Comment from Brindle.T

Excellent

Foxtale...

What a very good story this is...I loved it.

I have a few suggestion, nothing that subtracts from a fine read...Please, disregard them at your leisure...

Anecdotally, I'm from The UK...The Uniion jack is a flag that looks symetrical to the untrained eye, but if one flies it upside down, its an international sign of distress...Thought you might like to know.

"I watched as soldiers set up a military reviewing stand nearby.." "reviwing" oofers a change in voice with the "ing" consider "review stand"

"Marine Sergeant rushed over to set the flag-stand back up on the reviewing stand..."

"Reviewing stand" is allready mentioned...Consider cutting it and placing a full stop after "back up."

"I don't think I really understand about that sweat-stained pocket flag..."

"Understand" consider replacing it with "understood"

Hope this helps....Now, where is Five Pencils?

Regards

Tony

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2009

I looked up 'reviewing stand' and that's what such platforms for dignitaries and military brass are called. But you are right about dropping the second use of this in the following sentence. Thanks, this flows much better. Uk eh? Well Marines are Marines, so try a quick read of my 'Sergeant Gus' in my past years portfolio. If only a Marine WAS allowed to speak his mind.

Comment from dmjones

Excellent

I like what the US Marine said. I've never heard of carrying a flag in your pocket but I like the idea.

Just one minor thing
reviewing stand and reinsert(ed to keep tense or you could delete and use 'to reinsert') the flagpole.

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2009

Thanks, that worked. You might also like what 'Sergeant Gus' my fictional Marine says in 'Sergeant Gus and the Day of Joy' in my past years portfolio.

Comment from Belinda

Excellent

As a foreigner I never knew that myth about the US flags. I think both parties are right in a way: teachers tell students to be respectful to the flag, soldier knows better after so many experiences in the war. The ending of your story is so sweet...

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2009

Thank-you for the kind review. You might also like Five Pencils, a quiet story my son shared once he was back.
And yes, we do burn retired flags. There is a special way, which you may appreciate by reading my "Firelight Honor" in last years portfolio.

Comment from Arkine

Excellent

Wonderful job on this. I agree with the marine, though I don't think the teacher was being a jackass, as he so colorfully put it, she just repeated what everyone else had always told her. ;)

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2009

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reply by the author on 11-Aug-2009

thanks. You might also like Five Pencils, a quiet story my son shared once he was back.

reply by the author on 13-Aug-2009

Also, you might like my fictional Marine in 'Sergeant Gus and the Day of Joy' in my past year portfolio.

Comment from AmberRose

Excellent

Interesting story. I'm actually in the military so it gave me reason to pause and think. Your message is accurate, though it also hints that it's okay to let a flag touch the ground depnding on intent. I'd have to say that if one ever just let it touch the ground not in the line of duty then it should still be burned.... but that's just my opinion. well written.

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2009

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reply by the author on 31-Jul-2009

Opinions on the flag are as varied as our people! What if one rescued a flag tossed to the ground, then decided it should fly with pride? I always remember that the patriots fought for two years WITHOUT a national flag, because they fought for something far greater. Anyway....you may like "5 Pencils" in my protfolio. one of the quiet stories my son shared when he returned.
As for burning a flag in honor; check out my Firelight Honor story from last year, then back to the Marines with my "Sergeant Gus." All of these except Gus are true. And how I wish Gus could be : )

Comment from yvonne58

Excellent

I love this story! It's so true that most of us were taught that as children. The only thing I saw was a problem with tense here:

I, as only an eight year old can do,

Should be: I, as only an eight year old could do,

Seems to work better to keep everything in the same tense.

Good Job!

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2009

oops good catch!

reply by the author on 31-Jul-2009

ps you may also like Firelight Honor, as well as Sergeant Gus, and finally, 5 Pencils, which I wrote after my sons return. One of the quiet moments he talks about.

Comment from colinlinder

Excellent

wonderfully told and oh so true. I would lose the second "listen kid" though, the repitition sounds a little off for the story.

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2009

thanks I'll re read this. Hey at my age I am lucky to recall what was said this morning.

reply by the author on 31-Jul-2009

ps you may also like Firelight Honor, as well as Sergeant Gus, and finally, 5 Pencils, which I wrote after my sons return. One of the quiet moments he talks about.

Comment from OldVet

Excellent

Good post. If every soiled American flag was promptly burned, The one over Ft. McHenry would have been long gone.
Suggestions:
"Listen[,] kid,"
that sweat[-]stained pocket flag
a little folded[-]up American flag

Now help me set this flag in the stand and you tell teacher she is a jackass." Sounds so much like what a grizzled NCO would say.

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2009

Thanks for the edits. They do work.
Five Pencils is a story written after my son returned and talked about some of his impressions.
'Sergeant Gus' in my prior year portfolio is a spoof on the happenings over in Berkeley last year. Enjoy.

Comment from Sarabran

Excellent

This story brought tears to my eyes! such a patriotic piece !We fly our flag with pride! This great country of ours! So glad that your son's unit is back. God bless him and all the service men and women serving our country ! You must be so proud of your son ! A great write ! Sarabran

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2009

Thank you.
Five Pencils in my prior year portfolio is a story I wrote after he got back and shared a few of his impressions.

Comment from jmkenpo

Excellent

Well, that was a very powerful short story. I can imagine the Marine's upset but why unload like that on a child. I am glad to hear that your loved one is back from Iraq safe and sound. Thank you for sharing this story.. I see no room for improvements.

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2009

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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2009

The Marine probably was tired of people taking him for granted while they pratted on about things of which they knew nothing. He knew me for a military brat as we were on base. As for what he said, I've looked up the flag code, and he was spot on, teacher really was way off.
If you'd like a humorous view of what a Marine might say if given the chance read my 'Sergeant Gus' in my prior year portfolio.

reply by the author on 09-Jun-2009

Also 'Five Pencils' is a story I wrote after our son got back and shared some of his impressions about that country.