The Ups and Downs of Life and Faith
A story of depression and faith35 total reviews
Comment from Jean Lutz
I logged on to search for your sestina but clicked on this one. I cried as I read it. Do you know a child just died by getting tangled in a cord on one of those exercise machines? I believe your life was spared for a reason. Deuteronomy 4:29-30 "But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in distress, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, when you turn to the Lord your God and obey His voice."
I hope you don't get mad at me for "preaching" to you. I thought about sending you a private message, but this is a powerful piece of writing and who knows maybe someone else might benefit from the comments. I am glad that you are doing better and I wish you well.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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I logged on to search for your sestina but clicked on this one. I cried as I read it. Do you know a child just died by getting tangled in a cord on one of those exercise machines? I believe your life was spared for a reason. Deuteronomy 4:29-30 "But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in distress, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, when you turn to the Lord your God and obey His voice."
I hope you don't get mad at me for "preaching" to you. I thought about sending you a private message, but this is a powerful piece of writing and who knows maybe someone else might benefit from the comments. I am glad that you are doing better and I wish you well.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2009
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I have been through some ups and downs since then; this was written a long time ago. No, I don't feel like you are "preaching" at me. I know that verse from Deuteronomy well. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Vladilynn
Geeeeeeshhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Great one!!!!!!!!
Wow!!!!!!! you've managed to get my attention!!!!
Faith!! A very questioning word.....how many faith in this World we can tell but hard to do....
If things is easy to achieve we don't need to have faith we just do it....But it won't do that much at all....that's why we have to learn that word! Faith for our selves and Faith for Him that it will guide us....still not easy to believe. Just need to give a try!
well written Alvin!
Thank you for sharing!
Lynn ( ^ __________ ^ )}}
you can tell I liked this one! LOL
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2008
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Geeeeeeshhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Great one!!!!!!!!
Wow!!!!!!! you've managed to get my attention!!!!
Faith!! A very questioning word.....how many faith in this World we can tell but hard to do....
If things is easy to achieve we don't need to have faith we just do it....But it won't do that much at all....that's why we have to learn that word! Faith for our selves and Faith for Him that it will guide us....still not easy to believe. Just need to give a try!
well written Alvin!
Thank you for sharing!
Lynn ( ^ __________ ^ )}}
you can tell I liked this one! LOL
Comment Written 18-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2008
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Yes, I can tell you liked this one. Thanks for a great review. I especially appreciate the six stars.
Comment from davidray
Hi Alvin,
Always good to read something of yours and this one is certainly no exception. Very well done and thought-provoking. This doesn't hide anything ... your attitude, fears, illness ... you lay it all out for us to read, as if you're giving a service.
Sad the way society looked - and many still do - upon gays. I used to be homophobic myself until I met my wife. She turned my attitude around, and I realized how wrong it was.
From a writer's perspective, this isn't perfectly constructed. I'm sure it must've had something to do with your emotions while writing this. I would've if I was in your shoes.
Examples like this might need some tweaking:
-He had given me that in the hope that I would (repeated 'that')
-But in 1992, I was worn out (By 1992, ...)
It reads slower in places with the words you chose, but it didn't take anything away from your message. Like I said, you laid it all out for us.
Congratulations on allowing the Lord to be your beacon of light. And on a minor note, best wishes in the contest.
All the best,
David
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2008
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Hi Alvin,
Always good to read something of yours and this one is certainly no exception. Very well done and thought-provoking. This doesn't hide anything ... your attitude, fears, illness ... you lay it all out for us to read, as if you're giving a service.
Sad the way society looked - and many still do - upon gays. I used to be homophobic myself until I met my wife. She turned my attitude around, and I realized how wrong it was.
From a writer's perspective, this isn't perfectly constructed. I'm sure it must've had something to do with your emotions while writing this. I would've if I was in your shoes.
Examples like this might need some tweaking:
-He had given me that in the hope that I would (repeated 'that')
-But in 1992, I was worn out (By 1992, ...)
It reads slower in places with the words you chose, but it didn't take anything away from your message. Like I said, you laid it all out for us.
Congratulations on allowing the Lord to be your beacon of light. And on a minor note, best wishes in the contest.
All the best,
David
Comment Written 17-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2008
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I didn't like the second "that", either, but I couldn't find a word I liked better. But as I read your review, I realized I could omit it. I'll consider your other suggestion. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from c_lucas
The word "homosexual" is an immediate turn-off to most Christians. I think the word is a mental stimulus that helps weak Chritians to cling tighter to their Faith. I am a hetersexual, but I am not threatened by the word, or the act. I have never performed it, but I don't condemn those who have. We all must live in a way we are most comfortable with. Extremely well written with very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2008
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The word "homosexual" is an immediate turn-off to most Christians. I think the word is a mental stimulus that helps weak Chritians to cling tighter to their Faith. I am a hetersexual, but I am not threatened by the word, or the act. I have never performed it, but I don't condemn those who have. We all must live in a way we are most comfortable with. Extremely well written with very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2008
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Thanks for a good review and for understanding.
