A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "Bliss"Autobiography of abuse
14 total reviews
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
This is good Valerie, but it needs a lot of tweaks! There are a number of typos and missing words. I will try to list as many as I can, but I think the best you could do would be to thoroughly edit it again.
In the 'background' paragraph:
"Valerie tries to fince peace ..." (do you mean 'find' peace?)
"Valerie is excited [because] she is pregnant and convined (convinced)......"
"Half awake[,] I managed to mumble(d)..."
"adrenaline fueled rage raced...." (this would read a bit better as "adrenaline-fueled rage racing through..."
"...Denise peaking out....." (peeking)
"I had to think of myself, and the baby waiting to be born." (I think you could try to fit in somewhere that, despite your lack of interest in sex, you had managed to become pregnant. This sentence is the first indication of your condition.)
"...despite my promise not to go. I continued to race..."
(I think this should read: 'despite my promise not to go, I continued to race')
...."just to be told I was overeating again..." (I know for sure you mean over-reacting rather than overeating!)
Hope this has helped. Keep going, you're definitely getting there!
All the best.
Kat
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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2009
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This is good Valerie, but it needs a lot of tweaks! There are a number of typos and missing words. I will try to list as many as I can, but I think the best you could do would be to thoroughly edit it again.
In the 'background' paragraph:
"Valerie tries to fince peace ..." (do you mean 'find' peace?)
"Valerie is excited [because] she is pregnant and convined (convinced)......"
"Half awake[,] I managed to mumble(d)..."
"adrenaline fueled rage raced...." (this would read a bit better as "adrenaline-fueled rage racing through..."
"...Denise peaking out....." (peeking)
"I had to think of myself, and the baby waiting to be born." (I think you could try to fit in somewhere that, despite your lack of interest in sex, you had managed to become pregnant. This sentence is the first indication of your condition.)
"...despite my promise not to go. I continued to race..."
(I think this should read: 'despite my promise not to go, I continued to race')
...."just to be told I was overeating again..." (I know for sure you mean over-reacting rather than overeating!)
Hope this has helped. Keep going, you're definitely getting there!
All the best.
Kat
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2009
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Thanks. I sincerely appreciate your help.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Once more I see parallels between your sexual abuse and my families' psychological abuse. In this chapter I can feel you starting to escape the clutches of abuse. For that I am thankful.
you have clearly given me the incentive to tell my story with the hope of helping others escape the terrible shadowed world of abuse.
I have some specific comments:
1. On the [verged ==> verge] of crying myself, I ran down the stairs and past Daddy who was still sitting at the table.
2. Sadly, the late night phone calls continued, and despite my promise to not go. I continued to race out to mom's just to be told I was overeating again. Like before, I would get angry, tell them to never call me again, go home, cry, and wait for the next frantic call for help.{Living in denial must be the worst hell of all. To do anything, but deny the shame is to accuse yourself of and your family of being bad people.}
3. This is another price for your own denial. Instead of being honest about your father's abuse, you created a climate of distrust. Richard couldn't share your burden, so he probably interpreted your silence as an absence of love for him. I know. This was the very response my own silence brought me. Thank God I learned in time to keep our marriage together. I learned that I was projecting my personal feelings on others. I repeat my healing took thirty-one years, but there are times, now rare, that the healing is still incomplete.}
4. Richard seldom criticized; nor did he pay me any compliments. I felt like I was constantly on a fishing expedition. When I asked him if he liked the dinner I prepared, he would say, "It's okay." When I asked if he liked my new hair do, he would say, "I guess so." When I asked him if he thought I was pretty, he said, "Yeah, I suppose so." {This is the true bliss that you hid from for so many years. Now with two daughters to love, you can refocus your life and bury much of the shame. Bravo!
Now I want to know the rest of your story to give me even more incentive.
