A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 52 "Broken Promises"Autobiography of abuse
12 total reviews
Comment from medicnate
Holy crap. That, I didn't see coming. I'm a grown man and tears rolled down my face as I read parts of this chapter. This story needs to be told. You need to get it into the hands of every agent, publisher, etc... that you can. People need to be more aware of these kinds of things. I am sorry they had to happen to you and your family, but I hope that this story, gets out there and people can find the strength to read it. I know it will save someone.
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2009
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Holy crap. That, I didn't see coming. I'm a grown man and tears rolled down my face as I read parts of this chapter. This story needs to be told. You need to get it into the hands of every agent, publisher, etc... that you can. People need to be more aware of these kinds of things. I am sorry they had to happen to you and your family, but I hope that this story, gets out there and people can find the strength to read it. I know it will save someone.
~medicnate~
Comment Written 12-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2009
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A difficult chapter for me to write. Describing the event and anger I felt was hard.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
One of the worst problems of mental illness is the shame that some people attach to the disease. This is just one more denial of of humanness.
This is clearly shown by the following:
1. Richard was a well-educated, intelligent man, but the horrified expression on his face, told me he was ashamed and embarrassed. {This used to be the normal reaction to mental treatment.}
2. He made it quite clear he did not want the girls to know why I was in the hospital. However, Tina and Sarah were aware of my years of depression and alcoholism.{It used to be easier to say that a person just wanted to be "that way"than to acknowledge that they had a condition caused by abuse. Not telling the children was a way for Richard to feel superior. When your daughters learned the truth, your healing moved forward because they could finallly accept you as a real person.}
3. A large part of my outpatient therapy included no alcohol, no romantic relationships, and, until Dr. P felt I could handle the stress, no job. He wanted me to focus on myself. {Great advice. Self-acceptance is extremely important for mental healing. If you don't accept and believe in yourself, how can you stop self denial and even more important how can you own your mistakes? Not owning mistakes blocks you from correcting them. I know that became my biggest problem. Someone else always was my scapegoat.}
4. "I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I said when you were in the hospital," Mary explained, "and, wanted to tell you I should have been more understanding. I miss the girls and was hoping you'd let them come over for a visit."
Her words fell short of an apology but I knew it must have been very hard for her to make this call. I was still very angry but I tried my best to be civil.
"I appreciate how difficult calling me must be for you, but you made your position quite clear, and I have moved on with my life," I said firmly.
I paused for a moment before adding, "You knew I was telling the truth about Daddy but still called me a liar. Daddy raped me, and nothing you can say or do will change that. Other than to tell you that you are the last person I would ever allow near my children, we have nothing to talk about." {This was a tremendously important dialog, because you are now strong enough to isolate your children from the family denials. (Self-serving lies might be a better term.)
5. Sarah looked over at Tina who was staring down at the floor and said, "We didn't stay with Daddy. We really stayed with Aunt Denise. The first night she took us over to Grandma's house so she could go out with her friends." ...."That night Tina slept on the bed in the loft and I slept on the couch beside her," Sarah said. "I woke up in the middle of the night and saw the man who rents a room from Grandma on top of Tina. He had his hand over Tina's mouth and she was trying to push him off her. {What a betrayal and now your mother was protecting another sexual pervert with denials and Richard was helping in the cover up. A whole new wave of abuse denial and Richard had bought into it}
6. My heart ached knowing there was nothing I could say or do that would ever erase what happened to Tina. She would have to live with my mistake the rest of her life. I knew I would never forgive Mom, Denise or Richard, but I also knew, I would never forgive myself. {you need to forgive yourself. What happened was out of your control. Just give Tina all the love and comfort you can and make sure that you take no part in the wave of denial.}
Remember that the main source of your abuse, your father, is dead, Now the terrible power of abuse and the denials live on only in your memory. It is time to recognize that you are now able to speak the whole truth and there by destroy the power. I think your book is proof that this final healing has already taken place. I pray that you ccan set it aside from who you are just as I feel I have totally cleansed my mind from the power of Frederick.
