Valor
based on a true event33 total reviews
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I love stories of courage and those two pilots certainly gave a fair demonstration of it.
You recount the events so clearly that the reader is placed right in the middle of the battle, hearing the bullets whiz by, and tormented by the screams and moans of the dead and dying. It must have been horrendous, and I am not surprised that the awful memory has never left you.
Did you go back to the farm?
A well written story and a great rescue.
My best wishes for the competition.
Juliette
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2010
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I love stories of courage and those two pilots certainly gave a fair demonstration of it.
You recount the events so clearly that the reader is placed right in the middle of the battle, hearing the bullets whiz by, and tormented by the screams and moans of the dead and dying. It must have been horrendous, and I am not surprised that the awful memory has never left you.
Did you go back to the farm?
A well written story and a great rescue.
My best wishes for the competition.
Juliette
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2010
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Thank you so much, Juliette, for this wonderful rating and review. The story of Ia Drang has captivated me since I first read the book,"We Were Soldiers Once...and Young". I wrote this story in the first person to make it more personal and hopefully more believable. The battle and the pilot's stories are real, but the soldier was created by my imagination. Thank you for your comments and I'm glad the story made you feel like you were there. Thank you!
Comment from countess gram
What a story! It sends shivers down my spine. Thank you for serving this country and for keeping America free. Your story is well written and flows smoothly. The intense emotion is felt in every word. I understand what you went through. My husband was in Viet Nam for Tet and was wounded. He is 100% disabled.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2010
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What a story! It sends shivers down my spine. Thank you for serving this country and for keeping America free. Your story is well written and flows smoothly. The intense emotion is felt in every word. I understand what you went through. My husband was in Viet Nam for Tet and was wounded. He is 100% disabled.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2010
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Thank you so much, countess gram, for this wonderful rating and review. The story of Ia Drang has captivated me since I read the book,"We Were Soldiers Once...and Young". I wrote this story in the first person to make it more personal and hopefully more believable. The battle and the pilot's stories are real, but the soldier was created by my imagination. Thank you for your comments and I'm glad you felt the story was emotional. It's soldiers like your husband whose stories that move me so much. Thank you!
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You're welcome.
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Author,
I found this to be an interesting story about the battle in the Ia Drand Valley that began around 11 a.m. on Sunday, November 14th and ended near 7 a.m. on the 16th. As you mentioned, American causalties were very heavy.
Due to the extensive backstory, the passive nature of the language, and telling, rather than showing made this read more like a personal memoir than a story. The battle scene, which shd have been the most dramatic scene in the story just did not grab my interest. I mean no disrespect, but it didn't read like it was written by someone who had actually experienced combat in Vietnam. I didn't feel the heat, the suffocating red dust of the Ia Drang, the chronic roaring in your ears and throbbing headache from the constant small arms fires, air strikes, choppers in and out all day and well into the night. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
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Author,
I found this to be an interesting story about the battle in the Ia Drand Valley that began around 11 a.m. on Sunday, November 14th and ended near 7 a.m. on the 16th. As you mentioned, American causalties were very heavy.
Due to the extensive backstory, the passive nature of the language, and telling, rather than showing made this read more like a personal memoir than a story. The battle scene, which shd have been the most dramatic scene in the story just did not grab my interest. I mean no disrespect, but it didn't read like it was written by someone who had actually experienced combat in Vietnam. I didn't feel the heat, the suffocating red dust of the Ia Drang, the chronic roaring in your ears and throbbing headache from the constant small arms fires, air strikes, choppers in and out all day and well into the night. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
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Thank you so much, E.P., for taking the time to read this story and for your kind review and suggestions how to make it better. I tried to make the fiction part of this story as believeable as I could by utilizing real events and the two helicopter pilots, but I knew anyone who'd been there, would know from my words that I hadn't been at Ia Drang. Thanks so much, E.P. Your review means a lot to me. Thanks!
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Whenever you doubt yourself, just remember what I said about science fiction writers. That shd get you through it.
