Comment from chaswriter

Excellent

Smurphgirl - Disturbing story about a girl who feels no love from her mother, and her father is abusing her. Terrible situation. You write it well and have me interested with your strong character and imagery.

Here are several suggestions:

Bonnie and I were still close(,) but I had no interest in making new friends.

When we were alone(,) Daddy would lay a twenty-dollar bill on the counter, wink and say, "How about a quickie?"

I continued to complain to Mom(,) but it was futile

I wanted to tell her everything Daddy had done to me(,) but I was ashamed and was afraid she would not believe me.

Toward the end of the school year, Teresa told me she was pregnant(,) and that she and Bill were planning to get married as soon as she graduated from high school. I was happy for her(,) but the thought of being alone with Daddy frightened me.

As the wedding approached, I found it difficult to sleep(,) and(,) when I did, I had terrifying nightmares and () suffered from constant migraines. I was seldom hungry and () cried for no reason at all.

Hope that helps. Charlie

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2009

Thanks. Your comments are greatly appreciated.

Comment from The Rivaling Mimic

Excellent

This was a very entertaining read and one that I found especially intriguing for the detailed atmosphere. I found the follow through of the theme to provide a lot of imagery and have no reason to suggest improvement.

The Rivaling Mimic

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2009

Thank you. I appeciate your opinion.

Comment from Hitcher

Excellent

This was a very powerful chapter friend, you pulled me in quickly and held me there with ease. You have me feeling very sorry for the young miss Valerie, to be abused and then taunted my ones father would cause most to go insane I think. I think you did an excellent job, well done!

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2009

Thank you, you comments are always welcome. Interesting you mention insanity....that's to come later.

Comment from rhymer1

Excellent

The subject matter is difficult to treat and you do very well with it. Your narrative and dialog are spot on and you capture the emotion of your characters well. slainte, rhymer1

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 Comment Written 20-Feb-2009

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2009

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Yes, a difficult subject, both to write and to read.