A Leaf on the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Nooks and Crannies"Autobiography of abuse
10 total reviews
Comment from medicnate
Nicely written. A shorter and lighter chapter, but we find out that she does things during the gaps that she doesn't remember. When I was a kid. I would destroy a whole room. I mean flip chairs over, knock bookshelves down and kick holes in the wall. And I always said I didn't know who did it, and I really didn't at the time. Its scary.
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009
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Nicely written. A shorter and lighter chapter, but we find out that she does things during the gaps that she doesn't remember. When I was a kid. I would destroy a whole room. I mean flip chairs over, knock bookshelves down and kick holes in the wall. And I always said I didn't know who did it, and I really didn't at the time. Its scary.
~medicnate~
Comment Written 04-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2009
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Yes it is. I apparently was pretty calm during my so called gaps. At least I didn't do much to draw attention to myself. But to this day I have no idea what I said or did. It is a very unnerving feeling.
Comment from Lois Delaney
Good job writing. This has to be the hardest thing to have to do in your entire life. To write about all this horrible things. I am so glad you had time outs, I'll call them.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009
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Good job writing. This has to be the hardest thing to have to do in your entire life. To write about all this horrible things. I am so glad you had time outs, I'll call them.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2009
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Later in life I called them "my vacations"....thanks for the high rating.
Comment from Stacey Lynne Wells
Wow, that is interesting. I have on occasion found things I wondered about that were in my room. Interesting though. I look forward to read more. Great writing.
Rachel
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2009
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Wow, that is interesting. I have on occasion found things I wondered about that were in my room. Interesting though. I look forward to read more. Great writing.
Rachel
Comment Written 13-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2009
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Thank you. I am sincerely glad you like this. Tough subject but needed to be written. Again, thanks.
Comment from littlewriter50
This is so heart-breaking! Is your personality starting to fragment? This is a very clear and sympathetic telling of that experience. How scary for anyone to lose time and know they are "operating" at the same time.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2009
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This is so heart-breaking! Is your personality starting to fragment? This is a very clear and sympathetic telling of that experience. How scary for anyone to lose time and know they are "operating" at the same time.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2009
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Thank you for your review. Yes, it was frightening and very confusing.
Comment from jodeecee
again, just suggestions
Just as I had done with the earrings/,/ I always put the items back where they belonged before anyone /had/ discovered them missing.
Unable to explain why I had cursed Teresa/,/ or why I had tripped Colleen when she was walking down the hall/,/ became a burden and left me exhausted trying to make up sensible excuses for things I had no memory of doing.
Until the moment she placed the corrected exam on my desk,/space/I had been sitting on the swing in the backyard singing Mary Had A Little Lamb.
I wanted to ask someone what day it was/,/ but decided it was best to remain silent rather than endure the laughter of my classmates at such a stupid question.
Unfortunately, the negative aspect of the gaps /by/ far outweighed the positive.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2009
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again, just suggestions
Just as I had done with the earrings/,/ I always put the items back where they belonged before anyone /had/ discovered them missing.
Unable to explain why I had cursed Teresa/,/ or why I had tripped Colleen when she was walking down the hall/,/ became a burden and left me exhausted trying to make up sensible excuses for things I had no memory of doing.
Until the moment she placed the corrected exam on my desk,/space/I had been sitting on the swing in the backyard singing Mary Had A Little Lamb.
I wanted to ask someone what day it was/,/ but decided it was best to remain silent rather than endure the laughter of my classmates at such a stupid question.
Unfortunately, the negative aspect of the gaps /by/ far outweighed the positive.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2009
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Again, I thank you for your suggestons and appreciate the time you take to review my book. I'm going to have to nickname you "Eagle eye"....again, thans,
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
This is a new twist on the tale. Poor child, missing lumps of time, and now apparently helping herself to what was not hers during the missing periods. This must have been hell to live with, along with the constant worry of being 'caught' having something you shouldn't have had. Press on. You're doing a grand job.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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This is a new twist on the tale. Poor child, missing lumps of time, and now apparently helping herself to what was not hers during the missing periods. This must have been hell to live with, along with the constant worry of being 'caught' having something you shouldn't have had. Press on. You're doing a grand job.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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Thank you. Going "nuts" is an interesting experience and one I highly recommend. On the serious side, for a child it is overhelming and clearly confusing. Hard to deal with when you don't understand what is happening.
Comment from badaner
I'm hooked. I want to know so much more about this girl, so I suppose I'll have to go back to the start.
You are a very talented writer, and the dialogue flows at just the right pace to weave the reader into the page.
I didn't notice any SPaG but there was one small detail in the opening paragraph:
(I opened the dresser drawer as I had done a hundred times before. As I reached for a pair of white socks, I noticed mommy's two small pearl earrings (lying neatly on top). This was not the first time I found something (hidden) in my drawer with no memory of how it got there.)
Maybe other things had been hidden but the earings clearly were not.
badaner
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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I'm hooked. I want to know so much more about this girl, so I suppose I'll have to go back to the start.
You are a very talented writer, and the dialogue flows at just the right pace to weave the reader into the page.
I didn't notice any SPaG but there was one small detail in the opening paragraph:
(I opened the dresser drawer as I had done a hundred times before. As I reached for a pair of white socks, I noticed mommy's two small pearl earrings (lying neatly on top). This was not the first time I found something (hidden) in my drawer with no memory of how it got there.)
Maybe other things had been hidden but the earings clearly were not.
badaner
Comment Written 07-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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Good point. I will go back and look over that sentence again. Thank you for your helpful suggestion.
Comment from Firefly54
Very clear, clean writing, Smurphgirl. Easily read and understood and with no spagies that I could see. I take it this is the edited version we are reading, not first draft?
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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Very clear, clean writing, Smurphgirl. Easily read and understood and with no spagies that I could see. I take it this is the edited version we are reading, not first draft?
Comment Written 07-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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Thank you. Yes, this is the edited version but I am always open to comments and suggestions.
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Thank goodness for that - I'd have cried if yu'd said it was first draft....
Comment from jojosug
I can find nothing to criticism about your work, it continues to move me. Your writing is excellent and the way you capture the little girl in words, is wonderful.
Jo
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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I can find nothing to criticism about your work, it continues to move me. Your writing is excellent and the way you capture the little girl in words, is wonderful.
Jo
Comment Written 07-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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Thank you so very much. That is what I hoped to do...capture the little girl.
Comment from laurelp
The story is very good, but the character Valerie is getting worse. How truly sad, since I don't believe that this illness can every be totally corrected. I hope I am wrong. Nicely written. As you can see, I have caught up with your story.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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The story is very good, but the character Valerie is getting worse. How truly sad, since I don't believe that this illness can every be totally corrected. I hope I am wrong. Nicely written. As you can see, I have caught up with your story.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2009
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Thank you for your kind words...but don't give up...there is always hope.
