Dark Chocolate with Liqueur Centres
A delicious lifestyle20 total reviews
Comment from udallsc
Very well done. I loved the descriptions of nature in Tasmania and the sensation of savoring the chocolates. One does not chew chocolate, but you knew that. It melts in the mouth and it's complex flavors excite every aspect of the brain as it oozes down the throat. Thank you. --Stan
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Very well done. I loved the descriptions of nature in Tasmania and the sensation of savoring the chocolates. One does not chew chocolate, but you knew that. It melts in the mouth and it's complex flavors excite every aspect of the brain as it oozes down the throat. Thank you. --Stan
Comment Written 10-Mar-2018
Comment from m-alexander
As a lover of chocolate, this definitely called out to me. Beautiful and rich description. I could definitely taste that in my mind.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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As a lover of chocolate, this definitely called out to me. Beautiful and rich description. I could definitely taste that in my mind.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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Thank you, for your lovely review and generous rating, my friend. Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment from amada
You are my kind of gal. This is exactly the chocolates I like, with the liquor stuff, or else what is the fun of it?
I like to crunch my teeth and extract the sweet and delectable liquor. Congratulations in winning the contest!
reply by the author on 31-May-2010
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You are my kind of gal. This is exactly the chocolates I like, with the liquor stuff, or else what is the fun of it?
I like to crunch my teeth and extract the sweet and delectable liquor. Congratulations in winning the contest!
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 31-May-2010
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Amada, you have a great taste, ah, yes, it is only breakfast time now, and my mouth waters as I think of these delicious chocolates. LOL :o)
Thank you for the congratulations - it was a thrill to win.
Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment from adewpearl
a rock pool in Tasmania's rainforest - that sounds like Heaven on Earth, Marijke
The trees, the birds, the creatures, the water, dolphins, chocolates - you have me in dreamland here :-) What a paradise you create with your vivid descriptions. Brooke
reply by the author on 29-May-2010
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a rock pool in Tasmania's rainforest - that sounds like Heaven on Earth, Marijke
The trees, the birds, the creatures, the water, dolphins, chocolates - you have me in dreamland here :-) What a paradise you create with your vivid descriptions. Brooke
Comment Written 29-May-2010
reply by the author on 29-May-2010
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Thank you so much Brooke, I enjoyed writing this. Got a bit carried away. But, yes, we have all these here in Tasmania. Pleased you enjoyed. Warmest regards, my friend. Marijke
Comment from MizKat
finona - Your story about life being like a box of chocolates is wonderful. Your descriptive writing is superb. Congratualtions on winning the contest. Kat
reply by the author on 29-May-2010
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finona - Your story about life being like a box of chocolates is wonderful. Your descriptive writing is superb. Congratualtions on winning the contest. Kat
Comment Written 29-May-2010
reply by the author on 29-May-2010
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Thank you so much Kat, the win was a pleasant surprise. I appreciate your warm and generous review and congratulations, my friend. Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, a good storyline that was intriguing and is a good entry into the contest. i wish you the best of luck in that
reply by the author on 29-May-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, a good storyline that was intriguing and is a good entry into the contest. i wish you the best of luck in that
Comment Written 29-May-2010
reply by the author on 29-May-2010
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Thank you so much, my friend. I enjoyed writing this and sharing my beautiful home state in Australia at the same time. Warmest regards
Comment from suneagle
Ah, my dear Tasmanian friend who shall remain nameless, this is couched in beautiful descriptive terms. An entertaining and enjoyable advertisement for chocolates and a travelogue about the delights of the Tamar Valley.
I've noted a number of suggestions and adjustments that you may like to consider:
Its shafts of light create a natural wonderland, a place of beauty and serenity.
(I suggest you delete the pronoun "Its". Grammatically it seems to be referring to the "huge green man-ferns". Is that what you meant? In my opinion you could simply write:
Shafts of light create a natural wonderland, a place of beauty and serenity.)
The sound of native birds [provides] music to accompany the chocolates and the bottle of sweet Dessert Riesling,
(You either write: sound provides; or: sounds provide. [The plural "birds" has nothing to do with it in that context.])
A gentle breeze rustles the fronts and trees,
(Not sure what you mean by "fronts" there. Should it read: fronds [as in palm fronds].)
The ocean stretches to the horizon, the colour of Blue Curacao liqueur.
(The phrase "the colour of" is becoming repetitive. It would be better to use some variety of expression. What about metaphor? For example:
The Blue Curacao ocean stretches to the horizon.
Or, a simple simile? For example:
The ocean stretches to the horizon, like Blue Curacao liqueur.)