Roger
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2009
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Hi Valerie:)
One of the worst problems of mental illness is the shame that some people attach to the disease. This is just one more denial of of humanness.
This is clearly shown by the following:
1. Richard was a well-educated, intelligent man, but the horrified expression on his face, told me he was ashamed and embarrassed. {This used to be the normal reaction to mental treatment.}
2. He made it quite clear he did not want the girls to know why I was in the hospital. However, Tina and Sarah were aware of my years of depression and alcoholism.{It used to be easier to say that a person just wanted to be "that way"than to acknowledge that they had a condition caused by abuse. Not telling the children was a way for Richard to feel superior. When your daughters learned the truth, your healing moved forward because they could finallly accept you as a real person.}
3. A large part of my outpatient therapy included no alcohol, no romantic relationships, and, until Dr. P felt I could handle the stress, no job. He wanted me to focus on myself. {Great advice. Self-acceptance is extremely important for mental healing. If you don't accept and believe in yourself, how can you stop self denial and even more important how can you own your mistakes? Not owning mistakes blocks you from correcting them. I know that became my biggest problem. Someone else always was my scapegoat.}
4. "I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I said when you were in the hospital," Mary explained, "and, wanted to tell you I should have been more understanding. I miss the girls and was hoping you'd let them come over for a visit."
Her words fell short of an apology but I knew it must have been very hard for her to make this call. I was still very angry but I tried my best to be civil.
"I appreciate how difficult calling me must be for you, but you made your position quite clear, and I have moved on with my life," I said firmly.
I paused for a moment before adding, "You knew I was telling the truth about Daddy but still called me a liar. Daddy raped me, and nothing you can say or do will change that. Other than to tell you that you are the last person I would ever allow near my children, we have nothing to talk about." {This was a tremendously important dialog, because you are now strong enough to isolate your children from the family denials. (Self-serving lies might be a better term.)
5. Sarah looked over at Tina who was staring down at the floor and said, "We didn't stay with Daddy. We really stayed with Aunt Denise. The first night she took us over to Grandma's house so she could go out with her friends." ...."That night Tina slept on the bed in the loft and I slept on the couch beside her," Sarah said. "I woke up in the middle of the night and saw the man who rents a room from Grandma on top of Tina. He had his hand over Tina's mouth and she was trying to push him off her. {What a betrayal and now your mother was protecting another sexual pervert with denials and Richard was helping in the cover up. A whole new wave of abuse denial and Richard had bought into it}
6. My heart ached knowing there was nothing I could say or do that would ever erase what happened to Tina. She would have to live with my mistake the rest of her life. I knew I would never forgive Mom, Denise or Richard, but I also knew, I would never forgive myself. {you need to forgive yourself. What happened was out of your control. Just give Tina all the love and comfort you can and make sure that you take no part in the wave of denial.}
Remember that the main source of your abuse, your father, is dead, Now the terrible power of abuse and the denials live on only in your memory. It is time to recognize that you are now able to speak the whole truth and there by destroy the power. I think your book is proof that this final healing has already taken place. I pray that you ccan set it aside from who you are just as I feel I have totally cleansed my mind from the power of Frederick.
Roger
Comment Written 20-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2009
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Thank you for your detailed review. I agree, the cause is dead but in life we find that old habbits die hard. Also the damage done can take years to deal with. But as I have said before, without giving away secrets, I do get through it, just not as quickly as I would have wished.
Comment from laurelp
It is strange how a cycle of terror like that keeps going because people think they are doing the right thing. Getting it out in the open is the only possible solution and yet they say nothing. They are too ashamed and they take the blame to themselves.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2009
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It is strange how a cycle of terror like that keeps going because people think they are doing the right thing. Getting it out in the open is the only possible solution and yet they say nothing. They are too ashamed and they take the blame to themselves.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2009
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Very true. Thank you again for kind review and contiued interest.
Comment from adewpearl
what a horrid tragedy to add to this story - all I can say is that Valerie's mother has to be a top contender not only for worst mother of the year but worst grandmother - this family is just so totally beyond the reaches of my comprehension.
