I Hereby Crown Thee ...
A collection of crowns of sonnets45 total reviews
Comment from whizpurr ^-^
Rating of Chapter 5 - A Dream of Droll Dichotomy's Design
Oh my goodness, Mike, the quality of these crown sonnets is so amazingly high and yours ranks right up there with the best. I, too, am thankful to Yeltel for sponsoring such a contest and for giving us a chance to really appreciate talented poets like yourself. Thanks for sharing your wonderful work. It is extremely well written and I loved the theme and the spot on vocabulary. Sincere good wishes for the contest and many thanks for favoring us with your entry. Warm regards, W ^-^
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Oh my goodness, Mike, the quality of these crown sonnets is so amazingly high and yours ranks right up there with the best. I, too, am thankful to Yeltel for sponsoring such a contest and for giving us a chance to really appreciate talented poets like yourself. Thanks for sharing your wonderful work. It is extremely well written and I loved the theme and the spot on vocabulary. Sincere good wishes for the contest and many thanks for favoring us with your entry. Warm regards, W ^-^
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much, Whiz :-). I have read your piece, as I have the others, but am still going back through and leaving comments. It's a bit of a barrage of words when you read a load of these in a row!
I'm so glad you enjoyed this piece. I really just let my muse go with this one, and followed along with my pen.
Mike
Comment from Sally Carter
Rating of Chapter 5 - A Dream of Droll Dichotomy's Design
Fantastic rhyme and meter throughout; when read aloud the words roll off the tongue, and some of those words are mgnificent indeed. Many multi syllable words skilfully woven through each poem/stanza.
I have to hold my hands up and say that the content of your poem, for the large part, had me scratching my head. Every line, every phrase made sense, but when I put them all together I'm afraid the message passed me by.
I'm willing to concede this may be intellectual laziness on my part, since I am a reader/writer who likes to be hit between the eyes, and I can see that some of our most talented poets on site have a quite different view from me.
So please just take this as a subjective discussion, since I cannot fault the skill of your penmanship and the way you handle language.
My best wishes to you in the voting.
Yours
Sally
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
 |
Fantastic rhyme and meter throughout; when read aloud the words roll off the tongue, and some of those words are mgnificent indeed. Many multi syllable words skilfully woven through each poem/stanza.
I have to hold my hands up and say that the content of your poem, for the large part, had me scratching my head. Every line, every phrase made sense, but when I put them all together I'm afraid the message passed me by.
I'm willing to concede this may be intellectual laziness on my part, since I am a reader/writer who likes to be hit between the eyes, and I can see that some of our most talented poets on site have a quite different view from me.
So please just take this as a subjective discussion, since I cannot fault the skill of your penmanship and the way you handle language.
My best wishes to you in the voting.
Yours
Sally
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much, Sally :-). I am often criticised for being too obscure, so it's not you - it's just my love of long words and twisty linguistics. It's good that I know - it reminds me to not go any further down that style path! I'm so happy you enjoyed the read overall :-).
Mike
Comment from sgalletti
Rating of Chapter 5 - A Dream of Droll Dichotomy's Design
Hello, dear friend Mike!
I have always known we are kindred souls. Of course, I absolutely love this magnificently crafted rant.
First, a cut and paste to all of the contributors in this contest (then, I'm off to reviewing yours personally and individually):
To all of you:
"I admire your fortitude and perseverence so much! In my humble opinion, this contest sponsored by Yeltel is, by far, the most challenging and of highest quality, on this site. Having created two Crowns in the past ("I'll Sin For You Until I Die" and a lighter "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs") I know and appreciate how much time and creative energy goes into producing these magnificent pieces of writing. I tried my best. I could not muster it up. And, so, I gladly forfeit my $25 to the winner who persevered.
My review of your piece (yes, I read every verse) will not concentrate on repeating end rhymes, as I know from experience that Yeltel and others will take care of that in advance. Kudos to Yeltel for being a responsible contest sponsor.
I will, instead, focus on content, iambic meter, vivid imagery, and a holistic message.
Best to all of you in this contest."
Ok, dear Mike:
You grabbed me at "emulsifying". Your vocabulary (I won't list all the words) is indeed mesmerizing.
"If find wry soliloquies conform/to bind us in subservience to stars." Oh my, oh my!
"to effervesce in nature's bubbling pot/and understand the beauty of the bomb." Fabulous!
