Ned and Pons meet at a Shakespearean play.
Pons: Glad you could make it, Ned.
Ned: Yeah, Pons. I ain't never seen no gobbler show afore.
Pons: Gobbler?
Ned: Da pogram says it's da tannin' a da shoe.
Pons: That's an em, Ned, not two ens.
Ned: So it's a TAMin a da shoe? S'pose we'll get learned what a gobbler does?
Pons: Wait, wait, wait, Ned. Gee, where do I start. It's Ka cobbler, not Ga gobbler.
Ned: (making and flapping bent-arm wings and using a shrill voice) Cobble, cobble, cobble!
Pons: Holy cow, Ned!
Ned: Don't sound right, do it. (again with motions and voice) Cobble, cobble, cobble!
Pons: Ned! Stop!
Ned: I KNOW! Oughta be (motion and sound) Gobble, gobble, gobble!
Pons: Ned, listen. This is a play. It's called The Taming of the SHREW -- not shoe.
Ned: Oh. So what's a sha-ROO?
Pons: A shrew is a rodent.
Ned: So, instead a learnin' shoe apair we git ta train some kinda mouse?
Pons: This is not a DIY program, Ned. It's a play.
Ned: No need fer no bad langedge dere, Pons.
Pons: You mean DIY?
Ned: Your ma muss go through soap fast awashin' yer mout, Pons
Pons: Do It Yourself, Ned.
Ned: Ain't gonna, Pons. Get thee ahind me, Satan.
Pons: Look, Ned. Let's just watch this play. It has actors dressed up in old time clothes.
Ned: Dere’s a sale at the Kmart. Dey oughta update dere duds.
Pons: Right. Okay. Well, the curtains going up.
Ned: I dunno 'bout da curtains, but da clothes er fer def’nit on sale.
To be continued..
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Author Notes
All misspelled words are intentional.
Yes, Ned is THAT dumb.
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