Again, your descriptive detail, character development and dialogue are spot on. Brooke
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2009
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what a horrid tragedy to add to this story - all I can say is that Valerie's mother has to be a top contender not only for worst mother of the year but worst grandmother - this family is just so totally beyond the reaches of my comprehension.
Again, your descriptive detail, character development and dialogue are spot on. Brooke
Comment Written 18-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2009
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Yes, they hold a special place in the world of "you have got to be kidding...?" They give a whole new meaning to the word "dysfunctional". Thank you for your kind review. I sincerely appreciate your comments.
Comment from Cranial Thinker
This really must be a cleansing to your soul getting all this out so you can actually see it,and maybe put all this behind you forever.I can truly feel all of this in the first person.Job extremely well done,if only I had a six.Cranial Thinker
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2009
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This really must be a cleansing to your soul getting all this out so you can actually see it,and maybe put all this behind you forever.I can truly feel all of this in the first person.Job extremely well done,if only I had a six.Cranial Thinker
Comment Written 18-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2009
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Thank you for your very kind review. You opinion means so much to me.
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Your words are like a medicine to my very bones,thank you and you are very welcomed.Again,job well done. Cranial Thinker
Comment from jodeecee
Excellent chapter, if I has six stars I would give them on this.
I went into /g/randma's room and told her what happened."
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2009
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Excellent chapter, if I has six stars I would give them on this.
I went into /g/randma's room and told her what happened."
Comment Written 18-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2009
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Thanks for another great review. Thank you for your continued interest. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
Oh gods, Valerie. I thought I was the only sexually abused person who also let it happen to her children. There is such a similar pattern between you and me, it's scary.
You've written this so very well, managing to capture the anger, the horror and the utter despair so vividly.
I found just two typos: "Tina cried all night. The man rally (really) hurt her."
"......concerned about me," I shouted. You didn't tell me.....! (there are " missing at the the beginning of "You didn't tell me...)
Hope this helps.
Warmest wishes
Kat
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2009
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Oh gods, Valerie. I thought I was the only sexually abused person who also let it happen to her children. There is such a similar pattern between you and me, it's scary.
You've written this so very well, managing to capture the anger, the horror and the utter despair so vividly.
I found just two typos: "Tina cried all night. The man rally (really) hurt her."
"......concerned about me," I shouted. You didn't tell me.....! (there are " missing at the the beginning of "You didn't tell me...)
Hope this helps.
Warmest wishes
Kat
Comment Written 17-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2009
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Thanks again for your keen eye. It is amazing how many have had similar experiences....far too many.
Comment from MariaMarsden
The more I read your work, the more I am in awe of your bravery and honesty. It must have been so difficult to write. I hope you were eventually able to forgive yourself for what happened to tina. Your honesty will help many people here.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2009
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The more I read your work, the more I am in awe of your bravery and honesty. It must have been so difficult to write. I hope you were eventually able to forgive yourself for what happened to tina. Your honesty will help many people here.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2009
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from ladybird
A really harrowing story. Like all mothers you want to protect them, even when things are beyond your control. I can't belive the actions- or inaction of the family concerning the little girl.I can only imagine the hurt felt when the family do a cover up like this, it's beyond belief.
Couple typhos spotted. bee=been witness
I only told Sarah and Tina was that my father. Seems like word/s missing ere
The man rally-really
very well written.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2009
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A really harrowing story. Like all mothers you want to protect them, even when things are beyond your control. I can't belive the actions- or inaction of the family concerning the little girl.I can only imagine the hurt felt when the family do a cover up like this, it's beyond belief.
Couple typhos spotted. bee=been witness
I only told Sarah and Tina was that my father. Seems like word/s missing ere
The man rally-really
very well written.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2009
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Thank you for your kind review. I will address the typos you pointed out. Thanks.
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You're welcome.
Comment from WRITER1
They had bee witness I think you want been here. This is a good story, it read well, the characters were strong and you brought out the anger very well.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2009
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They had bee witness I think you want been here. This is a good story, it read well, the characters were strong and you brought out the anger very well.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2009
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Thak you for you kind review. I will correct the errors you pointed out.