You even got the iambic meter correct in the line that tempts one to not accept it: "who work towards that perfect match's grasp." (I loved it!)
Thank you for the extra treat of the musical accompaniment.
Enjambment was perfect. Message is one which you know I subscribe to. Execution was wonderful. I am very impressed! But, I did not expect any less from you, my friend!
Hugs, Sue
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
|
Hello, dear friend Mike!
I have always known we are kindred souls. Of course, I absolutely love this magnificently crafted rant.
First, a cut and paste to all of the contributors in this contest (then, I'm off to reviewing yours personally and individually):
To all of you:
"I admire your fortitude and perseverence so much! In my humble opinion, this contest sponsored by Yeltel is, by far, the most challenging and of highest quality, on this site. Having created two Crowns in the past ("I'll Sin For You Until I Die" and a lighter "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs") I know and appreciate how much time and creative energy goes into producing these magnificent pieces of writing. I tried my best. I could not muster it up. And, so, I gladly forfeit my $25 to the winner who persevered.
My review of your piece (yes, I read every verse) will not concentrate on repeating end rhymes, as I know from experience that Yeltel and others will take care of that in advance. Kudos to Yeltel for being a responsible contest sponsor.
I will, instead, focus on content, iambic meter, vivid imagery, and a holistic message.
Best to all of you in this contest."
Ok, dear Mike:
You grabbed me at "emulsifying". Your vocabulary (I won't list all the words) is indeed mesmerizing.
"If find wry soliloquies conform/to bind us in subservience to stars." Oh my, oh my!
"to effervesce in nature's bubbling pot/and understand the beauty of the bomb." Fabulous!
You even got the iambic meter correct in the line that tempts one to not accept it: "who work towards that perfect match's grasp." (I loved it!)
Thank you for the extra treat of the musical accompaniment.
Enjambment was perfect. Message is one which you know I subscribe to. Execution was wonderful. I am very impressed! But, I did not expect any less from you, my friend!
Hugs, Sue
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much, Sue :-). I thin kwe are kindred rebels indeed, nevertheless struck by a desire to prove we CAN follow the rules, even if we do so with a knowing wink to the mirror!
I have managed to baffle quite a few reviewers with this one. In fact, one guy wrote me a private message to say he hates poetry, and thinks I'm more interested in using long words than having a meaning. *sigh*. Oh, and the guy with barely literate English who said I kept forcing rhymes, and thus it didn;t make sense. When I gently (and genuinely) suggested that he may have missed the subtleties due to English perhaps not being his first language, I was apparently being offensive, as well as right.
lol, sorry, don't mean to go on. I love hearing from those who are willing to invest a little time in understanding a poem. Thankfully, most have in this case.
Great to hear from you, Sue :-)
Mike
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Rating of Chapter 5 - A Dream of Droll Dichotomy's Design
In every sunrise lurks the lee of night,
the aftermath of nightmare's chill decree,
emulsifying streams of terror's might
into the gulf of daytime's killing spree. GREAT OPENING STANZA WITH ALLITERATION AND GREAT WORD CHOICES TO GRAB THE READER'S ATTN
These ghosts, we bear like children of our fears NOT SURE ABOUT REVERSE SYNTAX HERE (THOUGH I USE IT MYSELF A LOT IN SONNETS) AS THE 'FEARS' ARE DETACHED AND I HAD TO READ IT TWICE TO UNDERSTAND.
that wail away the fabric of our minds GREAT CONSONANCE IN 'WAIL AWAY'
until, in tattered threads, we soak our tears MORE EX ALLIT
on tissues of our life, with lies and blinds;
the benefits that sanctify with balm
and mollify the edges of the pain.
In decades' hindsight, sadness shatters calm
as understanding burgeons in the vein; INSPIRED USE OF LOOKING BACK AND REGRETS
that thought is overwrought, and justice claimed
by tyrants of interpretation's strength,
and in our minds' perceptions we're defamed
because we measure power's vim, not length, NOT IMPRESSED WITH 'VIM', THOUGH THE MEANING IS SPOT ON. MAYBE 'WIDTH'
for only death exists to quell the storm,
if final wry soliloquies conform. EXCELLENT MULTI SYLLABE WORD CHOICES FOR EXTRA FLOW
II
If final wry soliloquies conform
to bind us in subservience to stars,
they tease us from the sky in which they swarm GREAT 'S' ALLITERATION AND CYNICAL MESSAGE
and mock our words with glory from afar.
