Pink Clouds in a Soft Purple Sky
The world of one schizophrenic30 total reviews
Comment from whitteron
klat line..bubble gum not gun
this is wonderful. I didn't see the end coming, and thought perhaps it was a butterfly or bird...the descritions are so rich and lucsciou in every way.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
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klat line..bubble gum not gun
this is wonderful. I didn't see the end coming, and thought perhaps it was a butterfly or bird...the descritions are so rich and lucsciou in every way.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
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Thanks for catching the spag. I am pleased you enjoyed this one.
Comment from nigai
Like a glove opened inside out. Your first half description is so multilayered "tangerine flavored rainbow", sounds as colors etc. The second half is frightening. To become normal, one has to be so drugged. I had asked my doctor and he reassured me that, yes, I probably would have been drugged to oblivion if my problem had been found in my 20's. Having had 40 years of living experience, I have the knowledge when the meds don't work or I'm going through a rough patch because of the drugs...not me per se!
Your author notes were also illuminating. My best to you in your journey, Nigai
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2010
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Like a glove opened inside out. Your first half description is so multilayered "tangerine flavored rainbow", sounds as colors etc. The second half is frightening. To become normal, one has to be so drugged. I had asked my doctor and he reassured me that, yes, I probably would have been drugged to oblivion if my problem had been found in my 20's. Having had 40 years of living experience, I have the knowledge when the meds don't work or I'm going through a rough patch because of the drugs...not me per se!
Your author notes were also illuminating. My best to you in your journey, Nigai
Comment Written 25-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2010
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Thank you so very much for your encouraging review. I know several with similar experiences and they have chosen to deal with this with a clear head and a life of experience knowing how to identify when help is necessary.
Comment from Tellis
It's a beautiful world with oodles of nutrition for the soul, but not the body. It would be nice to be able to live this way. Excellent piece.
Tllis
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2010
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It's a beautiful world with oodles of nutrition for the soul, but not the body. It would be nice to be able to live this way. Excellent piece.
Tllis
Comment Written 08-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2010
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You are the first person to notice that. Yes, it is a wonderful place for the heart and soul, but survival is not a reality. I am pleased you enjoyed this one.
Comment from Southern Writer
This is so different from most of your work. I found it hard to review. However, it is beautifully written.
Like most, I think of paranoid schizophrenic and how seriously ill they are or can be. This is a gentle peek into probably the more "regular schizophrenic" we do see on the street. I would like to think they had these kinds of good thoughts more often than the bad ones.
You wrote in such a way that I got sort of caught up in the visions, it has an almost poetic feel.
Of course, it doesn't end so well, I was left with a saddness. Excellent, a poem in fiction form.
Would have given you a 6 rating, if I had one.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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This is so different from most of your work. I found it hard to review. However, it is beautifully written.
Like most, I think of paranoid schizophrenic and how seriously ill they are or can be. This is a gentle peek into probably the more "regular schizophrenic" we do see on the street. I would like to think they had these kinds of good thoughts more often than the bad ones.
You wrote in such a way that I got sort of caught up in the visions, it has an almost poetic feel.
Of course, it doesn't end so well, I was left with a saddness. Excellent, a poem in fiction form.
Would have given you a 6 rating, if I had one.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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If you read the last line you will see he/she does return to the world of pink clouds and soft purple sky. Whether that is a good or bad thing is up to the reader. I am so pleased you enjoyed this one. I definitely stepped out of my comfort zone to write this. You are right, not my usual style.
Comment from Realist101
Hi Sasha, Please forgive me for this late review...This is so beautifully written. "my best friend is a tree"...sometimes I feel this. Altho I don't think I'm ill. Who knows. You have described this horror so well. I hope this will be published. You are such a wonderul lady. Luv, Susan
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Hi Sasha, Please forgive me for this late review...This is so beautifully written. "my best friend is a tree"...sometimes I feel this. Altho I don't think I'm ill. Who knows. You have described this horror so well. I hope this will be published. You are such a wonderul lady. Luv, Susan
Comment Written 07-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thank you so very, very much. This was a real challenge for me. I definitely stepped out of my comfort zone with this one. I am thrilled you liked it enough to give it 6 stars. Between you and me, it is and probably will continue to be one of my favorites.
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Well, this is a contender for story of the month I believe. And hope. You should "step out" more often. Outstanding Sasha. Really. Susan
Comment from DrCarter2001
Hi Sasha, I'm going to try this again; I wrote a long review earlier today and then our freaking network wiped everything out.
