Who's Stalking Whom?
Vampire Prompt Entry58 total reviews
Comment from Antoine Charlemaine
Just saw this, Nor! I know it's old but it's worth a review. It's also worth a sixth star, but I'm out. I love this! You kept me guessing right to the end. I didn't read the story prompt until afterwards, either. Very ingenious. Excellently written and constructed. I knew something was going to happen, but this was right out of left field! Well done.
Anthony
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Just saw this, Nor! I know it's old but it's worth a review. It's also worth a sixth star, but I'm out. I love this! You kept me guessing right to the end. I didn't read the story prompt until afterwards, either. Very ingenious. Excellently written and constructed. I knew something was going to happen, but this was right out of left field! Well done.
Anthony
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Thanks, Anthony. I'm not usually good at surprise endings, but I believe I thought of the end line first. Glad you liked it. I appreciate that you read it for two cents!
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No worries, Nor. It was an entertaining read. I read it 'cause I like your writing... :)
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good and scary story with great imagery I'm not very good at horror storie. A well written piece and it was entertaining. Thanks Mary
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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A good and scary story with great imagery I'm not very good at horror storie. A well written piece and it was entertaining. Thanks Mary
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Hello, Mary Ann. It wasn't really scarey. I'm not good at writing horror either. Had fun with this one. Thanks for reading.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Oh my, this is great. I was not at all expecting the ending. I thought he would kill her. Very skilled writing which surprises the reader at the end. Thanks for reposting this. It is a great piece~Debbie
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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Oh my, this is great. I was not at all expecting the ending. I thought he would kill her. Very skilled writing which surprises the reader at the end. Thanks for reposting this. It is a great piece~Debbie
Comment Written 23-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2014
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thanks again, Debbie.
Comment from jpduck
Absolutely wonderful. I didn't see that coming despite the photo which should have been a spoiler. A faultless piece of writing.
I'm going to add you to my Following list. And now I just have to hope that the FanStory computer doesn't reject this as not being a proper review on the grounds that it is too short (stupid thing!). I should have done enough.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Absolutely wonderful. I didn't see that coming despite the photo which should have been a spoiler. A faultless piece of writing.
I'm going to add you to my Following list. And now I just have to hope that the FanStory computer doesn't reject this as not being a proper review on the grounds that it is too short (stupid thing!). I should have done enough.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hello, JP. Glad you liked this one, and thanks again.
Comment from michaelcahill
Hahaha! That was most clever. I should have guessed, but it was too smooth. A great twist and it wasn't a trick. It followed perfectly from everything that happened. You just misdirected us to the very last sentence! This is a teeny thing, but I would add an "A" to his last name, Papadopoulas. Sounds better, no? Must be pretty darn good if all I have to suggest is a letter!! :)) mikey
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hahaha! That was most clever. I should have guessed, but it was too smooth. A great twist and it wasn't a trick. It followed perfectly from everything that happened. You just misdirected us to the very last sentence! This is a teeny thing, but I would add an "A" to his last name, Papadopoulas. Sounds better, no? Must be pretty darn good if all I have to suggest is a letter!! :)) mikey
Comment Written 22-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2014
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Hi, Mikey. Wrote this in 2010 and just re-promoted it for Halloween. Should have written something new, I suppose, and I keep looking at that gothic prompt, but don't think I have time to do it justice.
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I was looking at it too. I never wrote anything gothic. It's a ten buck entry fee, but no one seems to want to enter that or anything else for that matter. Only one in my contest. An easy one too. Lots of good prompts. These people are idiots. They cry about the prompts, then they keep entering the same worn out ones and ignore the interesting new ones. The one you just sponsored should have filled up. A natural for prose writers. Write a story. Isn't that what we do? :)
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I think a lot of the "writers" on the site don't know that, or we'd actually see characters with names who have conflict with one another. I've even seen stories written from a "they" point of view. Readers can't care about a pronoun, and if the reader doesn't care... well, you know. Dead in the water...
Gothic is ... well a young woman is employed by a man, usually older but not old. She's young, a governess for his motherless children. Something spooky happens. Usually he seems to be the villain but isn't. She tries to escape... That kind of stuff. You could modernize it a bit. Think Jayne Eyre, Rebecca, that sort of story or maybe paranormal romance or strictly vampire or werewolf.
Comment from PatVallesMangan
Wow! I knew trouble was coming but the ending was a bit of a surprise and the bluntness of her announcement of dinner was so "normal," as if she's just gotten home from the local supermarket! The story definitely keeps your interest and we are not sure which way it's going to go! Very nice! You followed the prompt well!
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Wow! I knew trouble was coming but the ending was a bit of a surprise and the bluntness of her announcement of dinner was so "normal," as if she's just gotten home from the local supermarket! The story definitely keeps your interest and we are not sure which way it's going to go! Very nice! You followed the prompt well!
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Glad you liked this little bit of fun, Pat. Thanks for reviewing and reading.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Woo hoo! Love it. Didn't see the end coming. In fact, I thought the Adonis was the vampire.
