A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Taking Action"Autobiography of abuse
18 total reviews
Comment from phaedra
Oh my, Talk to your mother, priest, police, a lot of good it did in the 50es. Children just had to take it. The spectrum has sure changed. It was always your behavior that caused the problem. This post remindes me of the dark side of that era. Be careful of what the neighbors may say.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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Oh my, Talk to your mother, priest, police, a lot of good it did in the 50es. Children just had to take it. The spectrum has sure changed. It was always your behavior that caused the problem. This post remindes me of the dark side of that era. Be careful of what the neighbors may say.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2013
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You are so right. I broke the rule, I spoke out but I was seen as the problem because I talked about it. I did eventually cal the police, talked to the family priest, and my school counselor. All admonished me for either lying or being foolish to bring personal problems to school or church.
Comment from medicnate
It looks as though she meets a brick wall with every turn and each of the turns she does make, leads her down the maze of insanity and always ends at the same destination, her father.
Great chapter.
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2009
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It looks as though she meets a brick wall with every turn and each of the turns she does make, leads her down the maze of insanity and always ends at the same destination, her father.
Great chapter.
~medicnate~
Comment Written 05-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2009
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Brick wall pretty much says it. Needless to say, very difficult time for me.
Comment from Lois Delaney
no matter what I did everyone would be angry with me. Remove ?
I simply hung up the phone. Remove ?
man. (space) I wondered
It could be Evil Eddie, but am just telling you in case it is not. By evil eddie, I mean the FanStory program which we've all come to know as described. Can't make changes no how.
I talked to a priest a long time ago who gave me the same results. Times have changed, thank God.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009
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no matter what I did everyone would be angry with me. Remove ?
I simply hung up the phone. Remove ?
man. (space) I wondered
It could be Evil Eddie, but am just telling you in case it is not. By evil eddie, I mean the FanStory program which we've all come to know as described. Can't make changes no how.
I talked to a priest a long time ago who gave me the same results. Times have changed, thank God.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009
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Yes, times have changed. It is a completely different world than the one I grew up in. It still has a long way to go though. Amd yes, Evil Eddie has been driving me crazy.
Comment from adewpearl
first school, then the police, then the priest - I have heard of children who were not believed by anyone - it is so difficult to imagine so many people turning a child away and failing their duty - you depict this well and convey her growing frustrations with all of these horrid adults - as a reader I just want to shake them all and scream at them Brooke
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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first school, then the police, then the priest - I have heard of children who were not believed by anyone - it is so difficult to imagine so many people turning a child away and failing their duty - you depict this well and convey her growing frustrations with all of these horrid adults - as a reader I just want to shake them all and scream at them Brooke
Comment Written 23-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2009
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Thank you for your kind words. Yes, it was difficult but the 50s and 60s were a different world than today.
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
This is so shocking, yet your words ring so true. I myself had much the same experience. Back then, people just did not believe children who 'told'. It is very damaging to ask for help and be accused of lying. Once again, you have written with clarity and conveyed hopelessness and despair with great skill.
I am so glad you survived.
All the best.
Kat
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2009
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This is so shocking, yet your words ring so true. I myself had much the same experience. Back then, people just did not believe children who 'told'. It is very damaging to ask for help and be accused of lying. Once again, you have written with clarity and conveyed hopelessness and despair with great skill.
I am so glad you survived.
All the best.
Kat
Comment Written 22-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2009
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Thank you so very much. To be called a liar when you are telling the truth is horrible.
Comment from mtngalofnc
Hi Smurphgirl,
You have a very intense story. And unfortunately one which should have never taken place. I did find some corrections to be made...
After putting them to bed, I filled tub with hot water (you left a word out here)
I dried myself off, wrapped the towel around me, and opened the door. As I had done a hundred times before, I hesitated before stepping out into the hallway, hoping Daddy wasn't waiting for me.
( There shouldn't be a period after door. A comma and a small a for the word as. Your period should be placed after the word before. I hesitated,)
but the rage I felt was so strong I knew I had reached my limit.
(but the rage I felt was so strong, I knew I had reached my limit.)
Not knowing what would I would have done
(Have to many words here. Remove the would)
"What seems to be the problem?" the voice said.
("What seems to be the problem?" The voice asked.)
The gaps in time I had experienced in the past, returned with a vengeance.
(The gaps in time, I had experienced in the past returned with a vengeance.)
One afternoon I left school early
(One afternoon, I left school early)
I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything to say.
(I was so shocked, I couldn't think of anything to say.)
I hope this helps. Thank you for sharing your story and God bless and best wishes!
mtngalofnc
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2009
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Hi Smurphgirl,
You have a very intense story. And unfortunately one which should have never taken place. I did find some corrections to be made...
After putting them to bed, I filled tub with hot water (you left a word out here)
I dried myself off, wrapped the towel around me, and opened the door. As I had done a hundred times before, I hesitated before stepping out into the hallway, hoping Daddy wasn't waiting for me.
( There shouldn't be a period after door. A comma and a small a for the word as. Your period should be placed after the word before. I hesitated,)
but the rage I felt was so strong I knew I had reached my limit.
(but the rage I felt was so strong, I knew I had reached my limit.)