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I will! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me and your encouragement is appreciated more than you know. Thank you so much!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, a good story, i enjoyed reading your story, and the history behind it. thank you for your author notes. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, a good story, i enjoyed reading your story, and the history behind it. thank you for your author notes. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
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Thank you, sweetwoodjax, for your review and comments for this story. I appreciate your feedback. Thank you.
Comment from ROBbury
Wow! what an incredible story. Very griping.
This was very easy to read. You did a nice job of describing the danger and the bravery of those two pilots.
Good Luck in the contest.
ROB
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010
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Wow! what an incredible story. Very griping.
This was very easy to read. You did a nice job of describing the danger and the bravery of those two pilots.
Good Luck in the contest.
ROB
Comment Written 31-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your wonderful review and comments for the story, ROB. Thanks for reading and your good luck wishes. Thanks!
Comment from OpensoulTMHopkins
wow i read with eagarness wondering if you were going to get out of there.. i was wondering do to have the post stress stuff like my father keeps shoving in my face? he says the thigs he does is not his fault it s all b c of war its all messed me up but honestly he a major control freak if you dont do what he says when hes says it watch out then on top of it hes trying to tare my marriage up with my husband and we have no clue why he would do this n lately ive been sticking up to him something i never did when i was younger we were all afraid of him im at the point where i hate him i don't hate people but he makes it impossible..never lets you talk always cuts you off im so stressed he taking my car away b c i wanted to go sleep over my husbands b c he wont let him here the only reason im here is b c of my daughter she just started school n both my husband n i wont take her out so now we r living two diff places n it s killing me to be away from my husband not waking up to him i had a job but i lost that when my father kept coming to my job and then took the car away. yesterday he called the cops on me b c i started bitchin at him saying he had no right cutting the lock off my storage n now he s holding my stuff hostage untill i pay the 85$ he said we didnt pay.. just wonder if you thing hes a true soldier or just a complete fake! b c no military guy or woman i know would treat someone like this..
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2010
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wow i read with eagarness wondering if you were going to get out of there.. i was wondering do to have the post stress stuff like my father keeps shoving in my face? he says the thigs he does is not his fault it s all b c of war its all messed me up but honestly he a major control freak if you dont do what he says when hes says it watch out then on top of it hes trying to tare my marriage up with my husband and we have no clue why he would do this n lately ive been sticking up to him something i never did when i was younger we were all afraid of him im at the point where i hate him i don't hate people but he makes it impossible..never lets you talk always cuts you off im so stressed he taking my car away b c i wanted to go sleep over my husbands b c he wont let him here the only reason im here is b c of my daughter she just started school n both my husband n i wont take her out so now we r living two diff places n it s killing me to be away from my husband not waking up to him i had a job but i lost that when my father kept coming to my job and then took the car away. yesterday he called the cops on me b c i started bitchin at him saying he had no right cutting the lock off my storage n now he s holding my stuff hostage untill i pay the 85$ he said we didnt pay.. just wonder if you thing hes a true soldier or just a complete fake! b c no military guy or woman i know would treat someone like this..
Comment Written 31-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2010
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Thank you so much, OpensoulTMHopkins, for this incredible rating and review. The story of Ia Drang has captivated me since I read the book,"We Were Soldiers Once...and Young". I wrote this story in the first person to make it more personal and hopefully more believable. The battle and the pilot's stories are real, but the soldier was created by my imagination. Thank you for your comments and I'm glad the story moved you. I've heard many stories about soldiers who are unable to get the horror they witnessed and took part in out of heir heads...even after all this time. I'm sorry you're having troubles with your dad and hope it gets better for you.Thank you!
Comment from Pen&Ink
Thank you for writing this. You told the story excellently. It held my attention from start to finish. You used just enough acronyms to make it authentic, yet not bog down the reader who might not be acquainted with military jargon. I do have some suggestions for you to consider. They are minor points, but worthy of being pointed out. And, thank you for your service.