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You're welcome. Charlie
Comment from Kingsland
down to the depths without one giant step
the bottom rolls along with anger that's strong
so what do we do to make worse our views
we gab for a bottle or drug to be throttled
there's an awakening that waits to be gleaned
it's deep in the depth and is not yet seen
for the bottom needs company of all ill repute
until we learn to dance and refute
for leaving all the crutches far behind
and seeking the wisdom of a voice deep inside... John
your personal story put these thoughts in my mind
and your essay was very well written...
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2008
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down to the depths without one giant step
the bottom rolls along with anger that's strong
so what do we do to make worse our views
we gab for a bottle or drug to be throttled
there's an awakening that waits to be gleaned
it's deep in the depth and is not yet seen
for the bottom needs company of all ill repute
until we learn to dance and refute
for leaving all the crutches far behind
and seeking the wisdom of a voice deep inside... John
your personal story put these thoughts in my mind
and your essay was very well written...
Comment Written 16-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2008
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That's a great poem, John. You should post it as an independent work. I would be glad to review it. Just let me know. Thanks for saying my essay was well-written.
Comment from mslink1
Alvin, this is the most inspiring story that I have read--concerning the entries in this contest. What a life lesson not only that you have learned, but that you are willingly sharing with others more to help them than for the winnings of this contest.
I'm a firm believer in that God helps those who help themselves. Your love and faith for and in God shines through each sentence. I wish you well in all that you choose to do and in this contest. Mary
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2008
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Alvin, this is the most inspiring story that I have read--concerning the entries in this contest. What a life lesson not only that you have learned, but that you are willingly sharing with others more to help them than for the winnings of this contest.
I'm a firm believer in that God helps those who help themselves. Your love and faith for and in God shines through each sentence. I wish you well in all that you choose to do and in this contest. Mary
Comment Written 16-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2008
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Thank you for such a kind review. I truly appreciate it. I am quite touched (in the good sense) that you noted my love and faith for God in this work. Thanks again.
Comment from Nicky B
An exceptionally brave write. Intimate details are not spared, and therefore it makes for a captivating read. This is what I look for on this site. The bare bones truth written in an eloquent prose. I have suffered addiction also, but instead of alcohol, it was sex. I am straight, though I did appreciate you sharing the truth about your sexuality. A fine post my friend. Take care. Nick
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2008
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An exceptionally brave write. Intimate details are not spared, and therefore it makes for a captivating read. This is what I look for on this site. The bare bones truth written in an eloquent prose. I have suffered addiction also, but instead of alcohol, it was sex. I am straight, though I did appreciate you sharing the truth about your sexuality. A fine post my friend. Take care. Nick
Comment Written 16-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2008
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Thanks for a very understanding review. The escapism one seeks in something outside oneself (other than the transcendent God, in whose divine nature we partake--II Peter 1:4), I think, causes all addictions. Thanks for a great review and for the six stars.
Comment from redrider6612
What an awesome testimonial. You did a wonderful job of describing your descent into depression and the part where you hit rock-bottom and heard the voice was especially powerful.
One spot that I felt needed a bit of polish:
Although I had several half-hearted attempts to commit suicide from college on, they had ceased with regular use of my anti-depressant.
Awkwardly worded, but I'm sure you can come up with some way to improve it. If not, PM me and I would be glad to suggest alternate wording.
Overall, well told and inspiring. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2008
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What an awesome testimonial. You did a wonderful job of describing your descent into depression and the part where you hit rock-bottom and heard the voice was especially powerful.
One spot that I felt needed a bit of polish:
Although I had several half-hearted attempts to commit suicide from college on, they had ceased with regular use of my anti-depressant.
Awkwardly worded, but I'm sure you can come up with some way to improve it. If not, PM me and I would be glad to suggest alternate wording.
Overall, well told and inspiring. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2008
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Before I can revise it, I need to know what you thought was awkwardly worded. So, for clarification, if you tell me that, I can revise or PM you. Right now, if I did revise that sentence, I would probably add an extra "had", to wit
"Although I had had several half-hearted attempts..."
Thanks for a good review.
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How about:
Although I had [made] several half-hearted attempts to commit suicide [from college on], they had ceased with regular use of my anti-depressant.
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Thanks; you aren't the only person who has suggested "had made...attempts", but I have pondered that, and find it too colloquial for the way I write (I see it as similar to "have got", which has crept in common parlance--e.g. "You've got mail.") I see "had made money" differently, as "making money" is a common phrase in English. If I made any change to that sentence, I probably would standardize the English even more and add an extra "had"--i. e. "had had....attempts."
I did want the accuracy of "from college on."
Thanks for your suggestions; they certain did cause me to think.
