The Fall and Rise of The Child
A voice of light will lull them16 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
As always, Mike, a story worth pondering and reading at least a couple of times - ply his trade for lust and hate-spawned fans - ominous tones, my friend and excellent word choices - sacraments of vicious needs, blood and vice and avarice-soaked ploys - makes the redemptive ending all the more miraculous. Good luck in the story poem contest with a most fascinating tale. Brooke
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2010
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As always, Mike, a story worth pondering and reading at least a couple of times - ply his trade for lust and hate-spawned fans - ominous tones, my friend and excellent word choices - sacraments of vicious needs, blood and vice and avarice-soaked ploys - makes the redemptive ending all the more miraculous. Good luck in the story poem contest with a most fascinating tale. Brooke
Comment Written 23-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2010
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Thank you, Brooke :-). This was a real last-minute rush job, but I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out. I let the dark phrases out of the cupboard a little!
Mike
Comment from patmedium
Well, yet another deep, wretchedly dark tale from our Mike.
Congratulations. You certainly have given me pause for thought and some amazing mental images. Pat.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2010
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Well, yet another deep, wretchedly dark tale from our Mike.
Congratulations. You certainly have given me pause for thought and some amazing mental images. Pat.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2010
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Thank you, Pat :-). Yes, I seem to be writing a lot of dark at the moment. Once the Wandering man has ambled away from my unconscious, perhaps I shall dedicate a few poems to the pretty emotions in life!
Mike
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Don't worry about it, Mike ... go with the flow! Chill out ... I was NOT criticising. xxx
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Hey, I know you weren't, Pat. I really would like to write some happier poetry. Sorry if I sounded aggressive ;-) xx
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No, you sounded henpecked, not agressive, friend! LOL.
Comment from Hitcher
You packed a lot into this little offering Mike, I've had to read it a couple of time to wrap my head around all your delicious stanzas, and every time I read it it just keeps getting better mate. I've got nothing up my sleeve for this contest, no time, which is just as well because you have a great chance with this one mate, a great chance! You know I'd six you if I could Mike, BUT I can't...Damn, I think I'm going to read it again :)
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2010
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You packed a lot into this little offering Mike, I've had to read it a couple of time to wrap my head around all your delicious stanzas, and every time I read it it just keeps getting better mate. I've got nothing up my sleeve for this contest, no time, which is just as well because you have a great chance with this one mate, a great chance! You know I'd six you if I could Mike, BUT I can't...Damn, I think I'm going to read it again :)
Comment Written 23-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2010
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Cheers, Hitch! I really appreciate it mate. I wrote this on the loo at work on deadline day, having already assumed I'd missed the contest. I'd have loved to pen an epic, but time constraints meant I squeezed all my ideas down into these two sonnets, and I reckon that was a good thing because they are tight with pregnant lines as a result. I thought you'd like this one :-)
Mike
Comment from jadapenn
Awesome presentation with this dark one. Sounds like Adam Lambert singing - hey, his my favourite male singer lately. lol. I loved the activity in this smooth flowing and rhyming poem. Well penned. I enjoyed. Wish I could write more "dark". luv jada
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Awesome presentation with this dark one. Sounds like Adam Lambert singing - hey, his my favourite male singer lately. lol. I loved the activity in this smooth flowing and rhyming poem. Well penned. I enjoyed. Wish I could write more "dark". luv jada
Comment Written 21-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Thanks, Jada :-). I love coming up with twisted phrases and sinister imagery, so much so that I sometimes catch myself taking happy poems down altogether unsuitable alleyways! So glad you enjoyed it :-)
Mike
Comment from mtngalofnc
Hi Fleedleflump,
Your story/poem is very interesting and the rhyme and rhythm reads beautifully rising from the shadows of darkness to a brighter hope of a new day. Exceptional write and I do wish I had those 6 stars, but sadly I don't. I wish you the best in this contest and thank you for sharing.
Becky
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Hi Fleedleflump,
Your story/poem is very interesting and the rhyme and rhythm reads beautifully rising from the shadows of darkness to a brighter hope of a new day. Exceptional write and I do wish I had those 6 stars, but sadly I don't. I wish you the best in this contest and thank you for sharing.
Becky
Comment Written 21-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Thank you, Becky :-). Who needs six stars when a review is so lovely! I'm so glad you enjoyed my poem; I love telling stories in verse.
Mike
Comment from Rasp E
One of our few redeeming qualities is the fact that we believe in redemption. :) And hopefully humans will eventually believe in forgiveness too - real forgiveness. Ah well, I digress.
You made me think, so obviously the poem is good. You use language so musically. It's rare for me to like formal poetry so well, being a free verse sort of gal, myself. (Minus the occasional romp into villanelle and terza rima.)But, there's an exception to every rule - and the fact that your poetry is always so thoughtful and meaningful, in addition to well-written, puts you firmly in that category. So. Good luck in the contest. And in the meantime, a toast to redemption.
E
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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One of our few redeeming qualities is the fact that we believe in redemption. :) And hopefully humans will eventually believe in forgiveness too - real forgiveness. Ah well, I digress.
You made me think, so obviously the poem is good. You use language so musically. It's rare for me to like formal poetry so well, being a free verse sort of gal, myself. (Minus the occasional romp into villanelle and terza rima.)But, there's an exception to every rule - and the fact that your poetry is always so thoughtful and meaningful, in addition to well-written, puts you firmly in that category. So. Good luck in the contest. And in the meantime, a toast to redemption.
E
Comment Written 20-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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My cardinal rule when writing poetry is that the form is a slave to the content, not the other way around. The form must add something, otherwise it's just a vain restriction. In this case, the sonnet lends the olde worlde gravitas I was angling for, and I mirrored it to represent the turn from fall to rise.