Our only freedom rests in passion's vent,
expression borne on streams of consciousness
to lap against what consciences prevent
from seeing light or understanding bliss WE DO INDED ALL HAVE TO 'VENT'
with anything but darkened, hooded eyes
that bat with ineffective deference
against the cloak designed to mesmerise
with fallow lies the sight of our defence. MORE SUBTLE CYNICISM
So poise those pens, you brave almighty scribes,
you articles of words' sly, patient reign
across the culture drowning in the jibes
of pop tart defamation's cliched stain BLIMEY, THAT'S SOME LINE
evaporating all the sense we shot;
with rhetoric, we follow better plots. YOUR AGNOSTIC AND REALISTIC VIEWS SHINE.
III
with rhetoric, we follow better plots
unto a land of dreams without aplomb,
to effervesce in nature's bubbling pot
and understand the beauty of the bomb. GREAT ANTI-WAR STATEMENT
So finally, we comprehend the truth;
that contrasts hide connections unresolved. NOT SURE THIS LINE IS GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT, EVEN WITH POETIC LICENSE
Reality is perfectly uncouth
and nothing in the world has yet evolved
beyond an ooze that yearns to seize the day
with dominant compassion and a dream,
to suffocate with hopeful tourniquets
all traces of the danger in the seams VERY POETIC (AS EVER HERE)
of senses' limits and perception's role. CLEVER ENJAMBMENT HERE AND CORRECT USE OF LOWER CASE THROUGHOUT
We are the enemy we must unseat,
the devil we incarnate in the hole
we dug to hold detritus of defeat DUNNO WHAT 'DETRIUS' IS BUT IT SOUNDS COOL LOL
beneath the well from which denial springs,
a symbol of the sustenance fear brings. GREAT METAPHOR (LOTS OF THEM IN POEM BUT I'M NOT POINTING THEM ALL OUT
IV
A symbol of the sustenance fear brings
is wrought in brands we burn into the hides
of worker drones that weave as profit sings
an aria to rote, fame, lust and brides DON'T GET THE LAST LINE BUT AN INDICTMENT ON THE EXPLOITERS
who work towards that perfect match's grasp;
the lifelong hold of power's verity.
It's damaged gloss reflecting light we clasp,
the chipped veneer of cloaked barbarity HEY, I USED 'VENEER' AND 'GLOSS' TOO, SO THEY MUST BE GREAT WORDS ;-)
applied in coats so thick we can deny
an education of misanthropy.
We worship lies designed to justify
the slaves we show in stunning panoply. AGAIN, A COUPLE OF WORDS I DON'T UNDERSTAND, AS I'M SURE MANY OTHERS WON'T ALSO, AND I'M TOO LAZY TO CONSULT A DICTIONARY
Wrapped up in comfort sanctified by hope
that we might trick the angel at the gate,
we head into the future, and we cope
so long as none may hold us in debate SHALLOW DECEIT WITHOUT A BACKUP OF ELOQUENCE WHICH SURE WON'T FOOL THE FICTICIOUS GUY 'AT THE GATE' WHEN THIS BIBLE-BASHER ARRIVES.
of all the sacrifices made for good
while shadowing our faces in a hood. 'HOOD', THOUGHT APT, SEEMS A SHALLOW AND FORCED RHYME imho
V
While shadowing our faces in a hood;
a firewall built against all question's gaze, THAT OLD 'FIRE' WORD THAT IS EITHER 2 OR 3 SYLLABLES, AND IT CAUGHT ME OUT HERE
we generate connections understood
by only minotaurs lost in the maze CLEVER COMPARISON
of circuitry and airwaves uncontrolled
except by artificial thinking's wiles.
For every dream that dares to break the mould,
a nightmare draws reality in tiles. 'TILES' SEEMS FORCED AND UNPOETIC. MAYBE 'PILES' THOUGH THAT'S NOT MUCH BETTER
Invention is a fantasy; our yearning
for urgent breath to shake monotony
engaging us in predetermined learning
designed to trap our minds in felony 'FUN' SWITCH IN STYLE OF ENDRHYMES
committed on the hopes of artists' thoughts
and predilections to avoid the heap.
