Kim
a strong Asian woman84 total reviews
Comment from Dom G Robles
I like this story. It is very nice and beautiful. The expressions and everything are vivid, sharp, neat and clean. It is pathetic too, in a sense that the American Guy who bore her a child went home never to return. Kim, the lady half-breed French who is now in a boat along the China Sea, camouflaged herself as a man, is still there trying to survive and now, hallucinating...the days she had been with Richard who, she learned later, was married in America, and therefore would not, and may not get back to her anymore. This, he mentioned to her before he left. It is a nice story indeed, and it deserves praise for the author who had made the story beautiful. Congratulations Alvin. Dom
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2010
  |
I like this story. It is very nice and beautiful. The expressions and everything are vivid, sharp, neat and clean. It is pathetic too, in a sense that the American Guy who bore her a child went home never to return. Kim, the lady half-breed French who is now in a boat along the China Sea, camouflaged herself as a man, is still there trying to survive and now, hallucinating...the days she had been with Richard who, she learned later, was married in America, and therefore would not, and may not get back to her anymore. This, he mentioned to her before he left. It is a nice story indeed, and it deserves praise for the author who had made the story beautiful. Congratulations Alvin. Dom
Comment Written 17-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2010
-
Thanks for an exceptional review. I am glad it placed third in the contest. I worked very hard on it.
Comment from fictionwriter
what a horrible little story. Not a bad one, just horrible in what was done to that poor girl, to too many of the innocents in other countries. Well done.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
 |
what a horrible little story. Not a bad one, just horrible in what was done to that poor girl, to too many of the innocents in other countries. Well done.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
-
Thanks for a great review; I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Claire Beck
Nice work. I had a little difficulty buying in to the "present" story (her on the boat, hallucinating), because the past story was so prevalent. I'm also not sure why or how she got on the boat. I realize this is a contest entry, so you had to stick to a maximum word count. I think this could be stronger if it were longer. That way, you could do more with the "present" story.
Technical Stuff:
There are a lot of "hads" throughout, especially the first several paragraphs. Getting rid of some or all of them would really tighten up the story.
"protestations" should be "protests."
Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
 |
Nice work. I had a little difficulty buying in to the "present" story (her on the boat, hallucinating), because the past story was so prevalent. I'm also not sure why or how she got on the boat. I realize this is a contest entry, so you had to stick to a maximum word count. I think this could be stronger if it were longer. That way, you could do more with the "present" story.
Technical Stuff:
There are a lot of "hads" throughout, especially the first several paragraphs. Getting rid of some or all of them would really tighten up the story.
"protestations" should be "protests."
Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from dave d yes its me
good piece of writing. i can imagine their were hundredas like her. nicely written. it kept my attention well. which doesnt happen often. the good lord wanted me to read your poem. i dont usuallt take up the offer to review writing.
you learn something new everyday. thanks for your kind help
alvin
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
|
good piece of writing. i can imagine their were hundredas like her. nicely written. it kept my attention well. which doesnt happen often. the good lord wanted me to read your poem. i dont usuallt take up the offer to review writing.
you learn something new everyday. thanks for your kind help
alvin
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
-
Thanks for a good review. Since you gave me four stars, where do you think the poem needs improvement? I couldn't find any mention of that in the written review.
-
i accidently pushed wrong button. i have a habit of that. i dont know how to correct it
-
It's actually very easy to change the review or rating of a work. Here's how:
Go to My Menu in the upper left hand corner of the screen. Scroll down to My Feedback and from the drop-down menu, select Reviews I Wrote. All the reviews you have written will come up, and you scroll down to the one you want to change. Click on Edit Review in the lower RIGHT hand screen of the review; you then can change the wording of the review or the rating.
Of course, I am not asking you to revise the review or the rating; I am just explaining how it can be done after the fact--it's helped me correct many a mistake.
Comment from anne1204
Very well done. I wanted it to be longer to see what happened next. Very clever changes from reality to hallucinations. Good storytelling. Anne 1204
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
|
Very well done. I wanted it to be longer to see what happened next. Very clever changes from reality to hallucinations. Good storytelling. Anne 1204
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
-
Yes, others have asked for a sequel, too. I am not quite ready yet; this story was emotionally draining to write. Thanks for an excellent review.