Comment from storymama
I have to say this first. It is a miracle that you are alive and have a good, solid mind to work with and to be able to teach with. I would like to make a few suggestions. If you think I am incorrect I will change the rating, but more importantly, if you do decide to edit I would be happy to reread it and make the change.
but we all didn't get along at that time- this part of your sentence sounds a little awkward to me. Perhaps, depending on how many you meant, none of us were getting along at that time, or some of us weren't...
However, it was hard and lonely work.- This sounds like it belongs in the middle of a sentence- perhaps - . . . work on my thesis, however, it was hard . . . - You may not even need the word however and could allow It was...to stand alone.
Although I had several half-hearted - a thought - Although I had 'made' several half-hearted
You know how much I respect your work and opinion so it is always hard for me to point out things that I question to you. Still, it has always been my policy to give an honest review. God bless you. Laura
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2008
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I have to say this first. It is a miracle that you are alive and have a good, solid mind to work with and to be able to teach with. I would like to make a few suggestions. If you think I am incorrect I will change the rating, but more importantly, if you do decide to edit I would be happy to reread it and make the change.
but we all didn't get along at that time- this part of your sentence sounds a little awkward to me. Perhaps, depending on how many you meant, none of us were getting along at that time, or some of us weren't...
However, it was hard and lonely work.- This sounds like it belongs in the middle of a sentence- perhaps - . . . work on my thesis, however, it was hard . . . - You may not even need the word however and could allow It was...to stand alone.
Although I had several half-hearted - a thought - Although I had 'made' several half-hearted
You know how much I respect your work and opinion so it is always hard for me to point out things that I question to you. Still, it has always been my policy to give an honest review. God bless you. Laura
Comment Written 15-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2008
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For clarification,
"had made...attempts" is too colloquial for the way I speak. I see it as similar to "have got", which, though common (e. g. "You've got mail"), is far too colloquial for my writing as well. If anything, to be grammatically correct for standard written English, I probably would write "had had", but I wanted this to have a more conversational tone, but not a colloquial one. (I see "had made money" as different, for the phrase "making money" has become part of standard parlance.)
"we all" is aqua/water Southern dialect, similar to "you all." It is the dialect of American English which I speak and sometimes write. Although I grew up in Arizona, my father's family was from Louisville and that dialect is common only to New Orleans, Savannah, Charleston, Louisville, and some would add Mobile. It sounds more like I sound to say "we all."
I think dropping the "however" is a good idea, and shall implement it.
So I have considered your suggestions carefully.
Thank you for a thoughtful review; it definitely made me ponder some places in the story.
There is no need to change the rating, at least form my viewpoint; you gave me a good and honest review.
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Thank you for taking the time to explain that to me. I know you didn't have to and I appreciate it. Blessings, Laura
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Thank you for changing the rating; I know you didn't have to. You are not the only one to suggest "had made", it made me seriously think on a wider scale of how my dialect intersects with my written standard English in my writing. That is especially important and help to me right now as I write sections of the book "Luisa" set in New Orleans or with characters from New Orleans--I need to appeal to the general populace, so I need not to sound geographically confined or too academic. Thanks for the response.
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You're welcome. I just know your work is excellent so it deserves it. I just didn't want you to miss something if it was a typo. My brain works much faster than I am able to type so I sometimes miss things that way. My brother just unexpectedly arrived from Arizona yesterday for my mother's birthday. What a shock! He's lucky. Usually August in Ohio is hot and humid. So far this year it has been quite pleasant. Have a great weekend. Blessings, Laura
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He's probably escaping the monsoon season of Arizona August; I remember them, as I grew up in Arizona, though in an old Southern family.
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I'll ask him about that.
Comment from UniversalWriter
Dear FanStory friend:
Your article will help others find a better solution to their lives and problems. I also realized that we must be careful with the people that we meet...Some could takes down the avenues of horror........
Lets not look back and see the past anymore.......but instead look at the future of faith in our hearts and souls..........
Thanks for sharing your thoughtful writing...I will treasure your work....
If you want to apply more humor to your life, please read some of my witty articles.....
Thanks again for your moral support! You did a great job reviewing my writing.........
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2008
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Dear FanStory friend:
Your article will help others find a better solution to their lives and problems. I also realized that we must be careful with the people that we meet...Some could takes down the avenues of horror........
Lets not look back and see the past anymore.......but instead look at the future of faith in our hearts and souls..........
Thanks for sharing your thoughtful writing...I will treasure your work....
If you want to apply more humor to your life, please read some of my witty articles.....
Thanks again for your moral support! You did a great job reviewing my writing.........
Comment Written 15-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2008
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Thanks for a very kind review; the best way to make sure I review something (I can be very absent-minded) is to write me a PM and inform me of the title of the work you want me to review. Thanks again.
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Feel free to read any of my stories....It's up to you...Apply humor to your life and you will live another thousand years.....LOL!!!!
Keep up the great work my dear FanStory friend!!!!