Overall, this is a beautiful depiction of the world of a schizophrenic, although to some degree it felt a little more like a hallucinogenic trip through the mind of Lewis Carroll (who may have been somewhere on the schizoid spectrum himself). I really like the images you chose and the sharp contrast between the happy dream world and the "real world". I haven't worked with many schizophrenics, since the disorder is rare in childhood (although I suspect many adults who are diagnosed with schizophrenia actually are on the autism spectrum, but lack of accurate childhood history makes it unclear when symptoms actually started), so you would know better than me if this is representative of true schizophrenia. I know people with Bipolar Type I often prefer how they feel during their manic phases than they do on medications, but I haven't heard as much about schizophrenics preferring to remain off medciations as their inability to obtain them (due to financial reasons, etc).
One thing I might suggest to make it clear this is a schizophrenic world and not a simple psychotic episode or a drug-induced hallucination would be to make the wording more echolalic and a bit more disorganized. The term "Autism" actually comes from the automatisms seen in schizophrenia, I suspect because many engaged in repetitive behaviors and self-stimulatory speech. Their speech is also disordered, and they will say things that just seem bizarre. You have a great example when you say "The last guppy green word floats by". I have no idea what a guppy green word is, but it sounds mesmerizing, and the alliteration is wonderful. Try throwing more rhyme, singsong, and alliteration here and there (think Mad Hatter and Jabberwocky), made-up words (neologisms), and imagine things like how colors taste or sounds feel to the touch. It will add a bizarre element while also making it even more poetic.
One technical point that I have to make (and I know you'll fix it so I'm still giving five stars): halfway through, you change tense from present to past, starting with "He was truly spectacular!" and continuing through the next 1 1/2 paragraphs. Maybe you want to show that the schizophrenic also confuses time and place and has no real concept of temporality, but if so, you should use this more in the piece. Otherwise it looks like an error.
Overall, though, a really great piece. Best wishes for the contest!
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Hi Sasha, I'm going to try this again; I wrote a long review earlier today and then our freaking network wiped everything out.
Overall, this is a beautiful depiction of the world of a schizophrenic, although to some degree it felt a little more like a hallucinogenic trip through the mind of Lewis Carroll (who may have been somewhere on the schizoid spectrum himself). I really like the images you chose and the sharp contrast between the happy dream world and the "real world". I haven't worked with many schizophrenics, since the disorder is rare in childhood (although I suspect many adults who are diagnosed with schizophrenia actually are on the autism spectrum, but lack of accurate childhood history makes it unclear when symptoms actually started), so you would know better than me if this is representative of true schizophrenia. I know people with Bipolar Type I often prefer how they feel during their manic phases than they do on medications, but I haven't heard as much about schizophrenics preferring to remain off medciations as their inability to obtain them (due to financial reasons, etc).
One thing I might suggest to make it clear this is a schizophrenic world and not a simple psychotic episode or a drug-induced hallucination would be to make the wording more echolalic and a bit more disorganized. The term "Autism" actually comes from the automatisms seen in schizophrenia, I suspect because many engaged in repetitive behaviors and self-stimulatory speech. Their speech is also disordered, and they will say things that just seem bizarre. You have a great example when you say "The last guppy green word floats by". I have no idea what a guppy green word is, but it sounds mesmerizing, and the alliteration is wonderful. Try throwing more rhyme, singsong, and alliteration here and there (think Mad Hatter and Jabberwocky), made-up words (neologisms), and imagine things like how colors taste or sounds feel to the touch. It will add a bizarre element while also making it even more poetic.
One technical point that I have to make (and I know you'll fix it so I'm still giving five stars): halfway through, you change tense from present to past, starting with "He was truly spectacular!" and continuing through the next 1 1/2 paragraphs. Maybe you want to show that the schizophrenic also confuses time and place and has no real concept of temporality, but if so, you should use this more in the piece. Otherwise it looks like an error.
Overall, though, a really great piece. Best wishes for the contest!
Comment Written 07-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Wow, this is the most thorough and helpful review I have ever received for any of my writing. I LOVE your suggestions and will go back over and see what I can do. I am by no means an authority of schizophrenia but as I mentioned in my notes, I have known several. Each one displays different symptom, some claim to experience hallucinogenic style delusions, others claim to enter a completely different world, and some say it is a frustrating combination of both reality and delusion. I have known two paranoid schizophrenics and several without the paranoia. Both groups are usually miserable, hate the effects of the medication, and most suffer severe depression. To be honest, I cannot imagine how difficult their lives must be.
I found your comment about the repetitive behaviors and disordered speech fascinating. These are symptoms my sister displays. Personally, I get a kick out of what her doctors and therapists call 'self-talk'. She can be quite amusing. This has nothing to do with your review of this story but in your last chapter you did talk about behavior modification techniques. This was a area not well accepted or understood in the early to mid fifties and something my sister could have most definitely benefited by.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to this post. This is way more than I expected.