I think most of the very best poems are free verse. Many on site seem frightened or suspicious of it, but to me it's the only real way to write poetry as art rsther than craft, and the only way to maintain complete control over every aspect of the work.
Look at me, waffling again! Thank you for the complimentary and thought-inducing review, Erica.
To redemption indeed!
Mike
Comment from Sasha
This almost went over my head but after reading it several times I must say I am completely enthralled by it. You told a fascinating and dark story that emerged triumphant in the end. What a terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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This almost went over my head but after reading it several times I must say I am completely enthralled by it. You told a fascinating and dark story that emerged triumphant in the end. What a terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Thank you, Smurphgirl :-)
I really packed in the tricks in this one; I wanted to tell a story without going on too long, so I chose to write dense. That does, of course, make it a more challenging read, but one of my favourite things about poetry is that you can break out every trick in the book, because interpretation is half the fun. I'm so glad you enjoyed this one; it was a real last moment spurt for the contest, which I'd come to assume I would miss.
Mike
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, an enjoyable read about the battle of good versus evil. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, an enjoyable read about the battle of good versus evil. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 20-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Thank you, SWJ :-). I had a very short space of time to write this in; hence the dense language. So glad you enjoyed the read!
Mike
Comment from MikiB
Excellent writing here on this poem on the Rise and Fall of a Child. No picture was chosen for it. But it is a very well thought out writing.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Excellent writing here on this poem on the Rise and Fall of a Child. No picture was chosen for it. But it is a very well thought out writing.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Thank you, MikiB :-). I really appreciate your time taken to read and review.
Mike
Comment from Domino
Hi, Mike - did your cat in the picture write your notes to a brave biting mouse? Oh no, sorry - that's a 'tail'. I always have to check those two, seriously.
This is a wonderful double sonnet with the ingenuity of back to back couplets.
A wonderful deep and mysterious TALE with rich language in perfect rhyme (some perfectly slant) and meter. You're a natural sonneteer apart from a fun free verser. As usual you make the reader think. This is masterful and well worth my sixer, Mike.
Ray xx
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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Hi, Mike - did your cat in the picture write your notes to a brave biting mouse? Oh no, sorry - that's a 'tail'. I always have to check those two, seriously.
This is a wonderful double sonnet with the ingenuity of back to back couplets.
A wonderful deep and mysterious TALE with rich language in perfect rhyme (some perfectly slant) and meter. You're a natural sonneteer apart from a fun free verser. As usual you make the reader think. This is masterful and well worth my sixer, Mike.
Ray xx
Comment Written 20-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2010
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My pussy has played host to some tall, tall tales, and no mistake. I let her write those though!
I take this as a huge compliment, Ray. I actually thought I'd miss this contest but a last minute flash of inspiration on the loo (true) gave birth to this and I scribbled it out for submission.
I've been writing an epic story over ten chapters, entirely in abcb iambics, so I've been getting lots of practice in for this sort of thing!
Cheers, Ray. It's really appreciated, mate.
Mike
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Your epic iambic stoty souinds some undertaking, Mike, and something I thought about in the past, but I haven't a patch on your imagination and story-telling skills.
Did you ever finish 'Bran' and try to get it published. I thought that exceptional though I've made a promise to myself I won't review any prose (unless really short) as it takes so much time to do properly.
Ray xx
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Bran (now called Bran's Torment) is complete at 120,000 words (finished it in February) and is currently with an agent for consideration. I'm steeling myself for the succession of rejection letters!
I totally get what you say about prose. I only used to review Babylonia's prose, but she's not been posting for a few months. Now it's the occasional Rama Devi story and the chapters from Mastery's book.
Are you beavering away on any projects? I heard rumour you were writing a book of your own.
Mike
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I sure wish you deserved success with 'Bran's Torment', Mike. Jut in fun - it sounds like food poisoning caught from eating cereal, LOL. Seriously, it's very catchy!
Only ONE agent? Maybe more, though I know how time-consuming and expensive it is to multiple-submit. Not that I've tried much.
I'm currently writing a jont poetry book with Joyce ('jshep'). She entered out 1st one in a coupla contests and submitted to various publishers though we haven't even had a rejection letter so far. Maybe they're having a contract bidding auction before replying? Haha.
I started writing a sort of biography and really enjoyed doing so (about 30,000 words so far) but run out of steam, ideas and interest when I realised what a boring life I'd led and my imagination was incapable of fictioning it up with more interest. Oh well, maybe I'll continue it when I've climbed Everest, swum the Atlantic ans solo'd to the moon without oxygen and using only my ears for propulsion, LOL.
All the best, Ray xx
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I was trying to be a good boy; convention seems to dictate it's not the 'done thing' to submit to more than one at once...
I wouldn't know where to start, publishing poetry. I'd have thought it's a very difficult market. Mind you, that goes for any writing I guess!
Judian James and I have vague plans to do a book together, which could be interesting.
How long were you a cabby for, mate? I bet that's a goldmine of anecdotes and funny stories.
Mike
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Don't worry about being 'good', Mike. They only say that cos they're selfish. They know writers multi-submit but how can they find out for sure? No point in waiting months for one rejection when you can have your stuff read by many at the same time, IMO.
I was a cabbie for ten years, though nothing exciting much happened. It was a hard and stressful existance with little reward in Surrey where I worked. I ended up having a nervous breakdown after a tax investigation. That's why I packed my bags and moved to the south coast. I don't miss the old Carshalton stomping ground even though my life here is pretty boring.
Ray xx