Peeling away the foil I wrap my lips around the chocolate and savour the taste of its cherry liqueur centre,
(The reader knows you are talking about taste, hence you could write:
Peeling away the foil I wrap my lips around the chocolate and savour the cherry liqueur centre,)
The combination of the dark chocolate and the liqueur [is] exquisite.
In the sky, small clouds gently sway,
("sway" means to swing to and fro. Would the clouds really do that--like they were attached to a pendulum?)
It is now completely still[,] except for the sound of the waterfall.
Like the [chocolate box], the forest feels deserted.
(You should compare apples with apples.)
Each cloud [is] now like the centre of the liqueur chocolates, soft and ready to drip.
***
I trust I've been helpful.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Ah, my dear Tasmanian friend who shall remain nameless, this is couched in beautiful descriptive terms. An entertaining and enjoyable advertisement for chocolates and a travelogue about the delights of the Tamar Valley.
I've noted a number of suggestions and adjustments that you may like to consider:
Its shafts of light create a natural wonderland, a place of beauty and serenity.
(I suggest you delete the pronoun "Its". Grammatically it seems to be referring to the "huge green man-ferns". Is that what you meant? In my opinion you could simply write:
Shafts of light create a natural wonderland, a place of beauty and serenity.)
The sound of native birds [provides] music to accompany the chocolates and the bottle of sweet Dessert Riesling,
(You either write: sound provides; or: sounds provide. [The plural "birds" has nothing to do with it in that context.])
A gentle breeze rustles the fronts and trees,
(Not sure what you mean by "fronts" there. Should it read: fronds [as in palm fronds].)
The ocean stretches to the horizon, the colour of Blue Curacao liqueur.
(The phrase "the colour of" is becoming repetitive. It would be better to use some variety of expression. What about metaphor? For example:
The Blue Curacao ocean stretches to the horizon.
Or, a simple simile? For example:
The ocean stretches to the horizon, like Blue Curacao liqueur.)
Peeling away the foil I wrap my lips around the chocolate and savour the taste of its cherry liqueur centre,
(The reader knows you are talking about taste, hence you could write:
Peeling away the foil I wrap my lips around the chocolate and savour the cherry liqueur centre,)
The combination of the dark chocolate and the liqueur [is] exquisite.
In the sky, small clouds gently sway,
("sway" means to swing to and fro. Would the clouds really do that--like they were attached to a pendulum?)
It is now completely still[,] except for the sound of the waterfall.
Like the [chocolate box], the forest feels deserted.
(You should compare apples with apples.)
Each cloud [is] now like the centre of the liqueur chocolates, soft and ready to drip.
***
I trust I've been helpful.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Hi Les, and yes, thank you, you have been very helpful (as always). I have made the changes, and agree with each one of them. Reworded a couple of things (I now have the clouds 'floating' in the sky.). Thanks for your support, my friend. Warmest regards.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Author, I would like to be the dark chocolate with liqueur inside, metaphorically speaking. In real life, I would like to be your neighbor in Tasmania, sharing all you're enjoying now. Lovely answer to the challenge.
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Hi, Author, I would like to be the dark chocolate with liqueur inside, metaphorically speaking. In real life, I would like to be your neighbor in Tasmania, sharing all you're enjoying now. Lovely answer to the challenge.
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Thank you Belinda. I appreciate your fun and generous review to this indulgence. Warmest regards.
Comment from koyoga
Chocolate, Tsamania rain forest and wine ~ a delicious
entry into the Life is Like a Box of Chocolates contest.
Very relaxed feel to this piece, much like what I think
of when I savor chocolate.
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Chocolate, Tsamania rain forest and wine ~ a delicious
entry into the Life is Like a Box of Chocolates contest.
Very relaxed feel to this piece, much like what I think
of when I savor chocolate.
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Thank you so much koyoga, for that lovely review and those generous stars. I enjoyed writing this. Had to remind myself to open my eyes and not get carried away too much - difficult to type with eyes closes!LOL :) Warmest regards.
Comment from Gideon Roth
I immediately had thoughts of Forrest Gump. You did an excellent job with this and complied with your objective and requirements. Excellent work...Gideon
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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I immediately had thoughts of Forrest Gump. You did an excellent job with this and complied with your objective and requirements. Excellent work...Gideon
Comment Written 28-May-2010
reply by the author on 28-May-2010
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Thank you so much Gideoan, for that lovely review and those generous stars. I enjoyed writing this. Had to remind myself to open my eyes and not get carried away too much - difficult to type with eyes closes!LOL :) Warmest regards.
