The Suicide Note
A man hits rock-bottom and gets what he deserves.39 total reviews
Comment from Permelia
So many young people- and older members also- have no idea how much God loves us, and yes, He sends help to us immediately when we ask for it or need it.
its torture - it's
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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So many young people- and older members also- have no idea how much God loves us, and yes, He sends help to us immediately when we ask for it or need it.
its torture - it's
Comment Written 07-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Many thanks, Permelia. Actually "its" is correct. It took me a long time to figure out that tricky word. :-)
Jan
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It looks as if I still haven't figure out the correct way of spelling that simple word! Hugs mona
Comment from SilverFoxes
It has been a while since I reviewed your work. This is a very touching story. The music is a very nice touch and it really fits the song.
I did not see mistakes in your story.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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It has been a while since I reviewed your work. This is a very touching story. The music is a very nice touch and it really fits the song.
I did not see mistakes in your story.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much! :-)
Jan
Comment from bookishfabler
Don't you worry, Jan. If I fall behind here in my life , you certainly have every right and reason. Great story. I don't normally read these type of stories in general, Though they are swqeet. Kind of reminds me of "Touched By An Angel" which I used to watch all the time, but this was very nice. Good job.
hugs
Book
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Don't you worry, Jan. If I fall behind here in my life , you certainly have every right and reason. Great story. I don't normally read these type of stories in general, Though they are swqeet. Kind of reminds me of "Touched By An Angel" which I used to watch all the time, but this was very nice. Good job.
hugs
Book
Comment Written 04-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much! I am glad you liked it.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from vertigo50
I'm not a religious man, but I enjoyed you short composition. Please check my Pointers for Writers that I posted here, They are from various books on writing.
You wrote:
"Jesus!" the woman exclaimed, looking through the ceiling and up to heaven.
If you use an exclamation point, then just say said. Also eliminate as many gerunds (ing words) as possible.
Better: Ellen looked up at the ceiling. "Jesus," she said.
The reader will know she is praying to heaven. The context will provide this things.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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I'm not a religious man, but I enjoyed you short composition. Please check my Pointers for Writers that I posted here, They are from various books on writing.
You wrote:
"Jesus!" the woman exclaimed, looking through the ceiling and up to heaven.
If you use an exclamation point, then just say said. Also eliminate as many gerunds (ing words) as possible.
Better: Ellen looked up at the ceiling. "Jesus," she said.
The reader will know she is praying to heaven. The context will provide this things.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Thanks so much for the suggestions! :-)
I really appreciate the review.
Jan
Comment from A.Storey
Is the woman an angel?
You write in past tense, but the word "lay" is in present. You wrote it twice in your paper.
I'm glad in the end the man was going to fine and get the help he needed.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2008
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Is the woman an angel?
You write in past tense, but the word "lay" is in present. You wrote it twice in your paper.
I'm glad in the end the man was going to fine and get the help he needed.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2008
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Actually, lay is correct here, because lay is also the past tense of lie. No, the woman is a personification of 'mercy' - as in the state of compassionate care.
Thanks for the review!
Jan
Comment from GerryMacNeil
Jan, I am so grateful you have been given such a love of writing (and witnessing) to lighten your too-busy days! This is a tenderly told tale that will reach many. Thanks for writing. Gerry
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Jan, I am so grateful you have been given such a love of writing (and witnessing) to lighten your too-busy days! This is a tenderly told tale that will reach many. Thanks for writing. Gerry
Comment Written 02-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much, Gerry.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from davidray
Hi Jan,
Always aenlightening and a joy to read something of yours. As usual, a story of faith which touches the soul. Well done. Very well done.
We all should listen to Him.
One tiny thing I wanted to bring to your attention:
-"You can't even write a suicide note," the voices hissed. (a little thing, Jan: to let you know that 'hissing' is probably the most useless and incorrect word to use in a speech tag ever, according to the writing course I'm taking). You will see it used, but that certainly doesn't make it right. If the person is saying words with a lot of 'S's included, then feel free to think he can hiss away. I learned this from the course I am taking. It does make sense when you think about it.)
All the best, dear.
Always,
David
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Hi Jan,
Always aenlightening and a joy to read something of yours. As usual, a story of faith which touches the soul. Well done. Very well done.
We all should listen to Him.
One tiny thing I wanted to bring to your attention:
-"You can't even write a suicide note," the voices hissed. (a little thing, Jan: to let you know that 'hissing' is probably the most useless and incorrect word to use in a speech tag ever, according to the writing course I'm taking). You will see it used, but that certainly doesn't make it right. If the person is saying words with a lot of 'S's included, then feel free to think he can hiss away. I learned this from the course I am taking. It does make sense when you think about it.)
All the best, dear.
Always,
David
Comment Written 02-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much, David. I will correct that! :-)
Jan
Comment from H.Naito
how magnificent
indeed,a very heart--warming story...
the way you made the story is quite amazing!
you need not only talent to be able to make such stories.
what i didnt like is how you ended it so soon...
Buut i really did like it!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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how magnificent
indeed,a very heart--warming story...
the way you made the story is quite amazing!
you need not only talent to be able to make such stories.
what i didnt like is how you ended it so soon...
Buut i really did like it!
Comment Written 01-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much for the review!
Jan
Comment from Sue-z-Q
Hi Jan:
This story is very sweet and could definitely help those who need it. Others, too, who are seeking a path of enlightenment.
I didn't see any spag to worry about. Nicely done.
Luv ya, gal, and I'll understand if you don't respond.
Sue-z-Q
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Hi Jan:
This story is very sweet and could definitely help those who need it. Others, too, who are seeking a path of enlightenment.
I didn't see any spag to worry about. Nicely done.
Luv ya, gal, and I'll understand if you don't respond.
Sue-z-Q
Comment Written 01-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from Nanny 6
This story brought tears to my eyes. This is a beautiful story of the mercy and grace of Jesus and how much He loves us. The music added to your story to make a very emotional piece of fine work! God bless you! Judy
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2008
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This story brought tears to my eyes. This is a beautiful story of the mercy and grace of Jesus and how much He loves us. The music added to your story to make a very emotional piece of fine work! God bless you! Judy
Comment Written 31-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much, Judy.
Jan
