Ralph
Everyone has a destiny.49 total reviews
Comment from rmdelta
Ann,
this was a terrific story, one the targeted age group will love to read. A great contest entry, which easily gets my vote, my dear friend.
Well done.
Reggie
reply by the author on 23-May-2009
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Ann,
this was a terrific story, one the targeted age group will love to read. A great contest entry, which easily gets my vote, my dear friend.
Well done.
Reggie
Comment Written 23-May-2009
reply by the author on 23-May-2009
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Thanks so much. I appreciate your reading and commenting. Your support is truly valued. ann
Comment from kiwirose
It is brilliant story about the dog's thought. It made me smile while I read it.
Thank you for sharing it with us :o)
reply by the author on 23-May-2009
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It is brilliant story about the dog's thought. It made me smile while I read it.
Thank you for sharing it with us :o)
Comment Written 23-May-2009
reply by the author on 23-May-2009
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Glad you smiled. I appreciate the generous review and your time in sharing it. ann
Comment from Readywriter52
A very good children's story. I'm happy that Billy's mother learned that Ralph is a good dog to keep around. He kept an intruder from harming the family.
reply by the author on 23-May-2009
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A very good children's story. I'm happy that Billy's mother learned that Ralph is a good dog to keep around. He kept an intruder from harming the family.
Comment Written 23-May-2009
reply by the author on 23-May-2009
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Thanks so much for reading and sharing your comments with me. ann
Comment from Tellis
This is a great funny and very entertaining story. ralph really was a lovable dog. I enjoyed reading this well written piece.
Tellis
reply by the author on 22-May-2009
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This is a great funny and very entertaining story. ralph really was a lovable dog. I enjoyed reading this well written piece.
Tellis
Comment Written 22-May-2009
reply by the author on 22-May-2009
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Thanks. I appreciate the generous review. ann
Comment from pixiemillie
Of course, I fell on this post with great glee- -I love dogs and I have one that fits Ralph's description to a T. I believe this is a good story for children. There are things a child needs to learn even if it be tied into a naught pup. And the moral is a good one- -with all the seemingly bad characteristics this dog seems to have, he is a wonderful guard dog. As a result, he's a keeper. His special quality comes through in this piece. Love Ralph's listening and thinking to conversations. thank you.
reply by the author on 22-May-2009
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Of course, I fell on this post with great glee- -I love dogs and I have one that fits Ralph's description to a T. I believe this is a good story for children. There are things a child needs to learn even if it be tied into a naught pup. And the moral is a good one- -with all the seemingly bad characteristics this dog seems to have, he is a wonderful guard dog. As a result, he's a keeper. His special quality comes through in this piece. Love Ralph's listening and thinking to conversations. thank you.
Comment Written 21-May-2009
reply by the author on 22-May-2009
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I too have a dog that pretty much fits Ralph's description!! He's both a job and a trial, but I love him to death. thanks so much for the encouraging review and your time in sharing it. ann
Comment from ladybird
This is a lovely read, I think children would really enjoy this. The concern that Ralph has to go, then saving the family from an intruder, then joy, that he's allowed to stay. I'm no child, but I enjoyed this.
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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This is a lovely read, I think children would really enjoy this. The concern that Ralph has to go, then saving the family from an intruder, then joy, that he's allowed to stay. I'm no child, but I enjoyed this.
Comment Written 21-May-2009
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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thanks so much for the generous review and your time in sharing it. ann
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You're welcome.
Comment from Belinda
Dear Anmumma, you're right. Writing children's stories is not at all easy. We have to imagine what are in their minds. Children 8 - 10 years old are also quite unique, I think. Sometimes they are just like kids, sometimes much older (precocious)
I hereby congratulate you for your work. It depicts the morals (both) without being too obvious. And I do admire you for your twist of grammar. You have to use the word 'was' as a condition of the contest, so you create a Ralph that understands the English grammar. Very creative of you. I hope you win the contest
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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Dear Anmumma, you're right. Writing children's stories is not at all easy. We have to imagine what are in their minds. Children 8 - 10 years old are also quite unique, I think. Sometimes they are just like kids, sometimes much older (precocious)
I hereby congratulate you for your work. It depicts the morals (both) without being too obvious. And I do admire you for your twist of grammar. You have to use the word 'was' as a condition of the contest, so you create a Ralph that understands the English grammar. Very creative of you. I hope you win the contest
Comment Written 21-May-2009
reply by the author on 21-May-2009
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Well, thank you so very, very much! I appreciate your generous review and comments. ann
Comment from xaipe
Hi Annmuma,
First, let me say how well written I think your story is. I really like how (seemingly) effortlessly you found a way to connect the mandatory starter sentence to your story, and you've got an excellent mix of internal and external dialogue. I also really liked the idea of your story: an aging family pet, basically having a late-life crisis. Fantastic idea.