Rebellion's the natural state we ought
to hide if our society's to keep I FIND ALL 4 RHYMES RATHER WEAK IN THIS STANZA
financial hold; dominion 'cross the earth
we've hated since the day pain gave us birth. DON'T GET 'PAIN GAVE US BIRTH', THOUGH WOULD UNDERSTAND THE INFERENCE OF 'BIRTH GAVE US PAIN'
VI
We've hated since the day pain gave us birth,
and only death has perspicacity PERSPIWOT? LOL
enough to elevate us from the dearth
of barren listlessness' capacity
to keep us mediocre and defined
as creatures of the instincts we all trust
to generate the glee that makes us blind,
not realising just beneath the crust DON'T TAKE 'TEASCHINGS AT FACE VALUE INDEED
potential lurks, available and full.
We sit upon our castles, hoarding fun
as though to share a hand will only pull
the pins from our grenades, and turn our tuns NO PROBS WITH APPROX RHYMES, BUT NOT IMPRESSED BY 'FUN' AND 'TUNS' IS 'TUNS' A TYPO? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
into a fresh horizon all can view
with vuln'rable delight and shy approach.
Just one dark soul need sacrifice anew
to start a chain reaction of reproach, THOUGHT-PROVOKING DARK STANZA TO ME COULD IMPLY THE DEVIL MAY BE THE NEW MESSIAH
and thereby find a path all creeds can walk.
Of generosity, all creeds can talk. HERE HERE!!
VII
Of generosity, all creeds can talk,
so language cannot stifle our attempts
to weave a rope so strong that none will balk,
each human twining like a strand of hemp NOT IOMPRESSED BY 'LIKE A STRAND OF HEMP' - STACATTO METER AND I CAN'T VISUALISE, THOUGH THE MESSAGE OF UNITY CONTINUES
so all can climb into the guiding glare
with aspiration's elevated fire.
Inducted in a sigh beyond compare,
the world will see potential doesn't tire INDEED - STRIVE FOR A MORE REALISTIC AND BONDING UNIVERSAL THEOLOGY
when mined with open minds and fervent grip
upon the haft of demonstration's blade.
We'll take society on such a trip
with pillars to the sun our fervour made.
We only need remember, with the dusk,
to batten down the hatches while the dark
invades with calculation and the husk
we shed with understanding, bright and stark, FINALLY REALISTIC AND ENLIGHTENED
that sometimes evil dwells behind the light;
in every sunrise lurks the lee of night.
A FANTASTIC 'CROWN' FROM A TRUE POET WITH A PERFECT GRASP OF IAMBIC METER, RHYME AND SUBTLE MESSAGES. BRAVO. I'LL ONLY GIVE YOU A VIRTUAL SIXER AS THOUGH I HAVE SOME LEFT, YOU DON'T NEED MY ONE WITH ALL THE OTHERS SO DESERVEDLY EARNED.
BRILLIANT WRITING, POET!
GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES, EARL
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
|
In every sunrise lurks the lee of night,
the aftermath of nightmare's chill decree,
emulsifying streams of terror's might
into the gulf of daytime's killing spree. GREAT OPENING STANZA WITH ALLITERATION AND GREAT WORD CHOICES TO GRAB THE READER'S ATTN
These ghosts, we bear like children of our fears NOT SURE ABOUT REVERSE SYNTAX HERE (THOUGH I USE IT MYSELF A LOT IN SONNETS) AS THE 'FEARS' ARE DETACHED AND I HAD TO READ IT TWICE TO UNDERSTAND.
that wail away the fabric of our minds GREAT CONSONANCE IN 'WAIL AWAY'
until, in tattered threads, we soak our tears MORE EX ALLIT
on tissues of our life, with lies and blinds;
the benefits that sanctify with balm
and mollify the edges of the pain.
In decades' hindsight, sadness shatters calm
as understanding burgeons in the vein; INSPIRED USE OF LOOKING BACK AND REGRETS
that thought is overwrought, and justice claimed
by tyrants of interpretation's strength,
and in our minds' perceptions we're defamed
because we measure power's vim, not length, NOT IMPRESSED WITH 'VIM', THOUGH THE MEANING IS SPOT ON. MAYBE 'WIDTH'
for only death exists to quell the storm,
if final wry soliloquies conform. EXCELLENT MULTI SYLLABE WORD CHOICES FOR EXTRA FLOW
II
If final wry soliloquies conform
to bind us in subservience to stars,
they tease us from the sky in which they swarm GREAT 'S' ALLITERATION AND CYNICAL MESSAGE
and mock our words with glory from afar.
