the most talented and prolific poets on this website. It's fascinating to learn about the Villanelle style of poetry. Your entry is a winner!
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2010
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Alvin, you are indeed one of the most talented and prolific poets on this website. It's fascinating to learn about the Villanelle style of poetry. Your entry is a winner!
Comment Written 12-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2010
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Thank you for the review and the compliment.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What a sad, sad poem, Alvin -
but so well crafted - I wish you
luck in the contest.
Just taken a break from packing - off in the early hours of the morning to
airport to fly to Lisbon for 5 days seeing the sights, then driving down to
Alburferia on the Algarve of Portugal - back on 27th in time for New Year.
Happy Christmas, my friend.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2010
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What a sad, sad poem, Alvin -
but so well crafted - I wish you
luck in the contest.
Just taken a break from packing - off in the early hours of the morning to
airport to fly to Lisbon for 5 days seeing the sights, then driving down to
Alburferia on the Algarve of Portugal - back on 27th in time for New Year.
Happy Christmas, my friend.
Margaret.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2010
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Have a wonderful holiday. Thank you for this review.