Not knowing what would I would have done
(Have to many words here. Remove the would)
"What seems to be the problem?" the voice said.
("What seems to be the problem?" The voice asked.)
The gaps in time I had experienced in the past, returned with a vengeance.
(The gaps in time, I had experienced in the past returned with a vengeance.)
One afternoon I left school early
(One afternoon, I left school early)
I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything to say.
(I was so shocked, I couldn't think of anything to say.)
I hope this helps. Thank you for sharing your story and God bless and best wishes!
mtngalofnc
Comment Written 22-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2009
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Thank you very much for your detailed suggestions...greatly appreciated.
Comment from yachtworknz
Smurphgirl-Great writing. I find these stories difficult to read as they are so well written they put the reader into the scene.
Good work.
I did notice here-
Father turned his back to me
That I stumbled, were talking about dad and fater. Maybe if that father had the name after ward for clarity.
So, good work. Antother good chapter.
Scott
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2009
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Smurphgirl-Great writing. I find these stories difficult to read as they are so well written they put the reader into the scene.
Good work.
I did notice here-
Father turned his back to me
That I stumbled, were talking about dad and fater. Maybe if that father had the name after ward for clarity.
So, good work. Antother good chapter.
Scott
Comment Written 22-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2009
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Thak you for your kind words and helpful suggestions. I sincerely apprecite them.
Comment from jodeecee
Knowing there was nothing I could say to make him leave, I closed my eyes and waited for him /to/finish peeing/./ /cut:in the toilet./
I listened at the door for sounds of Daddy but/he/ apparently/he/ had gone to bed. I stayed awake until Mom came home. I didn't /cut:even/ consider telling her what had happened.
I got up early the next morning,/space/dressed, and/was/ ready for school before Teresa even woke up. The normally short bus ride/,/ seemed to take forever,/./ When I arrived at school, I went directly to the counselor's office; surely, Mrs. Bloomquist could help me.
Mrs. Bloomquist sat upright in her chair with her arms crossed/./ The expression on her face told me she was not at all pleased to hear what I had to say.
She said goodbye/,/ then rushed out /the door/ on her way to work.
I locating the number in the phone book and nervously dialed the police department. When I heard the voice on the other end of the line I immediately hung up the phone.
-I located the number in the phone book then nervously dialed the police department. When I heard the voice on the other end, I immediately hung up.
Fighting back tears,/space/I snapped,
I had no doubt/,/ I was losing my mind.?
*Do a search on 'usually', I notice you use it a lot, maybe find another word, or even cut it in places.
unhappy looking old man./space/I wondered if he even remembered me
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2009
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Knowing there was nothing I could say to make him leave, I closed my eyes and waited for him /to/finish peeing/./ /cut:in the toilet./
I listened at the door for sounds of Daddy but/he/ apparently/he/ had gone to bed. I stayed awake until Mom came home. I didn't /cut:even/ consider telling her what had happened.
I got up early the next morning,/space/dressed, and/was/ ready for school before Teresa even woke up. The normally short bus ride/,/ seemed to take forever,/./ When I arrived at school, I went directly to the counselor's office; surely, Mrs. Bloomquist could help me.
Mrs. Bloomquist sat upright in her chair with her arms crossed/./ The expression on her face told me she was not at all pleased to hear what I had to say.
She said goodbye/,/ then rushed out /the door/ on her way to work.
I locating the number in the phone book and nervously dialed the police department. When I heard the voice on the other end of the line I immediately hung up the phone.
-I located the number in the phone book then nervously dialed the police department. When I heard the voice on the other end, I immediately hung up.
Fighting back tears,/space/I snapped,
I had no doubt/,/ I was losing my mind.?
*Do a search on 'usually', I notice you use it a lot, maybe find another word, or even cut it in places.
unhappy looking old man./space/I wondered if he even remembered me
Comment Written 21-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2009
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One again, I thank you for your attention to detail. I sincerely appreciate your time and effots.
Comment from jojosug
I didn't find this chapter shaky, maybe it was more about your feelings when you wrote it? Your lapses of memory may make it more difficult to write. From the readers point of view that is conveyed well. I don't feel there is anything to change. Well other then the adults, who all walked away and never listened.
Jo
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2009
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I didn't find this chapter shaky, maybe it was more about your feelings when you wrote it? Your lapses of memory may make it more difficult to write. From the readers point of view that is conveyed well. I don't feel there is anything to change. Well other then the adults, who all walked away and never listened.
Jo
Comment Written 21-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2009
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Thank you for your kind words and high rating. It is sincerely appreciated.
Comment from Seraphim Delphinium
Smurhpy, this is too incredible a story, but as they say, "truth is stranger than fiction." The authenticity presented in your writing is absolutely exceptional. Once again, I was rivited from first word to last. I also like the strength and determination Valerie is gathering. The content is brutal, but the story needs to be told. EXCELLENT! Seraph~
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2009
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Smurhpy, this is too incredible a story, but as they say, "truth is stranger than fiction." The authenticity presented in your writing is absolutely exceptional. Once again, I was rivited from first word to last. I also like the strength and determination Valerie is gathering. The content is brutal, but the story needs to be told. EXCELLENT! Seraph~
Comment Written 21-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2009
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Thank you. Hard to write through all the tears. But I needed to write it.