Our only freedom rests in passion's vent,
expression borne on streams of consciousness
to lap against what consciences prevent
from seeing light or understanding bliss WE DO INDED ALL HAVE TO 'VENT'
with anything but darkened, hooded eyes
that bat with ineffective deference
against the cloak designed to mesmerise
with fallow lies the sight of our defence. MORE SUBTLE CYNICISM
So poise those pens, you brave almighty scribes,
you articles of words' sly, patient reign
across the culture drowning in the jibes
of pop tart defamation's cliched stain BLIMEY, THAT'S SOME LINE
evaporating all the sense we shot;
with rhetoric, we follow better plots. YOUR AGNOSTIC AND REALISTIC VIEWS SHINE.
III
with rhetoric, we follow better plots
unto a land of dreams without aplomb,
to effervesce in nature's bubbling pot
and understand the beauty of the bomb. GREAT ANTI-WAR STATEMENT
So finally, we comprehend the truth;
that contrasts hide connections unresolved. NOT SURE THIS LINE IS GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT, EVEN WITH POETIC LICENSE
Reality is perfectly uncouth
and nothing in the world has yet evolved
beyond an ooze that yearns to seize the day
with dominant compassion and a dream,
to suffocate with hopeful tourniquets
all traces of the danger in the seams VERY POETIC (AS EVER HERE)
of senses' limits and perception's role. CLEVER ENJAMBMENT HERE AND CORRECT USE OF LOWER CASE THROUGHOUT
We are the enemy we must unseat,
the devil we incarnate in the hole
we dug to hold detritus of defeat DUNNO WHAT 'DETRIUS' IS BUT IT SOUNDS COOL LOL
beneath the well from which denial springs,
a symbol of the sustenance fear brings. GREAT METAPHOR (LOTS OF THEM IN POEM BUT I'M NOT POINTING THEM ALL OUT
IV
A symbol of the sustenance fear brings
is wrought in brands we burn into the hides
of worker drones that weave as profit sings
an aria to rote, fame, lust and brides DON'T GET THE LAST LINE BUT AN INDICTMENT ON THE EXPLOITERS
who work towards that perfect match's grasp;
the lifelong hold of power's verity.
It's damaged gloss reflecting light we clasp,
the chipped veneer of cloaked barbarity HEY, I USED 'VENEER' AND 'GLOSS' TOO, SO THEY MUST BE GREAT WORDS ;-)
applied in coats so thick we can deny
an education of misanthropy.
We worship lies designed to justify
the slaves we show in stunning panoply. AGAIN, A COUPLE OF WORDS I DON'T UNDERSTAND, AS I'M SURE MANY OTHERS WON'T ALSO, AND I'M TOO LAZY TO CONSULT A DICTIONARY
Wrapped up in comfort sanctified by hope
that we might trick the angel at the gate,
we head into the future, and we cope
so long as none may hold us in debate SHALLOW DECEIT WITHOUT A BACKUP OF ELOQUENCE WHICH SURE WON'T FOOL THE FICTICIOUS GUY 'AT THE GATE' WHEN THIS BIBLE-BASHER ARRIVES.
of all the sacrifices made for good
while shadowing our faces in a hood. 'HOOD', THOUGHT APT, SEEMS A SHALLOW AND FORCED RHYME imho
V
While shadowing our faces in a hood;
a firewall built against all question's gaze, THAT OLD 'FIRE' WORD THAT IS EITHER 2 OR 3 SYLLABLES, AND IT CAUGHT ME OUT HERE
we generate connections understood
by only minotaurs lost in the maze CLEVER COMPARISON
of circuitry and airwaves uncontrolled
except by artificial thinking's wiles.
For every dream that dares to break the mould,
a nightmare draws reality in tiles. 'TILES' SEEMS FORCED AND UNPOETIC. MAYBE 'PILES' THOUGH THAT'S NOT MUCH BETTER
Invention is a fantasy; our yearning
for urgent breath to shake monotony
engaging us in predetermined learning
designed to trap our minds in felony 'FUN' SWITCH IN STYLE OF ENDRHYMES
committed on the hopes of artists' thoughts
and predilections to avoid the heap.