Comment from Readywriter52
It looks like the world of illusion can be very powerful. Physical illnesses are things people can see. The mental illnesses aren't so obvious. Most people fear the mentally ill because they don't understand them. The story is interesting because it's told from the view of the schizophrenic.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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It looks like the world of illusion can be very powerful. Physical illnesses are things people can see. The mental illnesses aren't so obvious. Most people fear the mentally ill because they don't understand them. The story is interesting because it's told from the view of the schizophrenic.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2010
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Thank you. While a fictional story I am pleased you understood the meaning and my purpose for writing this.
Comment from missy98writer
Sasha,
I watched a Discovery show about schizophrenic folks. They are in a different world. I feel the drugs they give folks for schizophrenia makes folks act like they are zombies and it makes them fat. I see a many bag woman and bag guy speaking to themselves. Not many schizophrenic folks are violent like TV movies show. Your story is an awesome entry in the contest. I think your art work is perfection. I enjoyed this line; "Physically unable to resist, my mouth open, ignoring the saliva dripping from my chin, I swallow the two large white pills without any water. I cannot speak and must use the wall to hold myself up as I try to walk back to my room on legs made of rubber. I spend the day in bed unable to stop the powerful drugs racing through my body from doing their damage. Tears stream down my cheeks as I wonder why they fear me. What harm do I pose them by just being me. They tell me 'normal' is best, but I know better." You've had a interesting life. I feel there are folks who operate our government who are nuts. Keep up the magnificent writing. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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Sasha,
I watched a Discovery show about schizophrenic folks. They are in a different world. I feel the drugs they give folks for schizophrenia makes folks act like they are zombies and it makes them fat. I see a many bag woman and bag guy speaking to themselves. Not many schizophrenic folks are violent like TV movies show. Your story is an awesome entry in the contest. I think your art work is perfection. I enjoyed this line; "Physically unable to resist, my mouth open, ignoring the saliva dripping from my chin, I swallow the two large white pills without any water. I cannot speak and must use the wall to hold myself up as I try to walk back to my room on legs made of rubber. I spend the day in bed unable to stop the powerful drugs racing through my body from doing their damage. Tears stream down my cheeks as I wonder why they fear me. What harm do I pose them by just being me. They tell me 'normal' is best, but I know better." You've had a interesting life. I feel there are folks who operate our government who are nuts. Keep up the magnificent writing. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Melissa.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2010
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Thank you so very much for your awesome review. Yes, I have had a fascinating life that provides plenty of fodder for subjects to write about.
Comment from fictionwriter
I don't know why you can't live in the world if you choose to. If that's what makes a person happy, what's wrong with the. great job
"Good morning(,) dear friend. Another beautiful day, wouldn't you agree?"
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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I don't know why you can't live in the world if you choose to. If that's what makes a person happy, what's wrong with the. great job
"Good morning(,) dear friend. Another beautiful day, wouldn't you agree?"
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Although few are fortunate enough to live in such a pleasant world, I have tremendous empathy for their plight. Schizophrenia is such a horrific disease and for some, the so-called cure is as bad if not worse. Thank you for your very generous and sympathetic review.
Comment from Joan E.
Yes, your painting is quite appropriate and I never tire of viewing it. Thank you for portraying the complete personality of persons afflicted with this schizophrenia. "In my world..." is a terrific way to begin this discussion and you used the contest prompt so well to convey your message. I particularly liked your use of a variety of specific colors ("guppy green" being the most special) and your "hand painted rainbow" simile. I reveled in the twin does being personified and reciting Wordsworth's iconic lines. I also enjoyed your tribute to our poetic stars on FanStory. "They tell me normal is best" is still ringing in my ears--and I wonder...
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Yes, your painting is quite appropriate and I never tire of viewing it. Thank you for portraying the complete personality of persons afflicted with this schizophrenia. "In my world..." is a terrific way to begin this discussion and you used the contest prompt so well to convey your message. I particularly liked your use of a variety of specific colors ("guppy green" being the most special) and your "hand painted rainbow" simile. I reveled in the twin does being personified and reciting Wordsworth's iconic lines. I also enjoyed your tribute to our poetic stars on FanStory. "They tell me normal is best" is still ringing in my ears--and I wonder...
Comment Written 05-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2010
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Thank you so very much for your generous and kind review. This was way out of my normal comfort zone but I found the contest challenging and enjoyed writing this one.
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I got so caught up in the tale, I forgot to wish you well in the contest. Thanks for stepping out of your comfort zone to cause us to ponder the realities of our human condition. -Joan