Great punch line at the end, Nor. Not surprised this one took the trophy.
Av
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Woo hoo! Love it. Didn't see the end coming. In fact, I thought the Adonis was the vampire.
Great punch line at the end, Nor. Not surprised this one took the trophy.
Av
Comment Written 21-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2014
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Hope you're reading the new Hans chapter I posted last night. This one was just a bit of fun for Halloween, an old thing from 2010. I had fun writing both of them.
Nor
Comment from hvysmker
I saw no errors, Nor, though I'd have liked to see how the impact happened. The character's driving along, then, out of nowhere, an accident has already happened.
It was an unexpected ending.
Charlie
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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I saw no errors, Nor, though I'd have liked to see how the impact happened. The character's driving along, then, out of nowhere, an accident has already happened.
It was an unexpected ending.
Charlie
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Yeah, I had fun with it. Just re-promoted for Halloween. Written in 2010, so I'm sure you've seen it before, but maybe not. Thanks, as always.
Comment from patcelaw
This is a delightful story and the punch at the end is terrific. Nice piece ow writing. it held my interest and was easy yo read. Good luck in the contest. Blessings Pat
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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This is a delightful story and the punch at the end is terrific. Nice piece ow writing. it held my interest and was easy yo read. Good luck in the contest. Blessings Pat
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Glad you liked it, Pat. thanks for reviewing.
Comment from Metal Head
Hi there Nor. Not been an active member for a while but I've just upgraded again for the time being. I got an email notification regarding this tale of yours so here I am. As I always say, what follows are only my personal opinions which you, of course, are free to use, adapt or ignore as you see fit. I haven't reviewed in ages so I might be a tad rusty, but there's only one way to know for sure. Again, as always, if I refer to you I mean the narrator as this has been written in the first person.
Here goes
'I glance in my rear view mirror and see the little white Honda, just as I've seen it for the past three nights. Twice might be coincidence, but a third time?'...If you've seen it for the past three nights then tonight would be the fourth time
'I draw in a deep breath and move into the right lane. So does the other car. The off-ramp for Seventh Street is a quarter mile ahead and as the white car pulls in front of me,'...This bit made me pause for a second as you'd just told us how you'd pulled into the right lane, and so had the Honda, but we'd just been told you were looking at it in the mirror so it must still be behind you. Maybe you could try something like...I draw in a deep breath and move into the right lane, lifting off the throttle slightly to slow down. The Honda passes then pulls in front of me, and in the glow of my headlights etc...
"Something ran in front of me, and I must have hit the brake."...Surely he'd know that he's hit the brake. 'must have' suggests he's not sure.
That's it for specifics. Generally I'd have thought Don would know at least some details of the origins of his name due to its unusualness.
Also, finding out the narrator was a female took me by surprise. '...thinking the something in question might be my fist'...was probably what tipped me towards assuming you were male. It just seems like such an un-lady like thing to think, especially considering she's so comfortably in her sensuality, which she seems well practised in using to her advantage.
I hope I've made sense, and that I've not stepped on any toes etc. If any of the above proves useful I'll be most pleased.
Regards
Michael D
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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Hi there Nor. Not been an active member for a while but I've just upgraded again for the time being. I got an email notification regarding this tale of yours so here I am. As I always say, what follows are only my personal opinions which you, of course, are free to use, adapt or ignore as you see fit. I haven't reviewed in ages so I might be a tad rusty, but there's only one way to know for sure. Again, as always, if I refer to you I mean the narrator as this has been written in the first person.
Here goes
'I glance in my rear view mirror and see the little white Honda, just as I've seen it for the past three nights. Twice might be coincidence, but a third time?'...If you've seen it for the past three nights then tonight would be the fourth time
'I draw in a deep breath and move into the right lane. So does the other car. The off-ramp for Seventh Street is a quarter mile ahead and as the white car pulls in front of me,'...This bit made me pause for a second as you'd just told us how you'd pulled into the right lane, and so had the Honda, but we'd just been told you were looking at it in the mirror so it must still be behind you. Maybe you could try something like...I draw in a deep breath and move into the right lane, lifting off the throttle slightly to slow down. The Honda passes then pulls in front of me, and in the glow of my headlights etc...
"Something ran in front of me, and I must have hit the brake."...Surely he'd know that he's hit the brake. 'must have' suggests he's not sure.
That's it for specifics. Generally I'd have thought Don would know at least some details of the origins of his name due to its unusualness.
Also, finding out the narrator was a female took me by surprise. '...thinking the something in question might be my fist'...was probably what tipped me towards assuming you were male. It just seems like such an un-lady like thing to think, especially considering she's so comfortably in her sensuality, which she seems well practised in using to her advantage.
I hope I've made sense, and that I've not stepped on any toes etc. If any of the above proves useful I'll be most pleased.
Regards
Michael D
Comment Written 20-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2014
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My toes aren't easily stepped on, Michael. This story is a re-promotion of a contest winner from 2010. With some revision, it was published, so it's going back to bed in my portfolio. Just didn't want to write something new for Halloween. Good to have you back! I appreciate the read.