Rebellion's the natural state we ought
to hide if our society's to keep I FIND ALL 4 RHYMES RATHER WEAK IN THIS STANZA
financial hold; dominion 'cross the earth
we've hated since the day pain gave us birth. DON'T GET 'PAIN GAVE US BIRTH', THOUGH WOULD UNDERSTAND THE INFERENCE OF 'BIRTH GAVE US PAIN'
VI
We've hated since the day pain gave us birth,
and only death has perspicacity PERSPIWOT? LOL
enough to elevate us from the dearth
of barren listlessness' capacity
to keep us mediocre and defined
as creatures of the instincts we all trust
to generate the glee that makes us blind,
not realising just beneath the crust DON'T TAKE 'TEASCHINGS AT FACE VALUE INDEED
potential lurks, available and full.
We sit upon our castles, hoarding fun
as though to share a hand will only pull
the pins from our grenades, and turn our tuns NO PROBS WITH APPROX RHYMES, BUT NOT IMPRESSED BY 'FUN' AND 'TUNS' IS 'TUNS' A TYPO? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
into a fresh horizon all can view
with vuln'rable delight and shy approach.
Just one dark soul need sacrifice anew
to start a chain reaction of reproach, THOUGHT-PROVOKING DARK STANZA TO ME COULD IMPLY THE DEVIL MAY BE THE NEW MESSIAH
and thereby find a path all creeds can walk.
Of generosity, all creeds can talk. HERE HERE!!
VII
Of generosity, all creeds can talk,
so language cannot stifle our attempts
to weave a rope so strong that none will balk,
each human twining like a strand of hemp NOT IOMPRESSED BY 'LIKE A STRAND OF HEMP' - STACATTO METER AND I CAN'T VISUALISE, THOUGH THE MESSAGE OF UNITY CONTINUES
so all can climb into the guiding glare
with aspiration's elevated fire.
Inducted in a sigh beyond compare,
the world will see potential doesn't tire INDEED - STRIVE FOR A MORE REALISTIC AND BONDING UNIVERSAL THEOLOGY
when mined with open minds and fervent grip
upon the haft of demonstration's blade.
We'll take society on such a trip
with pillars to the sun our fervour made.
We only need remember, with the dusk,
to batten down the hatches while the dark
invades with calculation and the husk
we shed with understanding, bright and stark, FINALLY REALISTIC AND ENLIGHTENED
that sometimes evil dwells behind the light;
in every sunrise lurks the lee of night.
A FANTASTIC 'CROWN' FROM A TRUE POET WITH A PERFECT GRASP OF IAMBIC METER, RHYME AND SUBTLE MESSAGES. BRAVO. I'LL ONLY GIVE YOU A VIRTUAL SIXER AS THOUGH I HAVE SOME LEFT, YOU DON'T NEED MY ONE WITH ALL THE OTHERS SO DESERVEDLY EARNED.
BRILLIANT WRITING, POET!
GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES, EARL
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
-
Wow! Thanks, Earl - that's quite a journey through your thoughts as you read through, which is a great way to review. I appreciate the honesty on the bits that gave you pause. Suffice to say there are no typos, but I do agree with some of the weak end rhymes. I actually preferred my first draft, which had repeating rhymes in a few places. I can honestly say most of the bits you've picked out are where I've had to shoe-horn in a new piece of poem that means the same, changes the end rhyme, avoids clashing with any other end rhymes, and still maintains to rhythm and meter! I found that far harder than writing it in the first place. Once the voting;s over, I think I'm going to revert to my preferred version, because there's no requirement for a crown to have no repeating rhymes - that's just an added challenge that KaffKaff (the original creator of this contest) and Yelena decided to set participants.
Much appreciate the time and comments, mate :-).
Mike
-
No probs, Mike. I agree the 'no repeats' rule is somewhat restrictive though it makes us stretch more. So long as similar sounding (and not exact repeats) are well distanced, then I'd prefer that too.
Hey, I don't know about you, but I'd settle for a 3-way tie at the moment.
I just hope with so many 'dollars' at stake, that no-one is tempted to garner votes in any way - and I sure don't include you in that category.
-
I better add - I know at least half the entrants here well, and would never suspect them either. I guess I'm just a nasty suspicious cynic. ;-(
I'll be looking for a fast finisher in the final furlong (how's that for alliteration? ;-)
-
Well, there's been two of you at the top, with me just behind, then in the last couple of hours a third one came shooting past me to equal top ... Naming no names!
-
I noticed that, Mike, and Im fuckin livid - rightly or wrongly.