My only complaint is that I don't know if this is really appropriate for "children." I can see it for young adults, but I feel like the themes (death and meaning of life) are a little heave for kids, and there aren't enough bright spots to keep a child interested.
If it weren't intended to be a children's story I would think it was spot on though, so thanks for sharing. And, your dog is an absolute cutie, so thanks for sharing that too!
reply by the author on 20-May-2009
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Hi Annmuma,
First, let me say how well written I think your story is. I really like how (seemingly) effortlessly you found a way to connect the mandatory starter sentence to your story, and you've got an excellent mix of internal and external dialogue. I also really liked the idea of your story: an aging family pet, basically having a late-life crisis. Fantastic idea.
My only complaint is that I don't know if this is really appropriate for "children." I can see it for young adults, but I feel like the themes (death and meaning of life) are a little heave for kids, and there aren't enough bright spots to keep a child interested.
If it weren't intended to be a children's story I would think it was spot on though, so thanks for sharing. And, your dog is an absolute cutie, so thanks for sharing that too!
Comment Written 20-May-2009
reply by the author on 20-May-2009
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NO ONE DIED IN MY STORY. I THINK YOU MUST HAVE READ SOMEONE ELSE'S. My story has a happy ending with Ralph becoming an inside dog. Please check again. ann
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Oh my god, I think you're right. I'm so sorry! Please disregard my initial complaint!
Comment from esmerelda
It was good, not incredible ,but good. I think kids will love it but not for long. Next time make the end less predictable.
reply by the author on 07-May-2009
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It was good, not incredible ,but good. I think kids will love it but not for long. Next time make the end less predictable.
Comment Written 07-May-2009
reply by the author on 07-May-2009
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Thanks for reading and commenting. I thought kids' stories should be toward the predictable when one is attempting to get a moral across. The contest required a moral. I appreciate your time. ann
Comment from mmichelle97219
A couple of small nits, but nothing major. It does not read like a children's story, and really didn't hold the attention of my kids. I always try children's posts out on them. I thought it was clever, and didn't find a moral. I am not sure if that was a requirement or not. Overall good but not great. At least not to me. I do wish you the best of luck in the voting booth.
Michelle
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He chased the meterman over the fence.= should be meter man
A lot of carrying-on just because I saved the backyard from a sneaky scoundrel.= this is technically a fragment. you need a working verb for example "this is a lot of carrying-on
Ralph lay on a rug near the door and Billy slept in the bottom bunk instead of the top-of-the-room view he preferred.= should be lie instead of lay
Ralph listened as he lay at Billy's feet.= should be lie instead of lay
reply by the author on 04-May-2009
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A couple of small nits, but nothing major. It does not read like a children's story, and really didn't hold the attention of my kids. I always try children's posts out on them. I thought it was clever, and didn't find a moral. I am not sure if that was a requirement or not. Overall good but not great. At least not to me. I do wish you the best of luck in the voting booth.
Michelle
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He chased the meterman over the fence.= should be meter man
A lot of carrying-on just because I saved the backyard from a sneaky scoundrel.= this is technically a fragment. you need a working verb for example "this is a lot of carrying-on
Ralph lay on a rug near the door and Billy slept in the bottom bunk instead of the top-of-the-room view he preferred.= should be lie instead of lay
Ralph listened as he lay at Billy's feet.= should be lie instead of lay
Comment Written 04-May-2009
reply by the author on 04-May-2009
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I will certainly fix those "lies & meters". thanks for noting them. It is important to remember that 'lay' is the past tense of lie. So I'm not sure if it is used incorrectly or not. I'll check it. The fragment was intentional as it was a thought. Those are sometimes fragments. I also tried it out on a child, my 6 year-old-granddaughter. She understood and liked it. There are many morals included, commitment, second chances, let go and let God, be true to one's self, etc. The one she got was everybody derserves a second chance. She is precocious for a six-year-old.
Appreciate the good luck wishes. ann