Roger
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2009
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Once more I see parallels between your sexual abuse and my families' psychological abuse. In this chapter I can feel you starting to escape the clutches of abuse. For that I am thankful.
you have clearly given me the incentive to tell my story with the hope of helping others escape the terrible shadowed world of abuse.
I have some specific comments:
1. On the [verged ==> verge] of crying myself, I ran down the stairs and past Daddy who was still sitting at the table.
2. Sadly, the late night phone calls continued, and despite my promise to not go. I continued to race out to mom's just to be told I was overeating again. Like before, I would get angry, tell them to never call me again, go home, cry, and wait for the next frantic call for help.{Living in denial must be the worst hell of all. To do anything, but deny the shame is to accuse yourself of and your family of being bad people.}
3. This is another price for your own denial. Instead of being honest about your father's abuse, you created a climate of distrust. Richard couldn't share your burden, so he probably interpreted your silence as an absence of love for him. I know. This was the very response my own silence brought me. Thank God I learned in time to keep our marriage together. I learned that I was projecting my personal feelings on others. I repeat my healing took thirty-one years, but there are times, now rare, that the healing is still incomplete.}
4. Richard seldom criticized; nor did he pay me any compliments. I felt like I was constantly on a fishing expedition. When I asked him if he liked the dinner I prepared, he would say, "It's okay." When I asked if he liked my new hair do, he would say, "I guess so." When I asked him if he thought I was pretty, he said, "Yeah, I suppose so." {This is the true bliss that you hid from for so many years. Now with two daughters to love, you can refocus your life and bury much of the shame. Bravo!
Now I want to know the rest of your story to give me even more incentive.
Roger
Comment Written 05-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2009
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Thank you for your kind review and helpful suggestions. My road to "bliss" was slow and will not occur for sometime, but it does occur. I think more books need to be written to show the longtem damage abuse causes. Too many still think "why are you still complaining about something that happened so long ago." My purpose in writing was to emphasise that the scars from abuse may not be physially seen but are deep and cause life long problems. I also wanted to show it from the child's point of view. I don't know if you have read previous chapters but I begin at the age of five showing the dificulty undestnding what is happening and with no one to turn to I had to rely on my own childish ways to deal with something so terrible. The problems this cause lasted throughout my life an exibited in the form of nightmares, hallucinations, seizures, gaps in time, alchoholism, drug abuse and numeous attempts at suicide. I survived but many did not. I hope my book can be a wake up call for those who view abuse as somethin you simply grow out of. Also my story starts in 1948 a time when in most states it wasn't even considered against the law. No therapists, no self help book or councelors to turn to. During my childhood it was simply a family problem delt with quietly and within the home. We've come a lone way since 1948 but still have a long way to go. Again, thank you for your encouragement and kind words.
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I certainly look at your work as a valuable look at thrr the whole picture of abuse from; "What's the matter with mr?" to ;"Why doesn't God like me?
Your abuse history parallels mine. If your Abuse started in 1940 at the age of si, you are very close to my age.
I was fortunate that my abuse started at the age of thirteen, in 1948, because I had been exposed to some positive situation before Frederick started his reign of dailey terror.
Your writing igive me the courage to write my story. Perhaps some good will come from all this hell.
Roger
Comment from pilarblue
This is a superbly written chapter. I was engrossed from beginning to end. I think you did an awesome job. Thanks so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2009
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This is a superbly written chapter. I was engrossed from beginning to end. I think you did an awesome job. Thanks so much for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2009
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Thank you I sincerely appreiate your review,.
Comment from KYPollard/El Gato
Gosh, this takes me back to my unfortunate childhood. How I would make sure "he" didn't mess with my sister. It was bad enough I had to go thru it. Nicely and tactfully done.
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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2009
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Gosh, this takes me back to my unfortunate childhood. How I would make sure "he" didn't mess with my sister. It was bad enough I had to go thru it. Nicely and tactfully done.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2009
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Thank you fo reviewig my work.