Comment from cheyennewy
Rating of Chapter 5 - A Dream of Droll Dichotomy's Design
Hi Mike,
You have written a fabulous crow of heroic sonnet for the contest. You have chosen expressive and compelling words. Each line blends with the next seamlessly. A crown of sonnets if so difficult to write and stay focused throughout but you have done a good job of that here. Well done and good luck in the contest. Here are the only six stars I have ******..chey
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
|
Hi Mike,
You have written a fabulous crow of heroic sonnet for the contest. You have chosen expressive and compelling words. Each line blends with the next seamlessly. A crown of sonnets if so difficult to write and stay focused throughout but you have done a good job of that here. Well done and good luck in the contest. Here are the only six stars I have ******..chey
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
-
Thank you, Chey - I love your six stars :-). This came out in one long rush, then took me hours to get in line with the rules (those repeating rhymes are gits!). I'm thrilled you enjoyed it.
Mike
Comment from Auroraboreal800
Rating of Chapter 5 - A Dream of Droll Dichotomy's Design
This is so beautiful! Your rhyming scheme is excellent and this always gives a very good writing. You keep the readers attention with your descriptive word choices and how they display such fine imagery. What an enjoyable reading!
GREAT JOB!!
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
|
This is so beautiful! Your rhyming scheme is excellent and this always gives a very good writing. You keep the readers attention with your descriptive word choices and how they display such fine imagery. What an enjoyable reading!
GREAT JOB!!
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
-
Thank you so much, Aurora. I'm so glad you enjoyed it :-).
Mike
Comment from The Stranger
Rating of Chapter 5 - A Dream of Droll Dichotomy's Design
well this contest has certainly drawn in the ones of most talent, this is yet another brilliantly crafted piece, well worthy of winning the contest
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
|
well this contest has certainly drawn in the ones of most talent, this is yet another brilliantly crafted piece, well worthy of winning the contest
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
-
Thanks so much, Stranger - I'm grateful for the awesome rating, and thrilled you enjoyed this piece :-).
Mike
Comment from Espresso momma
Rating of Chapter 5 - A Dream of Droll Dichotomy's Design
I applaud all of you who have written in this contest. I have too hard of a time just working on what I am with them. You are talented more than you know, great job and best wishes.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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I applaud all of you who have written in this contest. I have too hard of a time just working on what I am with them. You are talented more than you know, great job and best wishes.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
-
Thank you - what a wonderful thing to say :-).
Mike
Comment from Becca Deese
Rating of Chapter 5 - A Dream of Droll Dichotomy's Design
Wow. I won't pretend to be an expert on poetry or form, but this had a profound impact on me. A truly beautiful work with so much to offer. It follows the form you described to perfection. I merely aspire to write this well.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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Wow. I won't pretend to be an expert on poetry or form, but this had a profound impact on me. A truly beautiful work with so much to offer. It follows the form you described to perfection. I merely aspire to write this well.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much, Becca. I'm far more interested in hearing about your response to my poem than technical issues, because I think, as artists, we are always trying to evoke emotion, above all else. I'm thrilled with your review :-).
Mike
Comment from TOPE1
Rating of Chapter 5 - A Dream of Droll Dichotomy's Design
So long the poem, it is a poem of 72 lines which is divided into 7 parts. All the 7 parts has 5 stanzas each and 18 line each. The last line of part 1- 6 is repeated. Its rhyme really destroy its meaning because the poet is conscious of the rhyme than the meaning. It has a lot themes like: injustice, hope, sorrow and pain,warning against evil acts, etc.
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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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So long the poem, it is a poem of 72 lines which is divided into 7 parts. All the 7 parts has 5 stanzas each and 18 line each. The last line of part 1- 6 is repeated. Its rhyme really destroy its meaning because the poet is conscious of the rhyme than the meaning. It has a lot themes like: injustice, hope, sorrow and pain,warning against evil acts, etc.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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If poetry is an art form all about the subtlety and nuances of words, then meaning is a consideration in light of that caveat. I suspect from your writing that English is not your first language, so perhaps those subtleties are far more difficult for you to detect, given they grow from cultural tropes and emergent conventions.
You've still picked up a lot of the themes. Thank you for taking the time to read :-).
Mike
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English may not be my first language but I had taken time to read your poem and I undertood it. Any author who really wants the best for himself or herself must accept criticism. About my writing, I had only posted one poem in this site but I know that time shall tell whom one is. Bitter leaf maybe bitter but it is butter than industrial sugar!