"? Forgetting their own safety, they risk their life to help a fellow soldier." Given the way you start and this paragraph, I think you should change this sentence to the singular. "Forgetting his own safety, he risks his life to help a fellow soldier."
"Breath-taking..." is either one word, or two words. No hyphen.
"7th Calvary" should be "7th Cavalry"
"to bring peace to a dying friend who(m) I loved." Objective case.
"Why was I alive? Was the question I asked myself, and God, over and over." Should be a lower case "w" on 'Was'
Ray
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010
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Thank you for writing this. You told the story excellently. It held my attention from start to finish. You used just enough acronyms to make it authentic, yet not bog down the reader who might not be acquainted with military jargon. I do have some suggestions for you to consider. They are minor points, but worthy of being pointed out. And, thank you for your service.
"? Forgetting their own safety, they risk their life to help a fellow soldier." Given the way you start and this paragraph, I think you should change this sentence to the singular. "Forgetting his own safety, he risks his life to help a fellow soldier."
"Breath-taking..." is either one word, or two words. No hyphen.
"7th Calvary" should be "7th Cavalry"
"to bring peace to a dying friend who(m) I loved." Objective case.
"Why was I alive? Was the question I asked myself, and God, over and over." Should be a lower case "w" on 'Was'
Ray
Comment Written 31-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010
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Thanks so much, Ray, for selecting my story to read and for your kind review and comments. Thank you for your help in finding my writing mistakes and offering your suggestions to make it better. (I can't believe I spelled Cavalry as Calvary!!) The story of Ia Drang has fascinated me since I first read the book "We Were Soldiers Once ... And Young" in '92. I thought the story in first person would make it more readable. Thanks so much!
Comment from jknc
My father-in-law was a Marine in Vietnam. He lost both legs to a land mine. He was awarded a Silver Star.
I was a history major in college.
The combination of those two factors had me crying all through this story.
Thank you so much for all you did during your time in the military.
And thank you again for posting this story here.
It really puts alot of things into perspective.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010
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My father-in-law was a Marine in Vietnam. He lost both legs to a land mine. He was awarded a Silver Star.
I was a history major in college.
The combination of those two factors had me crying all through this story.
Thank you so much for all you did during your time in the military.
And thank you again for posting this story here.
It really puts alot of things into perspective.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010
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jknc ... thank you so much for this wonderful review and your comments for my story. I became captivated by the story of Ia Drang Valley when I read the book "We Were Soldiers Once ... And Young" in '92. The story of the heroes and their selfless acts of courage continue to amaze and inspire me. Thank you for your kind comments and taking the time to read. Thanks!
Comment from ThomasDennisC
Wow! an exceptional piece. Had me on edge throughout.
1. You kept my attention from start to finish.
2. excellent use of research material; for structure and clarification.
3. Good usage of dialogue
Keep up the good work.
restlesspen
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010
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Wow! an exceptional piece. Had me on edge throughout.
1. You kept my attention from start to finish.
2. excellent use of research material; for structure and clarification.
3. Good usage of dialogue
Keep up the good work.
restlesspen
Comment Written 31-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010
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Thank you, restlesspen, for reading the story and for your wonderful review. I appreciate your kind comments and encouragement. Thanks!
Comment from adewpearl
they risk their life - they risk their lives
You tell this story of bravery and sacrifice in a most moving way - your story certainly fits the contest theme of Rescue perfectly. You have an engaging narrative voice and describe things in vivid detail, with a genuine emotion that rings true. Good luck in the contest. Brooke
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010
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they risk their life - they risk their lives
You tell this story of bravery and sacrifice in a most moving way - your story certainly fits the contest theme of Rescue perfectly. You have an engaging narrative voice and describe things in vivid detail, with a genuine emotion that rings true. Good luck in the contest. Brooke
Comment Written 31-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2010
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Thanks, Brooke, for your kind review and for catching my goof. I always appreciate your encouraging comments and thanks for your best wishes. Thank you.