Comment from InterestingRon
This beautifully told story has already gained recognition and an All Time Best Award and it's very easy to see why. A perfect match to the illustration that forms part of the contest. I have rarely seen a character so well drawn. We feel genuine compassion for Kim. We know so much about her. The danger she and her baby are in is palpable. I find it amazing that a relatively short story has been packed with so much emotion and excitement. Thank you. Ron
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
|
This beautifully told story has already gained recognition and an All Time Best Award and it's very easy to see why. A perfect match to the illustration that forms part of the contest. I have rarely seen a character so well drawn. We feel genuine compassion for Kim. We know so much about her. The danger she and her baby are in is palpable. I find it amazing that a relatively short story has been packed with so much emotion and excitement. Thank you. Ron
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
-
You are extremely kind; thank you for such an exceptional review. I am truly left speechless.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Kim definitely has a strong character! What an awful life she's had, starting from her father, the death of her baby and now learning that Richard is married.
Hope she makes it to Thailand.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
|
Kim definitely has a strong character! What an awful life she's had, starting from her father, the death of her baby and now learning that Richard is married.
Hope she makes it to Thailand.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
-
Thanks for a good review; I am glad you could empathize with Kim.
Comment from Pili Pubul
I am glad I had six stars left ,but I personally never count the stars. Alvin, I seldom review stories , I am so glad that recognizing your name I open this one even if I distrust my ability as a reviewer, I will tell you just my feelings. It is impossible for me to believe that this story is not real, I was aware of the great prejudice from all oriental of the mixed children, and their mistreatment, your descriptions are so clear that tears came to my eyes, easy to read and understand,no confusion anywhere. Astounding.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
|
I am glad I had six stars left ,but I personally never count the stars. Alvin, I seldom review stories , I am so glad that recognizing your name I open this one even if I distrust my ability as a reviewer, I will tell you just my feelings. It is impossible for me to believe that this story is not real, I was aware of the great prejudice from all oriental of the mixed children, and their mistreatment, your descriptions are so clear that tears came to my eyes, easy to read and understand,no confusion anywhere. Astounding.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
-
Thanks for an exceptional review; I truly appreciate it. I am glad my story is so powerful. I think you are a fine reviewer, and I always look forward to your reviews.
-
Thank you Alvin,I may start reading stories more.I know I commit errors ( must drive you nuts LOL) but my chemo sometimes affects my ability.
-
No, it doesn't drive me nuts. I used to teach college, so practically nothing drives me nuts. I didn't know you were undergoing chemo. How are you? You're welcome.
-
It is in my profile, I have Multiple Myeloma a blood cancer of the white cells in the bone marrow. I am stabilized , that is good since is not cure just treatment forever. Life is always a surprise ! In Spain we say "bad weed never die" so I am try to be bad, not easy LOL. My son is a prfessor of philosophy at John Hopkings, I wrote a poem about him, since he is learning disable , but whent to Princeton and Leuven. Neurologist told me he wouldn graduate from high school, great writer too.
-
I don't think I have read your profile. You have my thoughts and prayers. It looks like both you and your son are doing quite well for yourselves. I taught philosophy on the college level, as well. What is the name of the poem about your son?
-
Ijust posted it again, Dream , my son , dream.
Comment from lucyanne1977
Well done a good descriptive story. The struggles of a working woman. The story was easy to read and the flow was steady. I liked the wording used too.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
|
Well done a good descriptive story. The struggles of a working woman. The story was easy to read and the flow was steady. I liked the wording used too.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
-
Thanks for a good review; I truly appreciate it.
Comment from samandlancelot
Alvin,
It's interesting we both chose horror to tell a story about the beautiful picture. Very well written account of the horrors man inflicts on others.
from the well outdoors, (remove comma - dependent clause) and washed the dead baby's body
back of the small house, (remove comma) and buried her only
She came to one final time. She had survived so much in her life. She was a person, not a half-breed, not a round eye, not an almond eye, not a gook. She was on the path of right action. (I like this paragraph a lot. )
Patricia
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
|
Alvin,
It's interesting we both chose horror to tell a story about the beautiful picture. Very well written account of the horrors man inflicts on others.
from the well outdoors, (remove comma - dependent clause) and washed the dead baby's body
back of the small house, (remove comma) and buried her only
She came to one final time. She had survived so much in her life. She was a person, not a half-breed, not a round eye, not an almond eye, not a gook. She was on the path of right action. (I like this paragraph a lot. )
Patricia
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2010
-
Thank you for such a good review. Yes, I, too, was struck by the similarities. I shall consider your punctuation advice quite seriously. Thanks again.
